#dol blogging

[brandyspringsluxury]

working on a continuation of that DOL little ramble...I’m excited but it’s going to be longer for sure. Hope everyone will like it. I haven’t written this much in a long time so I really hope it’s okay. >.<

[brandyspringsluxury]

Inspired by this post by @necroticguts 

Don’t mind me inserting myself here.. I hope people enjoy? I wasn’t sure if I should send it via askbox... or just post it. So I decided to post it. It’s been a while since I wrote so it’s not as detailed or emotional as I thought/wanted and I banged it out real quickly with no beta so...we’ll see. Maybe I’ll rewrite it later

TW noncon, angst, dissociation, blood mention 

You were still reeling from everything; still reeling from the assault to the subsequent rape. You couldn’t ignore it, pretend it never happened. No, that wasn’t possible when Whitney ensured students filmed it from every angle. You still feel the phantom pains from it, feel his hands on your hips after finally managing to pry your chastity belt free. There were bruises on your hips in the shape of both fingers and where the belt pulled and put pressure as it broke. You still feel the terror coursing through your veins, adrenaline pumping so you have just enough energy to make it to the library. Your safe haven, where the love of your life waits for you. Sydney would comfort you, surely! Sydney was always there for you, always listening to you, giving you love and patience. You’re shaky still when you reach the library doors, on the verge of a panic attack. The doors are heavier than you remember, your breathing is near hyperventilation, and you’re beginning to feel like things aren’t real anymore. Maybe this was all a dream? Your body is feeling further and further away, despite you still being in it. 

You stumble to the counter and immediately, you know something’s wrong. Sydney isn’t greeting you, isn’t calling you his Beloved, or saying he has time. Instead, he’s actively looking down at the counter- as if trying to avoid looking at you. Your heart drops and if you felt more connected to your body, you’d have the half of mind to piece together what was happening. But, as it was, you were simply staring at your boyfriend in confusion. Why was he ignoring you? 

“Sydney-” 

“Stop,” he says and it’s then you notice he looks shaky, too. His voice is defeated and sounds watery. Is he crying? 

“Are you okay?” You ask in worry. You feel distressed for him, too. Something must have happened. You’ve never seen him cry like this before. You wonder why he isn’t asking if you’re okay, too…

“Please stop talking to me.” He whispers and like a gust of wind, you feel further from your body than before. Emotions sit beneath the surface, but you can’t access them, can’t feel them well enough to know. “You promised. You promised we’d remain pure together, save ourselves for each other!” It’s like a punch to the face, as if you rear back, but physically you can’t react. Your breathing has begun to calm. Nothing can be an issue if you don’t actually exist in the same realm as your body. 

“Sydney, I...it wasn’t- I didn’t-” You still somehow manage to stutter over your words, mind tripping in ways on how to explain it when you still are trying to process what happened yourself. Still so shocked that your virginity was ripped away from you in front of everyone, how it was filmed for the world to see, then how you were left crying, bleeding, and shaking in pain on the hallway floor when he’d been finished. Bloody cum left dripping down your thighs as you tried to stand lest people still crowd around you taking photos. 

“Don’t lie- everyone knows! Everyone’s talking about it, passing around the photos and the videos,” he’s definitely crying. His voice is cracking and weak, broken by hiccuped tears and shaky inhales. His hands are on his phone and you notice he’s doing something but it’s over so quick. You shake your head, you feel like you can’t catch a break. You feel like it’s backstab after backstab. Maybe everyone was right, you were a filthy slut, a nasty degenerate. 

“I didn’t want it,” you protest blankly and it seems to make Sydney cry harder. “I...I promise, I only want you. It was supposed to be-” 

“You can’t lie! Everyone saw you c-cum!” Despite his embarrassment in saying the word he manages to spit it out and you physically reel back his time. You couldn’t control that, not when Whitney was stimulating your body in ways you’ve never felt or touched or done before. You had no idea what you were feeling, no idea what he was doing to you. You couldn’t control your body’s reaction. You couldn’t erase the pain despite the orgasm, either. Still felt the ripping of your hymen despite the pleasure that overtook your body momentarily. 

“That doesn’t mean I wanted it.” You whisper, body shaking at this point. The adrenaline was beginning to wear off and you were starting to feel really tired. A hand on your shoulder draws your attention away from your sobbing boyfriend. Or, was he your ex boyfriend now? Your eyes meet Sirris’ and he begins to gently guide you away from his son, from your boyfriend. 

“Sydney, please!” You cry, moving to escape his grip only to fail and be pushed further out of the library. 

“Come on, make this easy. Let’s go to the Science classroom.” You don’t hear what he’s saying as the library door closes behind you. Your tears blur your vision and as you move to follow Sirris blindly, everything fades to black… 

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Thoughts about Doctrine of Labyrinths?

