#divorce.txt

[handoferis]

lame ass online sex work discussion plus sum otha shit

oh my god i cant wait to be done with online sex work. i know its long distance so im MASSIVELY privileged but oh my god. its exhausting. STBX just keeps pushing and pushing me to keep trying to hustle these dudes for fast food, getting them to pay for clips/voice calls, now she's trying to see if i can get someone to buy us a scale. "it has to be you i cant seem to get anyone to wanna pay for me." get good girl idk waht to tell you. like dude i like pigging out too but i cant dedicate my entire waking hours to snakecharming. i had this whole week off from school but i barely worked on my website. i havent opened my ROM emulator in months. one of my friends earlier this week was like dude when do you have time for like... you and your hobbies? like not just the casual birdwatching and sketching but like... you should get the chance to just hang out and play video games for a few hours. and it blew my mind. a few HOURS? i havent had that kind of spare time in years.

d&d does not count. its a long story but i basically only got into that bc she bullied me into that too. lmfao. i hate everything

[jotarosdivorcelawyer]

apparently there was a diamond is unbreakable mobile game at one point and i need everyone to see the shigechi model from it

[handoferis]

I can't begin to tell y'all how much the puppygirl thing parallels my divorce it was an insane read, just the way that simple tasks just don't get done, sex i dont wanna have, can't talk to her about anything cause no matter what she perceives it as an attack/fear of loss so i have to spend time reassuring her instead and nothing gets done or is solved. My wife is not a trans woman though or a puppygirl so at least there wasn't that aspect of it

[handoferis]

i keep smiling to myself and shes like "what?" and i cant just be like I HAVE AN EXIT PLAN 😃 im going to rip my skin off

[handoferis]

started crying yesterday cause im going to miss her

[handoferis]

I think the craziest thing about my life rn is that in 10 days the possibilities will be like actually endless for me. I'll be able to do what I want ..? For the past 8 years I've just been resigned to "compromising" and doing whatever the stbx wants for the rest of my life 🫩 i realized earlier this week she didn't even know my ice cream preferences anymore. I stopped getting what I like or planning groceries/outings on what I like because she always has to comment on it and make me feel "basic" or "plain" for my tastes. Or like we can't afford to get both of our preferences so we "compromise" and get what she likes because otherwise I would have to deal with the fallout of telling her "no." The latter is what really fucking kills me, like whatever make fun of my food all you want. You don't have to eat it, it's mine not yours tf. But the like, shutdown and passive aggression when I tell her no, or lately, the actual OUTBURSTS if I tell her no! And so of course if I feel like I can't even make my own grocery selections, I definitely don't feel okay asserting myself with very much else within the framework of this relationship 😐 Fucks sake dude. I can't believe how frog boiled I got.

[handoferis]

It's crazy. It gets realer with every person I tell. I'm leaving Michigan. I'm LEAVING MICHIGAN! I'm getting divorced. I won't live in a hoarder house anymore. I will be able to organize things, and they will STAY PUT AND STAY ORGANIZED. I'll be able to earn money, and spend it how I choose. Maybe even ON ME. :0

[handoferis]

Today we argued because she wanted my electrolytes and I got a little protective of them. "Since when do you give a fuck about your POTs?" Meanwhile me, who walks a couple miles a week, wears my compression socks, drinks electrolytes, takes beta blockers... yea I don't take care of myself though ok