Oh, the irony of self-sabotage!
Oh, the irony of self-sabotage!
We decide we want something, but subconsciously we do everything we can to ensure we don’t get it!
Sound familiar? It may not, because you may not even realize you’re doing it!
It took me almost a year to realize that I was totally sabotaging my success in business. I kept trying to convince myself that I was 100% dedicated and determined to reach as many people as I possibly could to help them through their relationship issues and divorce, but in reality, I was holding back. Sure, I created a website, I ran some Facebook ads, I wrote some emails, but I refused to engage in any public speaking, participate in interviews or create any live videos. I was hiding, so I was holding myself back.
I wasn’t putting in 100% effort at all. And there was always a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to step it up!
I was stuck in mediocrity because the idea of being seen was scary and uncomfortable, and I was filled with self-doubt.
But I’m so not satisfied with mediocrity! That’s not my personality at all! I want to strive for greatness!
So, I had to dig in and figure out why I was stopping myself from success. Where was my resistance and why?
Why Do We Self-Sabotage Our Own Success?
There are several reasons we self-sabotage, but all are usually based in fear.
I was afraid to give it my all because if I did and it didn’t work, I’d be a failure.
I was afraid to let people get to know me because I am a very private person.
I was afraid because I’m an introvert and I am happiest in deep, meaningful conversation with one person as opposed to sharing info with a ton of people or trying to be the center of attention. I didn’t even like all eyes on me when I was walking down the aisle at my wedding!
I was afraid of criticism and people not liking me because let’s face it, there are “trollers” out there and people who are just plain mean. And I’ve seen a ton of brilliant women and men put themselves out there only to be criticized for irrelevant things, like their hair or body type or a lisp, and I think I have one.
But after taking class after class, studying and researching how to reach more people, and following strong, powerful and successful people online, I’ve learned a ton, most importantly that you cannot associate success with fear, because the subconscious exists to protect you from perceived threats. You will actually prevent yourself from getting what you want!
We need to retrain our brains to overcome self-sabotaging behaviors by discovering the fears that are holding us back. Some of these fears include:
Fear of Losing Control. You might self-sabotage because you need to be in control of your circumstances. The easiest and surest way to stay in control is to maintain the status quo.
Fear of Greatness. Do you feel unworthy of greatness? Do you have low self-esteem? For whatever reason, you may have decided that true happiness and success are forever beyond your reach. This idea is dangerous and self-limiting because it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fear of Change. Perhaps you undermine your efforts because there’s comfort in the ordinary. Even if you’re in a constant state of turmoil, it’s your “normal” and it may feel safer to stay stuck in unhappiness because you’re used to it, than to make changes that create upheaval in your life, even if they are for your benefit.
If you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions, Fear Not! (That’s sarcasm, lol). You can overcome self-sabotage and put yourself on the path toward self-mastery.
How To Overcome Self Sabotage
Define and envision your version of success. What is it that you want? Dig deep and create a detailed vision of what success means to you. Is it having a dream career or business, more money, better relationships, or the courage to buy a home on your own, or even just date again? Once you define the success you want in your life, imagine how amazing it feels to achieve it. If you do this consistently, you’ll begin to see success as an integral part of your future.
Observe your behavior. The first step to changing any behavior is to recognize and acknowledge it. So, let’s bring any unconscious self-sabotaging behaviors to the forefront of your brain. See the behaviors as a flashing neon warning sign in front of you.Or hear the voice that tells you — you’re at it again. That’s what happens to me whenever I do something or fail to do something that keeps me stuck in mediocrity.
Put it in writing. Once you recognize how you’re sabotaging yourself, write down every thought or feeling, action or inaction that crossed your mind and prevented you from achieving your goal. Describe your thoughts and feelings, the setting, circumstances, and result. Avoid over-analyzing. Just recognize and be an impersonal observer in your journal. Then immediately write down your vision of success. Eventually, you’ll gain a better understanding of your motives and the triggers to your behavior, and the vision of success will act as positive reinforcement that will help you overcome your behavior and get you what you are striving for.
Let go of perfection. Nobody is perfect! Perfection is unattainable! You’ll never achieve success if you associate success with the impossible task of being perfect. Just be you. You are an incredible human being just the way you are!
If you’ve been subconsciously living in fear of success you’ve been sending yourself the message, “I don’t want to be successful!” and triggering self-sabotaging behavior that will prevent you from ever achieving your goals. Figure out why you are self-sabotaging, permit yourself to anticipate success with excitement, and use your knowledge and determination to go for it!
When I stopped sabotaging my own success and opened my whole heart to the success of my business, the results were remarkable. I decided to push through my fears and create a video interview series. I reached out to other coaches and experts on topics related to divorce who I had never met before.Some who I had looked up to and followed for years and who I viewed as celebrities.I was nervous, but it was a huge success! I had so much fun, I learned a ton of new information, I made new friends and, most importantly I accomplished my goal of providing guidance, strategies and encouragement to women going through divorce.
I’d love for you to have the same sense of accomplishment and to reach your goals of success!
Replace your self-sabotaging fears with positive thoughts, feelings and take action. You’ll be on your way to your bold, beautiful, and ideal future!
