Communication Problems? Get the Right Help
“We’re having communication glitches,” the caller lamented. “We’ve been fighting ever since our honeymoon one year ago. Neither of us feels heard or understood by the other. We love each other, but we just can’t communicate.”
As a marital therapist, the most common complaint I hear from couples who contact me for help is communication problems.
In the early years of my practice, I used to invite distressed couples to come in and let me teach them more effective communication skills. Now, I know better.
What have I learned?
1. Insight: Most distressed couples are too distressed to make good use of communication skills training.
Yet that’s where many therapists start with distressed couples: trying to teach them how to communicate better. It’s a mistake.
The partners are so angry that they just use their new communication skills to beat up on each other all the more. Their fights get worse!
Later on after their distress has been alleviated and anger has abated, learning to communicate better might help, but not at the start.
Numerous research studies show a high failure rate for communication skills training when used to treat distressed couples, yet this continues to be the treatment of choice for many therapists. Click Here to continue reading