#diverging thoughts

[jayhndz-blog]

You Should...

You should get up

You should say in bed

You should study first

You should play a game

You should meditate

You should medicate

You should stop the cycle

You should relax a bit

You should kill yourself

You should love yourself

[applekings]

Wander or Wonder

Last year i was prescribed adderall, because i have terrible ADD and i guess ADHD. But what people dont really get about it is that its not just being hyper or not being able to pay attention.

its living your life and never knowing what you are doing. its constantly feeling like you cant do things, because you know that you cannot sustain your focus for that long.  its looking at a project, a book, a picture, a movie, and seeing it all at the same time and there's so much to notice and your mind cannot settle down on one thing. Wanting to listen to what people say in a conversation but your mind just goes off 10 miles away and you miss 80 percent of it all Each day is like when a person tries to multi task overload, and do toooooo many things at once, trying to give equal attention each thing, but ending up not being able to focus on anything, because youre constantly worried about the next task. its sitting in class that you love, and want to learn So bad, but the more you try to pay attention and listen and learn, the more you daze off, hearing only your scattered thoughts about nothing, or hearing only your inner self saying over and over again, "pay attention" or "this is important". i dont even know if adderall worked. i mean it helped, but i still feel like i Fucked up alot, like losing things that i just put down i cannot remember what i was thinking about 2 seconds ago. About 15 times in a 50 minute class i snap and realize that i have not been listening at all and i cant even remember what i was thinking about (or if i was even thinking about anything) its so frustrating. Blehh