#dino queue

[sad-little-dino]

confused because im being told x y and z

but 2 + 2 ≠ 5, and x - y ≠ z

[sad-little-dino]

I sent him a message today backing out of plans we had and were still gonna try to do, and left a group chat we were in together.

it stings. i feel nauseous even tho I know its for the better

[sad-little-dino]

resisting the temptation to look at his blog is HARD but ik im just gonna get mad.

also, since we immediately went no contact, I wasn't prepared for the boredom. I wanna text him, not to ask why or anything, just to talk like we used to, our old normal. and that doesn't exist anymore which SUCKS

[sad-little-dino]

hello I'm back again. nothing abt breakup this time, but I'm spiralling about not doing what im supposed to do (from societal expectations to exceptions of societal expectations to things I've observed to my homework/things with deadlines and even self imposed things like "go to bed.")

[sad-little-dino]

admittedly funny thing that has happened amidst the feels: my dad asked how I was doing and I had to confess that I just cried to Last Christmas by Wham, which is his least favorite song. not xmas song. most hated of all the songs.

the look he gave me was such a combo of disappointment and sadness it actually made me giggle

[sad-little-dino]

breakups are such roller coasters man what the hell

[sad-little-dino]

hmm ok. so we've talked and have said that we're gonna try and be friends again in a month or so and then see where it goes. But he also just asked me about relationships and boundaries outside of us, if we are working our way back together then what would be cheating but if we are completely broken up then it's not like we are actively preventing each other from dating.

and I just... idk. I don't think he would start dating someone so soon but idk why he would ask if not that? and the thought of him with someone else makes me uncomfortable but we are kinda broken up so I don't feel like I can say he can't date anyone

[sad-little-dino]

ok so we talked and I'm actually feeling a lot better.

He confirmed he doesn't hate me, it wasnt my fault, and cleared up why the breakup happened in the first place, including a lot of things he's come to realize very recently.

He apologized!!!!

We also had a really nice conversation about how to move forward, if we were to get back together in the future what we would want, and overall it was just really informative, but also really nice to just talk to him again.

I feel a lot lighter