was your "chock-full of possibilities" post referring to Kalex? Because I know when I saw these similarities between Kara and Linda my first thought was on how Kara's view of Alex could possibly change. Or how her interactions with Alex could be affected. Alex was such a big factor in RD's story even though they never truly interacted with each other. What are your thought's, speculations, hopes?
I mean, if we’re splitting super-fine hairs here, it was referring to plot in general, both canon and fanon. (Just IMAGINE all the characterization choices you have at your disposal with that!)
bUT I would be a lying liar if I said most of my own thoughts haven’t been Kalex-colored and exactly as emotionally complicated as you’ve implied in yours.
Like. I imagine the context under which RD would’ve drawn that sketch of Alex. She spends so much time watching Kara, learning her life, her mannerisms, her interests, the people she keeps close to her, and…at some point RD’s eyes drift over to Alex.
To that face feels as familiar as breathing. Like the impression of her had always existed in RD’s mind, just waiting to be filled.
Alex lives in her now. A constant thrum of distant awareness, Alex’s existence a physical presence in RD’s body, in her skin, in her skull. Tucked into the hollow beneath her ear. Carved into her ribs. Woven into the sinews of her muscles. Wrapped around the column of her spine.
RD’s pen traces those lines of awareness. Spills Alex’s impression onto paper, like she’s trying to siphon off some of the excess adoration Alex pours through her veins.
She loves Alex with her whole being. She knows this, and takes it in without trying to pick it apart. It is just a fact of who she is; she is Red Daughter, she is Kasnia’s hope, and she is Alex’s.
RD stays away because there’s still work to do, and with their plan coming to a head, she needs to prioritize the situation at hand.
But she’s never not aware of Alex. Never approaches her, never makes any plans as to Alex’s fate after they kill Supergirl, but she has the impression of an image somewhere beneath the rendering of Lex’s vision for New Kasnia in her mind.
She never lingers on it, never brings it into focus, never draws attention to it. But it’s there; after it’s all said and done and America has fallen, Alex will be there, at RD’s side, because…she is a part of RD’s soul. There is no RD without her, and no existence RD could live WITHOUT her. So she is present in RD’s half-imagined vision of the future.
So when Kara re-absorbs the prodigal piece of her soul that lived in Red Daughter, Red Daughter’s uncomplicated love for Alex becomes its own kind of presence in Kara’s mind.
KARA may have been the one who loved Alex so much, she dedicated a fundamental piece of herself to the woman’s name, but RD was the one who never had to force herself to fit the world’s expectations of Kara Danvers, Alex’s dorky, helpless, human little sister.
RD never had to cut her own love off at the knees when it’s fervor exceeded the limits allotted to sisters.
RD never had to swallow acid around the stark realization that Alex only half-belonged to her. Could only ever be hers under very specific circumstances, and to a very limited degree.
RD never had to learn how to stop her eyes from lingering. How to undercut the heat that rose when Alex’s body moved. How to laugh instead of want, how to roll her eyes instead of touch.
RD didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to let it grow that big, to let the feeling go that unchecked, and take up that much space, with that much freedom.
The firm lines Kara cut into herself, all those years ago, have become blurred with RD’s return, and Kara has long-since become complacent in her subconscious ability to catch herself before she steps over one of those line.
So she’s not paying attention.
- - -
She’s not paying attention when Alex prepares her coffee in the morning, standing at the counter, still soft from sleep and looking eight kinds of beautiful. And Kara moves thoughtlessly. Lets her fingers curl around the blades of Alex’s hips, presses her front to Alex’s back, and buries her nose in the back of Alex’s neck.
Alex hums and braces back into her, smile in her voice when she calls attention to Kara’s uncharacteristic behavior, even as her hands cover Kara’s to let her know it’s not a request to stop.
Kara’s confused for a beat, checking her own body’s movements and finds them to be as natural as breathing, so certainly that must means she’s not acting differently–
And then she takes stock of exactly what her body had done so naturally. Takes stock of her hands, of her mouth, of the shape of Alex’s body slotted against her own in ways Kara had always avoided simply BECAUSE they felt too good, and Kara had been sure such indulgence would be a slippery slope toward something Kara would no longer be able to play off.
She realizes, in horror, that she hadn’t been paying attention.
- - -
It’s been so long since Kara’s had to put concerted effort into checking, and double-checking, her own physical affect in Alex’s presence, so she forgets, and keeps forgetting she’s forgetting, and keeps forgetting to remember that she keeps forgetting, and her body is doing things she’s long-since trained herself NOT to do, and Alex is standing at the center of it all.
They’re play-fighting over the remote and Kara traps Alex against the back of the couch, holding the remote aloft and grinning too close to Alex’s face before she abruptly realizes her own hyper-awareness of Alex’s breath against her lips.
They’re at the DEO, Alex letting the rest of the team in on a plan Kara already knows by heart, so her mind slips, and her eyes slip, and she’s unabashedly engaged with the fluid lines Alex’s figure cuts in that battle suit before Kara jolts back to herself and needs to mentally recite pi to the thousandth digit to keep the image–and her reaction to it–from sinking any deeper into her stomach.
They’re out at the bar and Alex is laughing with their friends, happy and carefree, not thinking too deeply when she forgoes the empty bar-stool beside them to instead position herself between Kara’s knees, tucking herself back against Kara’s chest. And Kara’s already too preoccupied with the scent of Alex’s skin to dislodge the purring slice of possession from staking its claim over the moment.
- - -
Kara forgets to remember, those proprietary lines now blurring and losing influence over the interactions they’d once ruled with an iron fist.
Red Daughter didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to want to touch, so Kara forgets she’s not supposed to want to touch.
Red Daughter didn’t repeat the stipulated mantra of sisters for years on end, so Kara forgets the stipulations inherent to the word sisters.
Red Daughter didn’t stop herself from reveling in Alex’s visage, so Kara forgets to qualify her enjoyment in the sight.
Red Daughter lives in her now. A constant thrum of distant awareness, RD’s existence a physical presence in Kara’s body, in her skin, in her skull. Tucked into the hollow beneath her ear. Carved into her ribs. Woven into the sinews of her muscles. Wrapped around the column of her spine.
And one day, Kara will forget she’s not supposed to catch those inviting lips with her own, because Red Daughter hadn’t known not to include that part into her impression of the future, so now Kara forgets that part isn’t meant to be included into her future.
The delineation between RD’s love for Alex and Kara’s wasn’t actually built on propriety versus impropriety. It just came down to the differences in the context under which each one learned their performance; one learned how to be the sister Alex needed for the first twelve years of their relationship, and the other learned how not to let her and Alex’s allotted roles today dictate the shape of their future tomorrow.
Kara built their history. Red Daughter built their opportunity.
And together they build opportunity on history.
- - -
(The end, I guess? I really don’t know where that came from, or why I’m like this. This got so far out of hand from the original point. I’m very sorry for this.)
