ive found out about a couple of organizations that can help you financially and to find surgeons for bottom surgery. ive had some email exchanges with them but havent heard back from a doctor yet. fingers crossed that the surgery i want will be within my reach
thinking about bottom surgery more has filled me with longing and pain that i havent experienced much of. thinking about my gender in more than just a theoretical sense has been weird. wondering more about what i want to look like and feel like in my body has been eye opening. ive viewed my body as a thing to decorate, to display, to make my own, for a long time. but i never really took into account the ways that was possible.
being trans is a never ender journey, one that is filled with all kinds of emotions, good, bad ane confusing emotions. its a wonderful experience im glad i get to have, even if its a scary one.
surgery feels so much bigger than hrt. there is a very real fear that i wont like what i get. like when you try a new hair style or get a new tattoo but its 1000 times more personal, more intimate, i dont know if there would be a way for me to go back. i dont think its bad, and the fear will not stop me from doing something i want to, but its still there, nagging at the back of my mind
idk what the point of this post is, sharing my thoughts i guess, letting other trans people know that its okay to be scared about what they want, and that even if something seems out of reach there is almost always a way to get what you want
