Ok so me and this person started "jokingly" flirting with each other. Which, as I'm sure you could guess, quickly got out of hand and I've developed a bit of a crush on them.
And now we're like talking all the time and always flirting, and agh it's so frustrating because, I think they might actually like me back, but even if they do, it's not like I can do anything about that. I'm so heavily closeted and I don't think I'll be able to be in a relationship for a long time. And even then, I don't think I should, because I'd basically have to have a secret relationship and I don't want someone else to have to go back in the closet.
Idk, I had mostly accepted that I'd never really get to fall in love, have a relationship, get married, all that, and I was kinda fine with it. But this whole thing is reminding me of how much it sucks that I don't get that. It sucks how I would lose everyone in my life for loving someone. Which like, everyone says "just leave your family, you know they're terrible", and, yeah, I know, but I still love them. And I can't hurt them. I'd rather be miserable my whole life than hurt them like that.
Anyway, this just kinda spiraled into a rant, sorry about that lol
I appreciate you so much! <3
Hi hon <3
It sounds like you're sacrificing your feelings for other people, which is so sweet and kind and like...noble. And maybe, right now, that's also what's best for you, since safety is a concern. But in the future, remember that your feelings are also important and valuable as well.
As far as the person you're flirting with, I think if they try to take things any further, you should be honest with them. Tell them you like them but you can't be out right now. I think they deserve the truth, you know?
ISOLATED BUCK idc if you’ve told me already tell me more 👁👁
this was one of the most popular ones requested and i’m SO late to respond but here it is!
isolated buck is about a new dispatcher entering the friend group via maddie and chimney, but for some reason, he doesn’t like buck. but he hides his dislike well, and buck is happy that maddie has another friend who is supportive of her and gets along well with chimney as well and doesn’t wanna take that away from them. so he chooses to ignore the friend. until things take a turn 🫣 this includes all the buckley siblings love, lots of whump, and buddie!
Nothing bad today just wanted to update with good things happening in my life!!
I think I've figured out my gender stuff more and I've started going by they/she/he pronouns
AND
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW AND I LIKE HIM SO MUCH AND HE MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY
Ahhhh congratulations! I'm so happy for you and your boyfriend! And I'm glad you've figured out your gender stuff too!
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Masking anon
Hiya! It’s Masking anon
This is most likely going to be long, bothersome, and depressing. 😅
So, I’m not doing so great? My parents are always commenting on my body and stuff again, like
“Whys your tummy poking out??” When I wear jeans, making my belt tighter because it’s too loose and I don’t look compressed enough or whatever, making degrading comments about their own bodies in front of me, talking about their own weight loss and putting their insecurities on me. It’s made eating a lot harder. I look at food and it just looks gross and disgusting and vile. It tastes fine, I just hate the look and feeling of it.
And I’ve been trying to get off my phone, and do stuff that’s good for me, but I’ve just felt so out of it that it hasn’t been to the unrealistic degree I wanted. I mean, I know I’m doing good. I’ve come a long way, but it still hurts sometimes for some reason.
I’m very overwhelmed 24/7. Everything’s loud, and annoying, and everything looks weird. Like there’s a weird fog between my brain and my eyes and like only one of my eyes I focused at a time I guess. It makes everything suck. It makes it really suck. Because it makes everything harder but it’s even worse when it doesn’t go down after a while. It makes everything get louder and louder. I’ve never wanted to hit someone before but they just wouldn’t stop dismissing me, and they just wouldn’t stop talking and it made me want to shut them up. It sucks.
I’m starting to think that my friends… might not be great friends? I know I was caught up in defending them, I just didn’t want to like, berate them behind their back, but… they kinda ignore me? Like when I ask them about something, like homework, they take ages to reply. Like I asked if anyone wanted to double check a really important science assignment in an 8 person group chat. 2 people responded (that’s not what I’m taking frustration with). The first person was like “Uggghhhh fine I’ll check is with you”. The other person saw my text, ignored it, and then told a knock knock joke. I answered the knockknock joke and they still ignored my previous 2 messages. And whenever I try and talk to them they always seem to prefer each other. I know it’s easy to be swept up in annoyance and anger when I’m like this, but i don’t think they’re very great friends. I don’t think I even have a best friend at this rate. It’s fine though, really. I just, kinda thought that this year I’d find my people, you know?
Also, what should I do when it gets bad? Like… my head? For some reason I’m on the verge of tears, my room looks like a prison cell, the light from outside is so sterile and white, I’m lonely, and (redacted). It just gets bad like this sometimes. I wish I had someone to just, hold me or comfort me. I wish my suffering mattered enough to somebody that instead of empty promises of “being there” for me, someone was actually there. It hurts. A lot. I guess I just needed to scream into the void. Thank you, I’m sorry for the heavy topics <3
Hi <3
It sounds like you have a TON of overwhelming things going on and I don't blame you at all for feeling so overstimulated and frustrated. Remind me- do you have an adult you can talk to? I know you said your parents aren't being supportive, but maybe a teacher, guidance counselor, coach? I just want you to have someone you can go to so you don't feel alone.
