#dizzyizzy

[lotuscordial]

back to the topic of my former crush (3/3)

OKAY I PROMISE FINAL CWG POST.

a list of how i feel and felt bc it doesn’t make sense as one whole thing:

is he used to blatantly rejecting girls like that? if so, he must be a total dick.

i was and still am VERY VERY frustrated over the fact that he didn't even acknowledge me. he saw the text and didn't even say anything.

i feel a little played, honestly. though he didn't quite lead me on.

first and last time i do that with a guy.

he is SUCH a dry texter.

just why? why didn't he acknowledge me?

fuck him.

should i have tried something else?

i'm glad i didn't cry over him. he's not fucking worth it.

cough anyways moral of the story is that jock-y teenage boys don't know how to work with a girl's feelings

𓆩✧𓆪

[dizzyizzyart]

I maked a punkin

[lotuscordial]

back to the topic of my former crush (2/3)

(gonna make another post about him after this story) so now: after spring break. i was getting tired of not making a move. so i do the stupid one weekend: I TEXT HIM. (Wingman gave me his number pre-spring break)

i told him my name, how i got his number, and that i wanted to get to know him. that's it. four simple texts.

and jesus i did my best to be nice and considerate. "if you're interested". that's all.

i think it was a sunday? but yeah. next day, talk to Wingman in advisory, who asks me about the whole text thing. i explain it to him. here's what i remember Wingman saying: "he started screaming at me. 'DID YOU GIVE THAT GIRL MY NUMBER?!' but he was mad at me, not you."

okay. cool. no...direct response. i'm patient and watch from afar. i wait for the rest of monday, for something. anything. soon enough it's wednesday. and it's friday.

friday. just last friday.

friday he's talking with another girl who i've NEVER seen him talk with before. laughing. hugging. soon enough i know it. they're talking.

he's talking with a girl. and it's not me.

i'm not heartbroken. i don't cry. i'm not angry. i was surprised i didn't immediately emotional, even just inside.

i knew he had so many other girls chasing after him. i knew my chances were tiny. but i had hope. i made the move.

he never responded. i was ignored. he didn't even acknowledge me. i know if he directly rejected me i would've been worse off.

i can't believe that even happened. i could've been his girlfriend. i could've been someone to him but i wasn't. we actually made eye contact before too. i thought i had a chance.

why not me? (HAHAHA MITSKI REFERENCE WHOOOO)

𓆩✧𓆪

[lotuscordial]

back to the topic of my former crush (1/3)

a little bit of a vent! just kind of wanted to get this off my chest. no capitalization i'm feeling lazy huhu. here's how it went:

i was being shipped with this guy. let's call him CWG. (careless whisper guy. he plays the sax)

sometime around february i developed a crush on him. i don't really know how it happened. i don't know why i liked him. i thought it was maybe his mannerisms and his appeal?

well anyways i was forcibly given a wingman (who we know as mr. doohickey), who is friends with CWG. he continuously encouraged me to talk to CWG. but imma be real, CWG was the first person i had a REAL crush on. i've never had a crush, yeah. until him. and god, there really was something about him. and i really don't know why.

so time goes by, Wingman tells CWG about me (not my name tho). he seems very mildly interested, which i expected. considering the fact that...I HAD NEVER SPOKEN TO HIM BEFORE. yeah, one of THOSE crushes. fuuuuccckkk.

so fast forward to april. before spring break, Wingman convinces me to text CWG. Wingman gets mad at me for not going through and tells CWG my name and that i want to get to know him. CWG's response? "Ok". that's it. just "Ok". (he is SUCH a dry texter)

i took that as a positive response, and i'm sure it was leaning more towards neutral.

continuing in another post! posting after this huhu

BRING YOUR HATE TO HIM HERE MUAHAHAHA

𓆩✧𓆪

[dizzyizzyart]

day 1: treasure...mouse

[dizzyizzyart]

under...cover, lol

[unreliablewitnessofmyexistence]

emma just pointed out that i fall in love with secondary characters & couples more than the main ones. &&& that’s one hundred percent true. & shows how well she knows me at this point cause she can guess exactly who i’ll fall for in a show/movie. 

[tf2appoutofcontext]

I’m gonna give you a screaming seagull after I snort a line off your ass

DizzyIzzy