#dksg

[jyczrng]

When I said I don't believe in marriage, that was a lie

[jyczrng]

i woke up from a delirious dream, and checked my phone for a bit so i won't get too scared at 3am. one video made me laugh too hard i choke trying to contain it. i woke you up. it was actually cute, you were half awake. i don't think you even remember what you did. with eyes close, you reached for me, hugged me and patted my back. i was so bewildered with what was happening that i let you almost suffocate me 😅 you covered me with your own blanket, hugged me close, and fall back to sleep. and i was just there trying to breathe but felt so giddy. i love you, mi amor

[jyczrng]

I never realized how lucky I am to have my partner. Until one day, one of his friends asked me how he is in our relationship, they blurted out

"Ay wow. Princess treatment"

In fact, it wasn't the first time I heard it. I will hear my friends tell me, "Grabi ka naman, baby ka?" And my mom would usually say that I should cherish him even more. But I thought they were just supporting us in our relationship, specially with my past failed ones. Because these opinions were from my people, you know? So when it was his people who told me these words, I'm flustered and surprised. Because, aren't all relationship supposed to be like this?

And today, I'm reminded of the fact that not everyone is as lucky as I am to ever encountered a guy like my partner.

I just feel giddy again and guilty over my gloating on other people's experiences. 😅

[jyczrng]

i keep on hearing people that i should calm down when it comes to my upcoming wedding. that i was too excited about the planning and it's still too early to buy this and that.

honestly, it cut a little of the enthusiasm i have for the moment that i have been praying for since 2020.

we were engaged for 2 years, he proposed back in 2021 just before my father died so we postponed the wedding. proposed again back in 2023 before my mom started her chemo journey. time and time again we pushed it back and prioritized everyone else before us.

now it finally came, we have a date, a plan and a promised future just for the both of us. and i don't see the same support and sacrifice we have given to the people i expected to help us. we know nothing about wedding and i heard no stories of what needed to be done, the documents needed to be processed or any tradition i need to think of.

it saddened me and woke me up that i cannot expect reciprocity to everyone. love and grace is given without expecting anything in return.

[jyczrng]

#8

I've been feeling down and overwhelmed for the past couple of days as I plan my goals this year. I had wanted to learn a lot of things and I felt like there's not enough time for me to cram all these knowledge that's freely available to me.

So instead of taking a step forward, I felt like I was just stuck at the moment and was running out of time.

But then, when he comes home from work, everything was suddenly silent. I won't need to worry too much about the whole year, I wouldn't even feel overwhelmed, plans can change and it's okay to just lists down my interests and work on them when I can.

Because as he played his nightly DOTA session, I would be by his side, scrolling through phone. My feet would be on his lap, with the news playing in the background. Occassional comments of indignation as we listen to the news, and laugh when I share a funny short videos to him.

During those time, the world was still vast, but mine became smaller, just us and the moment.

[jyczrng]

#1

A new page, a new chapter.

When we were kids, we were used to annual essays just after the holiday season. Things like "What can you see for yourself 5 years from now", "My Christmas Holiday", and the most famous of all, "My xxxx New Year's Resolution". But this time, I don't really have a resolution, I am a work in progress and I can't really put more food in my plate at the moment.

I do have something else, a wrap up. Not really an essay but a list of kind, the things I did for 2024, my moments of celebration, my moments of pain, and more.

When I was surfing through all my photos as a guide for this list, I noticed something that made my heart flutter - a constant person. One that was always on the picture, beside me, behind me, or the one holding the camera.

Sometimes, when living with your partner, their presence became a norm and you expect them to be there and nowhere else. But going through all the photographs, I noticed something else.

He never left. Never been absent. Through the good and bad. Even when he could be somewhere else.

I realized I am such a lucky gal to be able to meet such person. Seeing this, made me love him more.

To this person, #dksg , if you found this post by chance, I want you to know that I not only love you, but I'm grateful that you exists, and that you chose to stay by side even when nothing is tying us together. No marriage, no kids, nothing, just tied by a promise that we'll love each other until the end.

[jyczrng]

a new year with you

[e-kultura]

Dom kulture Studentski grad Petak 30. avgust 21.00,  Amfiteatar

OSAM I PO

„Osam i po“ je priča o reditelju Gvidu koji treba da otpočne snimanje filma, ali ima kreativnu blokadu i počinje da preispituje sebe, svoj život i žene koje voli.