it's time to clear something up.
i have been out as a lesbian for about two whole years and now that more and more people are finding out that i have feelings and a genuine attraction to a man, i am getting questioned and almost harassed by some. i get questions and statements like these on a nearly daily basis when the guy i'm with is brought up:
"so you were lying?" "oh, you're bi?" "it's because he's not actually a man." "you're confused." "do you even have a preference?" "so you're straight now?"
and many, many more. let me just say this: i was not lying about my sexual preference, i was not confused nor am i now, i am not bisexual, he is actually a man, i do have a preference, and i am not straight. now, let's break it down.
i never "lied" about being a lesbian. everyone is in their own process of figuring out who they are and when i came out, i honestly believed that i could never fall for a man. just because the man i am with is transgendered, does NOT make him any less of a man than a cisgender man. the only different between him and a cis man is the difference of anatomy. and honestly, it's not your business what he has in his pants, you're not the one having sex with him so why do you need to know? my preference is women. i absolutely prefer women over men because i feel as though i have more of a connection with them. and honestly, penises freak me out.
everyone is figuring out who they are, and that figuring out process happens throughout your entire life. you never REALLY know who you are because you discover new things about yourself every single day. i think that i am getting pounded with all these questions and statements because people are afraid that they can't label me anymore. they can't see a clear line between what i like and what i don't. it's OKAY to change your mind about ANYTHING. people seem to think that once a person titles or labels themselves, that they are stuck with that label for life, and that is simply not how it is. you can change your mind at any point in your life. when you're 75 and you've ben married for 45 years, you can decide that it's not what you want anymore, get a divorce, and be with someone of the opposite gender from the person you were previously with. like i said before, we all learn new things about ourselves every day.
now, let me touch on the whole "he's not really a man" / "you knew him as a girl and that's what you're in love with." logan is a transgendered man. yes, i first met him when he identified as female and went by his birth name. yes, i fell in love with him as a girl. BUT, i fell in love with him all over again as a man. i fall more in love with him every day as the man that he is. i totally accept him as a man and that is the only person i see him as. i think it scares people that love could possibly have no boundaries. it scares people that when people fall in love, they could fall in love with anyone. you don't decide the person you fall in love with and if you choose to shut out your feelings for someone because of their gender, then you're just being stupid. why would you deny your love for someone just because they don't fit your "label"? i just find that dumb.
so i guess what i'm trying to say is... i'm courtney. i'm a lesbian, and i am very much in love with my boyfriend, logan.
