I worked a double today. Not a true double, but something I would still consider a double, because working 13 hours straight (700am-300pm, 300pm-815) pis a pretty long time to be on the clock. With no break.
I worked at Ryther this morning at Cottage D, which is where the older kids are. It was my first time working a day shift during a school day. It was SO low key - almost as calm as working an overnight. I will definitely be working more days if I can pull it off. I always dread going to work there for some reason, which makes no sense because I always leave with my heart soaring somewhere above my head. Even on my worst days at Ryther, if nothing else, I learn some invaluable lesson from those kids.
I drove straight from the Ryther parking lot to the parking lot of the K-8 school where the older girl for my Friday afternoon sibling visit attends school. We drove from there to pick up her brother and hung out at the mall. Fridays are my favorite - I love hanging out with these two kids; despite all their hardships, they're still normal kids. They laugh when the other one burps, they love Justin Beiber, and they spend ridiculous amounts of time obsessed with the grown-up's cell phones. They can be hyper, believe me (that's why I don't let them get desert until the last 20 minutes of the visit), but they're kids. I love these kids, flaws and all.
Over the past few months, as I have described to several people what I do at work, I have gotten compliments on how strong, special, and selfless I am. How do I work with these kids every day? How do I deal with their disclosure of trauma? How can I handle going to work day after day at Ryther knowing there is a good possibility a child will be assaultive towards me, yell at me, have to be restrained by me, scratch and kick me, spit in my face? How can I go on visits day after day not knowing if the parents will show? Knowing that if they don't, I have to be the bad guy when I tell the kids mommy will not be coming today and its back to the foster home? Knowing that if they don't come, I don't get paid? How do I not break down?
The answer is simple. Its who I am. I'm not any stronger than a mechanical engineer, than a nurse, a teacher, or a doctor. I'm not any more selfless than a cab driver, a firefighter or a veterinarian. We were all divinely created, and that's who God made me to be. Many people do selfless things, as I do on occasion, but I wouldn't consider my job to be selfless. I love what I do, even with its inherit rewards and punishments. It comes with the job. Yes my caseload frequently turns over, yes I frequently work less than 40 hours a week. Yes I do get spit on, kicked, and cussed at. Yes I have to hear about terrible things at my job. But so do a lot of people in a lot of positions.
I knew when I was 20 years old what I wanted to do. I had no idea how I was going to get there, but God led me to where I was supposed to be. I went to Western to be a teacher. I changed from Elemetary Education to a dual endorsement with Elem and Special Education. After being accepted into the most competative program at WWU, I decided that I did not want to be in a classroom, and that I didn't want to work with all disabled children, but a specific group. A group some wouldn't label as "disabled", but rather "unwanted". The idea of working with kids who had emotional-behavioral disorders, ADHD, and other similar behavioral problems really intrigued me, and I felt like I had a lot to offer. The concept of working with foster children worked its way into the mix - I did not foresee that becoming my primary destination.
Four years later, here I am. I don't make a lot of money, I don't always have good days, but I always love my job. Seven years ago if you would have told me I would be here, I would have told you that sounded interesting, but you might be a little crazy.
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans."
I can't imagine myself in a classroom, confined and working at the same time, in the same place, with the same kids 9 months out of the year for 5 days a week. I would lose my mind! I frequently get a wave of peace that rushes through my body at the most stressful and difficult moments of my jobs, and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Makalya is a sloth!
Baskin Robbins
13 hours
Checks
Canceled...again/17.7 hours
5 days 'alone'
