Nov. 18th Beautiful Weather and Day of not asserting dominance
I saw a rat climb out of a hole and my life flashed before my eyes.
(mice are one of my largest fears in life and its unfortunate since I live in a old house at home that definitely has a mice problem. I have never encountered a actual rat before today…)
I am by Gods grace still kickin though.
I am not good at asserting my dominance in some situations and this class is one. It’s funny for me that you wanted more people to come (like extra people that are from the neighborhood), because I feel like there wasn’t enough for everyone. And since I wasn’t like asserting myself I didn’t do much the first half of class. And it’s hard to because even when I’m like “given” jobs I have them taken from me, since I’m not dominant enough. It happened to me and Sol a lot But it appears that today he got his ish under control today and I did not so I was left behind and it was sad because I was doing nothing and had no one to talk to (because usually I talk to Sol since we were in the same boat :( ). And societal pressures kept me from just leaving and reading for the whole time. I did go to the bathroom for like 7 minutes and wrote a psalm.
Psalm of Marjai 11/18/16
Father God,My life is not a damn joke.
I don’t have patience for these games.
There is nothing for me to do and u created me to not be a good faker.
I feel like I always need babying or rescuing from people.
Not impressed.
Father help me to find stuff to do.
Help me to be bold with your spirit leading me.
Help me to help my group.
It must have helped, because afterwards, I then joined the bus stop team and actually did something (a little) (there were less people over there but less work). And then after lunch I stood around some got to talk to Joon hung (Chris) (he is a triplet)! And then I got to build a hole with Leah (?, Sol told me Liam but she said that wasn’t it and then didn’t catch it right). It was cool and it was cool talking to her too and learning a little bit about her and her life (shes an only child) (ehh more ok, because I am really big on feelings and the convo didn’t flow as comfortably as I would have liked). I think especially since I have been have better convos with the guys in the class than the girls it was cool to attempt to change that (which is not at all representative of my life, I have like no guy friends).
Digging holes was some hard work that I enjoyed, like sometimes its boring but I really enjoy physical labor, and seeing the end products of what you work on in physical form, which is one of the reasons I took the class. Those holes were deep so it was cool to finish something infuition. Today was a perfect day weather wise so happy to be outside today. Like uber especially since it’s suppose to like snow later this week. It’s truly a gift from God.
Am worried about the weather the next weeks that we are outside for the class……..and finishing this deck…………
It shall work out