#distortedmind

[distortedminds]

I want to say that I’m so happy the most popular post in this blog so far is a menacing mothman

[infinitonegliocchi]

Come stai,Liz? voglio la domanda di riserva. non chiedermelo perchè la mia risposta, quella reale, non posso dartela. Come sto? Sento un'opprimente sensazione di disgusto ogni volta che mi guardo allo specchio. Vorrei strapparmi la pelle dal viso, dalle labbra. Vorrei urlare fino a non avere più fiato, fino a perdere la voce. Vorrei cancellare dalle orecchie il tono falsamente dolce delle sue parole, vorrei strapparmi l'odore dell'alcol e del suo profumo dal naso. Vorrei cavarmi gi occhi perchè continuo a vederlo riflesso in ogni FOTTUTO specchio. Ma non ne sono capace. Stò bene. E sinceramente non sò, quanto possa suonare convincente.

[distortedmind89-blog]

The Distorted Mind of a Borderline

I have always wanted to write about my experiences with BPD but I didn't really know what I should say or whether I would have the courage to be honest with my experiences. So now I am going to give it a go :)

I have been officially diagnosed for a year now, although I believe myself I have had it since I was quite young, and I was told at 15 that they thought I may have a personality disorder and due to the thought of that 'label' I ran a mile. Only to finally accept it nearly ten years later. 

I fit all the criteria of a borderline, so the unstable relationships, fear of abandonment, paranoia, impulses, suicidal thoughts and self harming, unstable self image, the chronic feelings of emptiness, inappropriate behaviour and unstable moods.

Just some days are easier than others and I can sometimes go through a period of a month with periods of stability. However, when I hit those periods of stability I always think it false, that I just think everything is fine, or other times I think that maybe I don't have any mental health illness, so start to push away my therapist those that I would have relied on so much before the stability hits.

I feel like I am on the right path to learning to control all the aspects that come along with BPD. In time I am hoping to be able to use my experiences of it to help others in the future. Just need to make sure that I get into university and actually stay there this time, and don't once again chuck it all in for fear of failing or because I think of something else I would rather do instead. Think I need to try and stick to one thing and one thing only, and push other thoughts away.