As for what you said about friends...yeah, I mean you deserve people who prioritize you and respect you. But just because these people might not do that, doesn't mean nobody will do that. People like that DO exist, and as much as it sucks, you have to try to keep looking for them. But your effort into that, rather than people who aren't prioritizing you, you know?
Remember- you are valuable and worth it. When things get bad, put yourself first (more than usual). Do things for YOU. Do what you enjoy, and don't feel bad about it. You deserve to give yourself love, as well.
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grounded anon
Hi!
Ugh, I'm sorry about the confusion with your friend. That sounds so frustrating and painful.
As far as church...all I can do is share my opinion because like...some people feel differently about those things than others, right? And I'm not SUPER educated. But I think you should do whatever's safest for you at the time. If taking communion will make you safer and cause you less trouble, I would do it. I, personally, don't think there will be like...divine repercussions for doing that even if you're having questions about the church's ideals. And even if it might feel weird to you, you're keeping yourself safe, like...that's the focus, and what God would fault you for that?
Granted, I know some people will probably find that take offensive and I get that. Communion is a holy and very special practice for a lot of people, and I respect that. When I am in a catholic church for a wedding/funeral, I don't take communion because I'm not catholic and I never had a first communion, so it would be wrong. But like I said, with your mom's reactions to you in the past, if you feel like it's safer to do so, safety should come first.
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dislocated knee anon
Hey Cas!
I just saw your anon who said she dislocated her knee cap. Ik there are 8billion people on the planet but it's crazy because this just happened to me at the start of first term😭😭
Mine was dislocated for 30mins and the ambulance took to long so it just went back in by it self when my leg slipped and straightened.
When I got back from the ED at 1.30am I literally cried because I couldn't used the toilet properly with the stupid splint on and my crutches.
I was also really lucky and didn't fracture anything, but I also haven't been remembering to do the exercises that I still have but the doctor said I've been doing well and I didn't say that I haven't done the exercises, but I guess I'm just healing? 🤷♀️
It sounds really painful to dislocate it while skiing 😬😬
I was literally closing my curtain with one knee against the bed and then I twisted my leg and fell to the floor screaming in pain. So when people would ask how I did it it sounds pretty lame. hehe
This sounds SO fucking painful. But also....your story sounds like something I would do. Like did you dislocate your knee from skiing? Nah, I just was closing my curtains.
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alabama anon
Hi!
Okay so I am NOT a professional, but everything you're describing- apathy, dissociation, sadness, everything else...these are all super common warning signs/symptoms for depression or other mental health issues. I REALLY think you should talk to someone about this because you don't deserve to feel like this. I know it's hard to admit you need help, and you might even be thinking 'oh it's not that bad' or 'I can deal with it on my own' but the things with things like this is your mind is really great at convincing you that you don't need help when you DO. You said your school has counselors. Are they helpful? Could you talk to them?
Hi Cas, I’ve never done this before but I could use some advice right now
So I’ve always had a rough relationship with my family, and it would take forever to explain how complicated everything is but I do love them and I know that they do love me, in their own way, but it’s just… hard, really really hard. Honestly, I’ve been dreaming of moving out ever since I can remember, and I’m 17 now, almost old enough to move out, but I just feel trapped. Stuck. Like I’ll never be able to leave. But I feel like staying here will kill me. I have older siblings and they also haven’t moved out despite being adults for many years. I, and my siblings as well, feel like we aren’t allowed to, which sounds weird, but it’s just how it feels. Oh, I should probably mention, I’m homeschooled. Always have been. And I’ve never really had friends, or well, I did a couple times but my parents decided they din’t like the person and made me end the friendship. And so I’m very socially awkward and don’t really know how to function like a normal person. So I don’t feel like I’m ready to leave. But also, I’ve been ready since I was 5 years old. Oh and another complication is that they are extremely conservative and homophobic, and I’m queer. And I feel like I’ll never be able to be out. Actually, my mom said once that if any of her kids were gay or trans, she’d kill herself. And like, I do love them, which might sound terrible, but they are my family and haven’t always been horrible to me. But I just have to get out. But I don’t feel like I can. I just feel so trapped.
Hi!
I'm so sorry you feel this way.
First, I want to remind you that your parents' emotions and actions aren't your responsibility. You didn't choose them and you can't control them. You deserve to do what's best for YOU.
