Anon Advice Asks - April 26th
trapped anon, masking anon, grounded anon, dislocated knee anon (new), alabama anon
trapped anon
Nothing bad today just wanted to update with good things happening in my life!!
I think I've figured out my gender stuff more and I've started going by they/she/he pronouns
AND
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW AND I LIKE HIM SO MUCH AND HE MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY
Ahhhh congratulations! I'm so happy for you and your boyfriend! And I'm glad you've figured out your gender stuff too!
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Masking anon
Hiya! It’s Masking anon
This is most likely going to be long, bothersome, and depressing. 😅
So, I’m not doing so great? My parents are always commenting on my body and stuff again, like
“Whys your tummy poking out??” When I wear jeans, making my belt tighter because it’s too loose and I don’t look compressed enough or whatever, making degrading comments about their own bodies in front of me, talking about their own weight loss and putting their insecurities on me. It’s made eating a lot harder. I look at food and it just looks gross and disgusting and vile. It tastes fine, I just hate the look and feeling of it.
And I’ve been trying to get off my phone, and do stuff that’s good for me, but I’ve just felt so out of it that it hasn’t been to the unrealistic degree I wanted. I mean, I know I’m doing good. I’ve come a long way, but it still hurts sometimes for some reason.
I’m very overwhelmed 24/7. Everything’s loud, and annoying, and everything looks weird. Like there’s a weird fog between my brain and my eyes and like only one of my eyes I focused at a time I guess. It makes everything suck. It makes it really suck. Because it makes everything harder but it’s even worse when it doesn’t go down after a while. It makes everything get louder and louder. I’ve never wanted to hit someone before but they just wouldn’t stop dismissing me, and they just wouldn’t stop talking and it made me want to shut them up. It sucks.
I’m starting to think that my friends… might not be great friends? I know I was caught up in defending them, I just didn’t want to like, berate them behind their back, but… they kinda ignore me? Like when I ask them about something, like homework, they take ages to reply. Like I asked if anyone wanted to double check a really important science assignment in an 8 person group chat. 2 people responded (that’s not what I’m taking frustration with). The first person was like “Uggghhhh fine I’ll check is with you”. The other person saw my text, ignored it, and then told a knock knock joke. I answered the knockknock joke and they still ignored my previous 2 messages. And whenever I try and talk to them they always seem to prefer each other. I know it’s easy to be swept up in annoyance and anger when I’m like this, but i don’t think they’re very great friends. I don’t think I even have a best friend at this rate. It’s fine though, really. I just, kinda thought that this year I’d find my people, you know?
Also, what should I do when it gets bad? Like… my head? For some reason I’m on the verge of tears, my room looks like a prison cell, the light from outside is so sterile and white, I’m lonely, and (redacted). It just gets bad like this sometimes. I wish I had someone to just, hold me or comfort me. I wish my suffering mattered enough to somebody that instead of empty promises of “being there” for me, someone was actually there. It hurts. A lot. I guess I just needed to scream into the void. Thank you, I’m sorry for the heavy topics <3
Hi <3
It sounds like you have a TON of overwhelming things going on and I don't blame you at all for feeling so overstimulated and frustrated. Remind me- do you have an adult you can talk to? I know you said your parents aren't being supportive, but maybe a teacher, guidance counselor, coach? I just want you to have someone you can go to so you don't feel alone.
As for what you said about friends...yeah, I mean you deserve people who prioritize you and respect you. But just because these people might not do that, doesn't mean nobody will do that. People like that DO exist, and as much as it sucks, you have to try to keep looking for them. But your effort into that, rather than people who aren't prioritizing you, you know?
Remember- you are valuable and worth it. When things get bad, put yourself first (more than usual). Do things for YOU. Do what you enjoy, and don't feel bad about it. You deserve to give yourself love, as well.
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grounded anon
Hi!
Ugh, I'm sorry about the confusion with your friend. That sounds so frustrating and painful.
As far as church...all I can do is share my opinion because like...some people feel differently about those things than others, right? And I'm not SUPER educated. But I think you should do whatever's safest for you at the time. If taking communion will make you safer and cause you less trouble, I would do it. I, personally, don't think there will be like...divine repercussions for doing that even if you're having questions about the church's ideals. And even if it might feel weird to you, you're keeping yourself safe, like...that's the focus, and what God would fault you for that?
Granted, I know some people will probably find that take offensive and I get that. Communion is a holy and very special practice for a lot of people, and I respect that. When I am in a catholic church for a wedding/funeral, I don't take communion because I'm not catholic and I never had a first communion, so it would be wrong. But like I said, with your mom's reactions to you in the past, if you feel like it's safer to do so, safety should come first.
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dislocated knee anon
Hey Cas!
I just saw your anon who said she dislocated her knee cap. Ik there are 8billion people on the planet but it's crazy because this just happened to me at the start of first term😭😭
Mine was dislocated for 30mins and the ambulance took to long so it just went back in by it self when my leg slipped and straightened.
When I got back from the ED at 1.30am I literally cried because I couldn't used the toilet properly with the stupid splint on and my crutches.
I was also really lucky and didn't fracture anything, but I also haven't been remembering to do the exercises that I still have but the doctor said I've been doing well and I didn't say that I haven't done the exercises, but I guess I'm just healing? 🤷♀️
It sounds really painful to dislocate it while skiing 😬😬
I was literally closing my curtain with one knee against the bed and then I twisted my leg and fell to the floor screaming in pain. So when people would ask how I did it it sounds pretty lame. hehe
This sounds SO fucking painful. But also....your story sounds like something I would do. Like did you dislocate your knee from skiing? Nah, I just was closing my curtains.
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alabama anon
Hi!
Okay so I am NOT a professional, but everything you're describing- apathy, dissociation, sadness, everything else...these are all super common warning signs/symptoms for depression or other mental health issues. I REALLY think you should talk to someone about this because you don't deserve to feel like this. I know it's hard to admit you need help, and you might even be thinking 'oh it's not that bad' or 'I can deal with it on my own' but the things with things like this is your mind is really great at convincing you that you don't need help when you DO. You said your school has counselors. Are they helpful? Could you talk to them?
Sending love <3