Love it! I have fond memories partly because I read it in early summer 2017, when my readings habits were kicking up again after a long slump. It’s a series that really prioritizes character over plot, which I love (plot is overrated), and has a great aesthetic (I mentioned recently that I need fiction to give me a sense of place, which this absolutely does). It also stretches out as a narrative beyond one traditional “arc” - the main villain gets defeated at the end of book 2, but that is not remotely the end of the main characters’ issues, and the aftermath of that and its implications for their characters is thoroughly followed through on. 

And Felix Harrowgate, as a character, just has everything. Gay, kinky, snarky, very magically powerful and innovative, traumatized mess of a human being. And his trauma manifests in extremely ugly ways too - he violently lashes out, he pushes people away, he deliberately sabotages his closest relationships, he engages in self-destructive behaviour, etc. And while he’s held accountable for that behaviour, he’s never abandoned or made into a villain because of it, and narratively he’s allowed to eventually get into a place where he might be healthier. That’s important to me.

Also I think the author does a good job of threading her characters’ traumatic experiences together despite their differing surface-level personalities and impressions - Felix and Mildmay and Mehitabel’s issues all coalesce at very comparable origin points.

The Mirador was my favourite of the books, even though it was tough getting into at first. Mostly I was won over due to a growing attachment to the ensemble cast. That’s why I didn’t love Corambis as much - I really liked its development of the brothers’ relationship, but I couldn’t get as invested in the setting or the new cast of characters, especially for just one more book, and resented the story being yanked away from the setting and supporting characters that I did like. I will say, though, that I really appreciate the fact that neither of the main characters ends up in an endgame romantic pairing. 

Also I am just entertained by how self-indulgent this series is. There’s incestuous pining and accidental boner-induced attraction reveals. I never see that outside fanfiction. 

[fatalism-and-villainy]

☠ ☆ for Mildmay :3

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

Oh man, it’s been so long since I read the books, so I’m not sure how much of an original extrapolation I can come up with. I think what stands out to me the most re: Mildmay’s anger is the bathhouse scene in Corambis - he’s not mad at Felix for coming on to him, but for making Mildmay hurt him. A lot of his anger, I think, is only adjacently about himself, and is generally filtered through concerns for those close to him instead. 

☆ - happy headcanon

He and Felix have cats!!! This is my firmly set post-canon headcanon. When they’re living at Grimglass, Mildmay just ends up getting foot-in-the-door roped into adopting multiple stray cats - i.e. first he offers them food, then they keep coming back so he has to keep feeding them, then he brings them inside, and eventually the cats are just kind of living with them. Mildmay names them all after legendary figures. (Felix rolls his eyes at it all at first but is secretly rather fond of the cats.)

(I brought up this idea awhile ago and @veliseraptor​ wrote a fic once that features it :3 )

[fatalism-and-villainy]

remember how Doctrine of Labyrinths actually did that “attraction reveal via accidental boner” thing, like Monette really went there

[fatalism-and-villainy]

That scene in The Mirador when Shannon gives Mehitabel flowers and she’s touched because she’s not used to men being nice to her and doing her favors without sexual motives relates so well to the scene in Corambis when Mildmay realizes that Felix isn’t used to people saying they love him outside of the context of sex. I just love how Monette subtly connects her different characters’ trauma and interpersonal malfunctions. 

[fatalism-and-villainy]

veliseraptor replied to your post: Doctrine of Labyrinths?

tell me more about the complicated?

I really, really love the sexual tension they have and all the messy ways it could be executed (namely, Mildmay’s need for Felix’s approval, Felix’s self-loathing, etc.), and I’m frequently a fan of codependent sibling incest ships. But given all the development their relationship goes through in Corambis, and the ways they come to trust and look after each other and heal the damage that Felix has done, I feel like introducing a sexual element at that point would just stir the pot further, because I don’t really a see a way for that kind of relationship between them to be healthy, and actively inhibit the positive growth they’ve both achieved.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Doctrine of Labyrinths?

favourite female character: Mehitabel! She’s always been a bit hard for me to figure out, even in her own narration, because of how compartmentalized her feelings are, but that’s part of why I like her. She’s very perceptive and she brought out so many fascinating things in each character.favourite male character: Felix, my favourite traumatized Disaster Gayleast favourite female character: Kolkhis :/least favourite male character: There are a few terrible men, but probably Thaddeus. What an assholefavourite ship: Felix/Mildmay, whoopsleast favourite ship: Also Felix/Mildmay. It’s complicated…film/tv show rating: 8.5/10 if only for the fact that Corambis felt weirdly detached from the rest of the series, and I just do not care about Kay. (Also some of the gender politics irritated me.) But I do love the series for the trauma exploration and messy characters and academic worldbuilding.