That being said, I think the best thing to do is to prepare to leave before you do. Get a job, start saving up, learn how to make doctor appointments, do taxes, etc. Because it sounds like once you leave, you've left. I don't say that to scare you, I say that because you want to be prepared (like I was NOT lol, just ask all my credit card debt). There are a lot of free online classes to teach you about finances, independence, applying for a good job, finding your first place or applying for college (whatever you want to do in life). I would suggest making sure you're knowledgeable about all of that. Have a plan. But know that You are allowed to do this, and then do it. Don't allow other people's thoughts to change your mind. Do what's best for you, and own it, because you have one life to live and you deserve to live it.
If you need any advice or have any questions please feel free to ask. I have faith in you!
Oh wow! Your Seven Sentence Sunday snippet was me on the edge of my seat! I’m looking forward to seeing more (whenever, no pressure on timing, my dear). - trapped anon ❤️
I really just have to write the final scene to wrap up the fic, which is about 14k right now. I know what I want as well; the issue is just that I’ve had a lot of other stuff on my mind and taking up my time that when I sit to write, I really just want to decompress. But it should be coming within the next month I think. 🤔
Anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed that and I hope you’ll like the rest of it! 🤍
trapped anon, if you're out there, i hope you're well and i'm sorry i turned off anon messaging awhile back and then never posted anything. anonymous people pissed me off and then i fell off the surface of tumblr.
group work anon (new), perfume anon (new), trapped anon, grandmother anon (new), galaxy anon
Group Work Anon
Hi Cas :)
I'm getting really frustrated about a situation I've been in since starting uni, and I was wondering if you had any suggestions about how I could deal with it?
Basically, I'm on a uni course that has VERY small year groups. Like half the size of an average high school classroom. This means that one absence throws our class off so bad.
There are a few people who are consistently absent, and if they do show up they put minimal effort in. Not only that, but we get NO warning that they're not going to be in.
Most of our assessments are group assessments, and our marks group marks, so it's always a little like drawing the short straw if you're grouped with them.
I've been grouped with at least one for EVERY group assessment since I've started.
They said they wanted us to work with everybody at some point, but I've been consistently put in the same groups with the same people, having to pull the weight of my partner/group. I had to get an extension on my very first assessment because one of my group members was in so little that we had to cut her from our assessment, and the other went through an awful situation outside of class (which I don't hold against her in the slightest, she's like my emotional support rock at uni right now lmao and she works so so hard, it was just unfortunate timing for her) so I ended up writing the presentation and doing the PowerPoint and bringing props and stuff in by myself, which ultimately meant that our mark suffered.
My second assessment, I was put with the same two people and someone extra, meaning that it was me and the girl from the last assessment who's like my guiding light doing a disproportionate amount of work again.
I'm not going to list every assessment in this way, but I've been put with people who either don't attend class or put minimal effort in twice more since then, and each time I've had to overcompensate with my own work, and each time my mark has suffered.
We've just had group announcements for our latest group assessment groups, and I'm with one of the guys who doesn't really ever attend. He's going through a lot, so I'm empathetic to it, but in this situation, he won't actually be getting a mark, he's in a group for me to direct, meaning I'll get the overall mark. Not only that, but the scene I chose I made sure was two women specifically so I could get two people who were likely to show up and care enough to put effort in for me. Instead, I've got one girl who will definitely work really hard to play one of my female characters who experiences a lot of misogyny, and the only cis man in our entire class to play the pregnant woman being abused by her husband??
It doesn't work for my scene, and he won't put in any of the work to make it work even if I could find a way.
I think I need to talk to my tutor about it but I'm massively conflict avoidant and they know that I am. I'm currently the only person in my year group who hasn't had a group of hard workers for at least one of my assessments and I've reached my limit. I've been working so hard and I don't kick up a fuss, but this just feels unfair now.
Is there a way I can bring this up without letting my feelings get in the way too much? I don't want to be rude about their group decisions but I really can't keep going like this.
Hi!
Honestly, I would definitely talk to your tutor/teacher. As a teacher myself, I would wat to know about that sort of thing. In the very least, you deserve to have a backup plan if the unreliable people in your group don't show up, and at the most, the groupings should be different. You're nor complaining for being confrontational- you're standing up for yourself, and that's okay.
If you're nervous about what to say, you could write a letter or email, that way you can look over your words before you send. But any good teacher would want to know if you're continually being taken advantage of. Yeah sometimes people get dealt the shit end of the stick but when it happens over and over it's not okay.
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perfume anon
I am having my period. And I have like, too much pain. Most of the time I can't get up bc of it and live on painkillers and it happens too regularly I get it like 2 times a month almost and it lasts too long and shortly it's so frustrating and painful. To the point I faint. I also have trouble breathing and have a weak body in general (not being weak in strength wise, I am strong, I am just not Resistant, for example I can lift more than almost half of my class but wouldn't be able to continue that for long) fainted a lot of times.
