#distant meowing

[leialovett-archive]

Welcome to my breakdown today. I still become a sobbing wreck at least once a week over Carrie’s death. I was supposed to meet her in early January. Her next con was going to be New Orleans Comic Con. I was going to get a picture with her and an autograph and I was going to hug her and cry and tell her how much she means to me as a young adult with another “scary” mental illness. Tell her how much Leia means to me and how relating to both her and Leia gives me strength and hope. My mom’s friend told me how similar she thinks I am to Carrie I hold that with me every day.

“She loved you.”

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[leialovett-archive]

The word “snubbins” just came into my mind and I don’t know why but I thought I’d share

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[leialovett-archive]

I’ve never been called dyke but there have been multiple times in which I’ve been called f*g or f*ggot. I especially don’t understand that.

[leialovett-archive]

man everyone submits to that ‘reasons why im splitting’ blog for like HUGE valid reasons like ‘i’m splitting on my fp because they broke up with me’ ‘im splitting with my fp because they stole my car’ OR SOME SHIT LIKE

…. i just… dont see that as splitting, at all  i think because its normal to be mad at someone n fuckin temporarily hate them for doing BIG SHIT like that

now if you go from praising them to hating them for like, not replying within a minute, or not changing the channel on the tv, or hanging out with a friend, or forgetting to grab you a soda or something, yeah, thats splitting

but what do i know dude!! 

[leialovett-archive]

I remember specifically I was at a sleepover in middle school and the girls there were talking about how “gay people are cool” and they all looked at me and said “you’re ..not cool, right?” And of course I wasn’t gonna come out to them right there so I said no. Not to mention how many girls who were my “”“friends”“” even “”“”“"BEST FRIENDS”“”“” always lead me the fuck on after I came out to them. I was everyone’s toy. Not only had I been consistently sexually harassed throughout middle school and highschool I had to deal with many of my friends playing with me and my emotions just because they knew I was bisexual and later a lesbian

[leialovett-archive]

Focusing entirely on myself is really difficult especially because it still feels like I heavily rely on One Person for like... I don't even know what anymore. But like how I feel has ALWAYS been up to someone else. Though I blame myself for everything as well. Shit hell bpd hell hell hell. I just know I can't drag anyone into a relationship I am Fucked the Up right now. But then I feel like I'm isolating myself?? And also I miss my ex so fucking much every second and it hurts? ?