#dizznees

[mukbeez]

the dizznees have hooked noses btw shannon came to me in a dream and told me to deliver this message i am the chosen one

[synonymroll648]

(Mostly) Detz Headcanons Because I Can

Fitz reaches a point where he just really doesn’t care about strictly following as many rules as possible anymore (doesn’t mean he’s irresponsible, though, he’s definitely still the group parent) and begins borrowing Alden’s pathfinder to the forbidden cities when it’s convenient

“Convenient” meant meeting the need to gather resources or follow through leads, at first, but then it turned into mostly taking Dex to pretty places he remembered from the Sophie Search

Usually, it goes really well; Fitz loves really likes the way Dex lights up and gushes about details of places he likes. He starts talking super fast through the grin that’s wide enough to break his face - if Fitz gets lucky, he starts bouncing up and down and pointing enthusiastically at things. Sometimes Fitz understands, sometimes he doesn’t. Either way, he always melts

...Except for the one time that Fitz didn’t realize that Paris was the place Dex had been taken when the Neverseen kidnapped him and Sophie. Dex had an almost instantaneous panic attack once he realized where they were

As soon as he explained Fitz got them out of there asap, and they just ended up drinking cinnacreme and hanging out (read: having snowball fights) at Rimeshire for the rest of the day

Dex assured him that it was fine, he didn’t know, but that still keeps Fitz up at night

One time Dex starts wondering out loud about the history of some cool ruins Fitz took him to and, to his surprise, Fitz immediately goes into an excited tangent about the history of the place

And that’s how Dex finds out that Fitz is a major history nerd

Fitz gets embarrassed afterwards because he’s used to boring and/or losing people when he starts rambling about history, but Dex assures him that he thinks it’s cool

Not too long after that Dex decides it’s safe to infodump on technology and alchemy projects

Unlike everyone else, Fitz actually tries to understand him and asks questions ’n’ stuff

Even if it means backtracking a lot, Dex really likes it

Idk if it’s official canon or not but I agree with the rest of the fandom when they say that Fitz is big on hand holding and kissing the back of his partner(s)’s hand(s)

And forehead kisses

And cuddling 

(In private, he’s not big on pda and neither is Dex)

Cuddling and forehead kisses change a bit when Dex is suddenly taller than Fitz, because it makes being the big spoon kinda difficult and he has to get on his tip toes to kiss Dex’s forehead

Fitz (lightheartedly) freaks out over that because “You’re a cinnamon roll, I wanna be able to, like, tuck you under my chin and protect you and stuff except that I can’t now, what the heck”

So for a while Fitz decides heels and platform shoes are his favorite footwear, anything to be taller than Dex (who, to Fitz’s dismay, only keeps getting taller and taller)

He has Biana and Della teach him how to run in heels and everything

Everyone finds it hilarious, though Fitz insists it’s not 

Then Dex slips at one point and Fitz catches him just fine

And while Dex is spluttering and blushing like crazy Fitz realizes that even though he’s shorter he can still carry Dex bridal style, so that automatically makes being shorter fine

Fitz still breaks out heels sometimes for fun but it’s no longer a Necessity

It becomes a Thing for Fitz to randomly scoop Dex up into his arms

At first Dex gets super flustered whenever Fitz does that, but he gets accustomed to it and just laughs most of the time

By the time Dex is done growing he’s at least five inches taller than Fitz so it looks a little bit weird, but everyone finds it endearing

Kesler and Juline were nice to Fitz before but once it became apparent the triplets actually listened to him, (having Biana for a sister has made him a master negotiator) they basically adopted him

He doesn’t mind, being at Rimeshire feels like he’s actually living, instead of being Mr. Perfect around everyone except for Biana at Everglen

The Dizznees are also really good at ice skating, for the most part

So they rope him into that every now and then

Dex, Juline, and the triplets are like. Pro level. The former two are super patient and nice about how Fitz is definitely not on the same level as him, but the triplets totally poke fun at him whenever they get the chance

They always apologize when they cross a line though, so Fitz doesn’t really mind

Dex doesn’t really get many opportunities to have fun out on the ice anymore, so he doesn’t really resist too much when the triplets challenge him to a race or something

Fitz just chills on the sidelines for the most part when that happens, he’s actually pretty good at being a cheerleader

What makes him feel better about his skill level is how within a week he’s better than Kesler

Kesler’s coordination skills just. REFUSE. to cooperate with ice skating

He can’t get on the ice without immediately face planting unless he’s holding Juline’s hand, even after about at least 2 decades of ice skating with an unofficial pro

It’s both impressive and adorable how when the triplets start skating towards Fitz, Dex will go out of his way to skate to him faster because he needs to be “protected”

(He really does, but Fitz won’t acknowledge it lol)

Sometimes Dex will skate in circles around him for a bit while teasing him and then leaving again 

He laughs the whole time while Fitz whines

FItz isn’t sure whether that’s worse than when he skates up to him out of the blue, gives him a quick kiss, and then leaves again

At least Fitz is better at tying shoe laces, Dex hasn’t ever bothered to learn the right way to tie them

Speaking of tying things, Fitz finds the lopsided bows that Dex ties onto the occasional gifts he gives Fitz quite charming

