I love dressing up. Madison, my older sister, started really getting into photography when she was like 14. I was 12. I would always be her guinea pig and model for her so she could practice with angles and editing and such.I loved it. A small part of me has always wanted to be a model, and it’s still there to be honest. But a larger part of me convinces me that I’m not pretty, (but I’m loving myself more and working on that) or that it is unrealistic (that’s the zinger). Madison has been the person I let dye, cut, style my hair since we were preteens. The only exceptions have been that I got my hair cut in Walmart one time when I was like 10, and the time my friend Tina dyed my hair blue at Wheeler park (boy, that’s a fun story).
All of these pictures except the bottom row are of me dressed up for some kind of school dance event in my senior year of high school. The top ones (I’m in the red dress.) is from when I was nominated to be on homecoming court. The very top one was when they called my name because I was voted to be a homecoming princess. I love it because I was smiling so big and my dad looked proud.
The ones of me in the silver and blue dress are from actual homecoming. I love the one with me spinning because I love playing dress up and being silly and having fun and it just kind of captures me well in my opinion.
The one in the white dress was from prom. I felt so pretty and I love the glow of that picture. It’s almost magical (another part of my personal identity: I want to believe in magic so badly).
The last three are of a more recent photo-shoot. The story behind it is that I broke off the toxic relationship I was in, and I had no pictures or good selfies to change my profile pictures too.It sounded kind of silly, but it was actually really important. He never liked me to post selfies or pictures where I looked good. I eventually stopped taking them as much. Because of that, I didn’t have an recent pictures of myself when the relationship was over. I also wanted to spend time with my sister and talk about what happened with him and be comforted (fun fact: I recently learned that he’s coming to VSU next semester and that my sister and my ex have each other on social media and talk occasionally; that hurt. A lot. Which is his intention. It made me sick to my stomach and it still kind of does if I think about it too much. She doesn’t see his intentions because she doesn't know him like I do. She likes him more now that we’re not together. He offered to pay a good amount of her videographer’s fee for her upcoming wedding, so he looked like the good guy and I did him wrong and broke his heart. Apparently how he controlled me in the relationship and how it hurts me for her to still talk to him isn’t a good enough reason for her not to talk to him.It’s all very complicated. I’m sorry; I’m getting carried away. I’m really hurt, and I am an emotional person. Nonetheless, I’m really laying it all out in this project because in order to really explain my personal identity and define who I am; well, I’m showing you. That’s the best way I know how. Not only through pictures, videos, and paragraphs, but in the way that I’m writing. In the diction I purposefully use.) ANYWAY, she did my makeup and hair and I was going to take some selfies and one thing led to another and we ended up doing a photo-shoot. I’m so grateful to have her as my sister, and I love her very much. I’m so thankful to have the moments where we laugh and listen to music while she does my hair and makeup. I honest to god would not trade her for anything.
Through to good and the bad and the ugly, I wouldn’t trade any of my family or past experiences for anything. I definitely would never wish anything of what has happened to me on to anyone else, but I also wouldn’t wish it away. Every word builds a paragraph and the paragraphs fill the chapters of the book that tells the story of my life.
