To apologize or not to apologize: that is the question.
It is pretty much a guarantee that every time I take my son out in public he is going to do something that is not quite normal, at least once. Sometimes, that will be a scream when he sees me. (It’s his new favorite greeting. I was ok with just his ‘happy dance’, but apparently, that is not enough anymore.) Sometimes, it’s being loud when everyone is supposed to be quiet. Sometimes, it’s chewing furiously on his chewlery, doing his loud ‘huffs’ of breath or one of his various strange looking dance-like moves that helps him center himself. Sometimes, it’s a full-on sensory meltdown. Sometimes, it’s just refusing to interact with anyone at all.
I am aware that a lot of these things could be applied to pretty much any child, but Mr. G displays odd behaviors way more often and generally in more explosively hard to ignore ways. When he’s done grocery shopping or he really likes the song being played overhead, the whole store may know. When this doctor visit has gone too long or for some reason being touched that day is just too much for him to take, the people in the waiting room are probably wondering who is being murdered in the back. When he can’t sit still anymore and he has to do a dance in the aisle of the restaurant, it’s not a quiet performance. For a kid who only has a handful of words, his ability to vocalize quite expressively is admittedly impressive. And often very loud.
And when one of these things happens and people are looking your way, you’re always faced with one question: to apologize or not. Even if it’s in a public place, your child is being disruptive. They’re causing a ruckus. Our gut instinct, I think, is to apologize and explain, to give reasons or try to shut down the disruption quickly so as to not cause further embarrassment. And to be honest, I don’t have a perfect answer for this one yet. Sometimes, I do apologize; sometimes, I don’t. Often, I just respond to Mr. G in a normal voice, and if other people overhear, that’s fine. A scream will get a ‘I’m happy to see you too!’, or if he’s letting me know he’s done, I might say, ‘I know, I’m tired/hungry/ready to leave too. Thank you for being patient.’ Sometimes, it helps; sometimes, it doesn’t. If we hold up a line or a stairwell I do apologize, usually, and a few other special circumstances. Because I don’t believe having a special needs kid excuses me from being polite. Most people around us are understanding; some aren’t. That’s true whether or not your child is special needs, am I right?
It’s a situation that happens often for us, sometimes several times a week, so it’s often on my mind. Did I make the right call that time? Did I diffuse it quickly enough? Should I have apologized, or did I apologize too much? You’re constantly assessing and reassessing yourself and your strategies for next time. Because there will be a next time, it will probably be soon and being prepared is the only control you have.