And some boys have the audacity to say I should not use the elevator in my school because only teachers are allowed, and when I explained and I indeed had permission they say I am being dramatic and they should use the elevator too because they are tired after walking to school (they are staying at the dorms unlike me and it's literally next door and they are all athletes, like footballer etc, and indeed have no problem with walking) and 'it can't hurt that much.'
And then the girls in my class puts on perfume even though they know I have trouble with breathing and sensitive to that, and they refuse to open the windows because it's 'cold' and when I exit the class bc I literally can't breathe they laugh and if I stay out of the classroom for more than 5 minutes the teacher tells me to come in and I have to, and I just sit there and hope I won't faint bc of not being able to breathe while I hold myself from coughing bc it 'ruins the lesson'.
The elderly on the bus gets mad when I don't gave them my seat when I know I will have to go to hospital if I have to stand up for an hour with my 4 kg school bag and they are just traveling on the school starting/finishing time bc they are bored, bc in our country busses for eldery is free.
I didn't ask to be weak.
And I would much rather if I had a visible disability, at least people wouldn't say I am lying.
I am not doing those because I don't like your perfume and want to be a bitch.
I don't do that to escape your lesson.
I don't do that because I am lazy.
I don't want to go to school.
Hi <3
First I want to make sure you definitely know: You are NOT weak, you are NOT lazy, and you deserve to use the accommodations you're given.
However...have you gotten this looked into more? Your period should NOT be this debilitating. PCOS and Endometriosis as well as other conditions could be the cause, and there ARE treatments. I really think you should see a doctor. And KEEP seeing doctors until they do something about it- don't listen of they tell you it's normal or to just deal with it. You deserve to be able to function normally while on your period <3
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trapped anon
My older sister has started talking about moving away and I'm just like. well, on one hand, this would be absolutely devastating and I legitimately think I might die if she leaves me here alone in this house... but on the other hand, damn this will make me so Regulus Black coded lmao
</3 I'm so sorry about your sister possibly leaving. I can totally understand why you're so upset. Would you still be able to see her, call her etc? I'm glad you're able to at least laugh about it being Regulus coded lol
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grandmother anon
i'm so done with my grandmother. like she's a bitch to my mom and all but even that aside, she's just overbearing af. for example i love jeans, i live in them or just pants in general. and i went to see her today and then she went off on how girls in long skirts look nice, how i should wear them and how it's oh so nice when girls dress femininely and i couldn't really tell her to her face that i prefer to dress as masc so i had to make a lame excuse about how i'm just more comfortable in them and then she started saying that i was making a wrong decision by not wearing skirts and dresses except i find them impractical and uncomfortable and i'd rather dress masc but i can't tell her or my mom will get lectures and bc she's traditional af she'll make a big deal out of it. i'm also gay and she's being more open about the community recently but i'm still pretty sure that she'd tell my mom to cart me off to conversion therapy if she found out and blame her for me "turning out that way."
It's so frustrating when older people refuse to be openminded to newer ideas. I'm so sorry that she's acting like that. Remember that you have a right to dress how you want and love who you want. Her approval isn't reality, you know? I know it's not that simple, but it is true.
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galaxy anon
Hi, Cas! Galaxy anon here.
I said I'd keep you updated on how the whole therapy conversation is going, but the truth is I haven't had the courage to bring it up yet.
Whenever I have panic attacks or mental breakdowns in school, everyone just assumes it's the stress of my upcoming exams that's upsetting me, and I just kind of go along with it because I go non-verbal when I'm crying. They tend to ask yes-or-no questions, so I just nod when they ask if it's about my exams because I don't have the heart to unload everything onto the people I hold dear, and it would be so awkward if my teachers knew.
I've tried to bring it up to my parents but I keep chickening out at the last second every time because I'm honestly worried that it'll change the relationship I have with them. They seem to think I tell them everything because that's how they tried to raise me, so I guess I'm nervous to see how they'll react when they discover that I've been hiding all of this from them...
I've told my best friend all of this because I know that she struggles with similar things, but at the end of the day, she's in the same boat as I am. We both probably need therapy, haha, but neither of us is okay with the confrontation that the conversation would bring, so I think I'll probably put it to rest for a bit until I get a bit more confident.
Anyway, sorry for the long rant! Take care of yourself (and make sure you're drinking water because I know I keep forgetting), and I hope you have a nice day!
Hi! <3
When you're ready, maybe you could write a letter to your parents? That way you don't have to think of the words in the moment, you just have to hand them the letter?
But until then, I'm proud of you for talking to your friend and working on building up the courage!