Dex’s gifts are almost always something that has a practical use, and quickly become integrated into Fitz’s everyday life

It has somehow made Fitz even more of a sap than he was before which Biana didn’t think was possible

A lot of times when Fitz gives him something he’ll see Dex turn into something to fidget with; he breaks it down and reassembles it into something completely different

The first time Dex did it he had literally no idea what he was doing, and then when he realized, he was horrified

Fitz thought it was super cool though

(It’s become more of an incentive for Fitz to get gifts for him, someone needs to stop this man-)

[crymeariveronceagain]

heard at Rimeshire at four in the afternoon:

”Juline, Juline, Juline, Juline

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man

Juline, Juline, Juline, Juline

please don’t take him just because you can

your beauty is beyond compare

with flaming locks of auburn hair

and ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

your smile is like a breath of spring

your voice is soft like summer rain

and I cannot compete with you, Juline!”

“KESLER! I LOVE YOU, DARLING, BUT THAT IS THE SEVENTEENTH TIME IN THREE HOURS.”

“I THOUGHT YOU LIKED IT, LOVE!”

“I DO, IT’S JUST GETTING A LITTLE MONOTONOUS.”

*brief silence*

*equally as loud as before* “Juline in the sky with diamonds--”

“KESLER!”

[gay-otlc]

Your wish is my command, Ref.

Kesler was raised Jewish and Juline converted when she married him

People are often mad at the Dizznees because their store is closed for Shabbat but you know fuck them (it's normal to close things on Sundays??? Why not for Shabbat???)

Despite being a technopath, Dex also doesn't use any technology on Shabbat. (There are a few exceptions when he needs to do tech stuff for the Black Swan to avoid not dying.)

Dex is Not Good at reading Hebrew. The letters just don't make sense to him, why is it right to left, why are there no vowels?

He feels really shitty about it but he struggles so much with reading Hebrew that he doesn't think he could have a Bar Mitzvah

After maybe possibly almost dying in the first book, then not dying, he decides that being more religious is something he wants, and that he wants to have his Bar Mitzvah after all.

Juline and Kesler help him, and he manages to read a parsha. He doesn't invite many people, just his family and a few friends, but they're all incredibly proud of him.

Kesler knits Hanukkah sweaters for the entire family (Juline is horrible at knitting, so fuck gender roles)

Dex is always forgotten about just like Judaism is always forgotten about isn't it nice how that works out haha

Dex fucking loves weird looking menorahs, he makes them every Hanukkah.

He's also basically addicted to rugellech (is that how you spell it? I don't knowwwwwwww)

One time, a teacher gave Dex detention because he hadn't done his homework over Yom Kippur. He told his teacher he wouldn't be able to do anything because it was a Jewish holiday, but they didn't listen. Me? Projecting? Nooooo-

Kesler helped Dex turn that teacher bald. Juline, who normally was not a fan of Kesler and Dex pranking people, fully endorsed this plan and also helped.

The triplets take turn doing the four questions.

They are an entity of chaos on Purim, avoid at all costs.

The Dizznees don't really like the Vackers at first, but once they grow to tolerate each other, they often have Seders together.

Kesler's deepest regret is that he couldn't find rhyming Hebrew names for all four siblings.

Anyway, it was supposed to be a joke when I said I was going to convert the entire Keeper crew to Judaism, but...

[sunset-telepath]

What we learned from the Unlocked Map

The Dizznees and Elwin are Canadian - which makes sense, considering they’re walked over by the other characters and simply put up with it.

There is an elf-graveyard off the coast of Quebec

Candleshade is West Coast

Everglen is New-England East Coast

Which reflects the Sencens and Vackers - the Sencens are new money and the Vackers are old money. As someone familiar with the difference, it’s actually surprisingly accurate.

Mysterium is in Florida which explains why the Nobles hate it

Gildingham is in South America (which makes sense, considering it inspired the stories of El Dorado)

Havenfield is off the coast of California. So that’s cool, Sophie’s close to her old home.

The Shores of Solace are in Australia. Interesting.

Eternalia is in Asia - but seeing as Fitz said that it inspired the legends of Shangri-La, we already knew that.

Atlantis is in the Mediterranean. Meh. I can’t think of any jokes here~

Foxfire is in Egypt. That’s cool.

We already knew that Lumenaria was on the channel islands

Stina is a lesbian Swedish/Nordish Lesbian Unicorn Girl

Ravagog is in Russia

Loamnore is in Russia/Mongolia

I don’t really have anything for the other locations~

[saintashes]

dex, just working on something: onion rings are just vegetable doughnuts

kesler: sure they are, kid

dex: your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed

kesler: okay

dex: lasagna is just spaghetti flavoured cake

kesler:

dex, oblivious: lobsters are mermaids to scorpions

juline: *crying* please sTOP

the triplets: no, continue, please

[marellinhs]

happy Father’s Day to Grady and Kesler, the only kotlc dads! 😌

[meelsonwheelsies]

literally every tribunal

The Council: if this was a time of war, I would have you flogged

Sophie: but since it's not, we'll let it go just this once?

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*Sophie ends up in the stocks with fruit being thrown at her but it's really just a minor punishment*