Sometimes nice guys shouldn't even enter the damn race.
Don't get me wrong, before I even start this rant, I understand the difficulty women have had with the following issues. I just struggle with these issues too often myself to not find it absurd. I actually decided to go out with co-workers from work tonight, for the first time since starting this new job. It was me, the boss, the assistant boss, this guy Cleveland, and two ladies; Tina and Marianna. So... We meet at this popular Providence pool hall. We were supposed to meet at 9:30pm. I get there at 9:45. Cleveland is there about 9:40. We're the only people from the group there so far. He buys me a sugar free red bull. He drinks... I don't know some horribad concoction of bacardi 151, cherry (cranberry maybe?) juice, and Tequila. Its on fire. So... He's telling me about how everyone probably hates him because he basically bailed to go to another store without saying proper goodbyes. That's just his way. He continues to talk for 30 minutes, and I couldn't tell you anything else he says past that. I don't know why, I just... The guy has a way of talking that sounds like Ben Stein to me. I lose interest quickly in everything he says. Finally, the boss comes in with the save! He asks me why I'm drinking a red bull, and orders me a beer without waiting for my response. I'm drinking a red bull because I make poor choices when drinking alcohol. I don't enjoy living with poor choices. One time I got drunk and I called some girl, and then like 2 weeks later she became my girlfriend for 5 years somehow. My mistakes are legendary. So... He drinks my beer for me. Cleveland seemed shocked by this revelation. For some reason, telling people you're sober gets the exact same reaction as you hate kittens and puppies. Being sober isn't like being a virgin. Pushing the opposition to your cause at you is never enticing either. So anyways, Cleveland says "Tina and Marianna are going to be fucked up when they get here.". To which my confused face must have been priceless. About 20 minutes later the ladies arrive along with the assistant boss. The ladies were dressed up, like... Club night dressed up. Cleveland is right though, they are also a little past buzzed already. So... We get a table and are playing pool and joking about work and telling funny stories. After 11pm, they start the music portion of the evening. I'm not a big dancer. I try, but my heart just really isn't into it. When it isn't my turn to shoot. I'm seated in this high chair waiting my turn. Marianna places her jacket over the arm of my chair and (kind of?) backs her ass up into me while she's dancing. Could've been incidental? No big deal. She's married, she has kids, this is a non-issue I told myself. So even though the music isn't terribly loud, she's talking in my ear about my affinity for the color blue, and how I'm always so "chill" and collected. I don't respond verbally, just kind of nod. Then I get up, sink 2 shots in a row (phenomenal because I suck at pool). When I sit back down, the group has now sort of huddled around my chair, which is against the same wall that their drinks are on. Marianna squeezes herself between my chair and this corner, still dancing... I think. I'm messaging my buddies from work that didn't make it and I swear she glides her ass from my knee inwards to my thigh. I immediately jump up and walk off to the opposite side of the pool table. Tina notices that I've abandoned my soda and haven't been coming back after taking my shots, and Marianna goes off to the bathroom. I trust Tina. She asks me if I'm alright, if someone said something wrong, notices I'm upset. I told her what I think happened. She seems a little shocked for second. She then says... "You be you dude. She's not herself tonight. Just try and keep some distance, I'll straighten this out. Don't hold it against her." Tina goes off to the bathroom too. I go back to my chair. We continue playing pool and the ladies come back in like 15 minutes. Marianna gets close just like before. She says in my ear "I didn't mean to offend you. I just didn't think you were having much fun. I wanted to make it fun for you. I'm sorry if I upset you." Why is that OK? First off, I truly don't think that was the real her grinding up on me. She's not that way at work. She's got a great heart. She's the last woman I'd think would ever behave that way. However, it still HAPPENED. You can't just be like "Yeah, things were going to get really inappropriate there...", when it was all you. Nonetheless, I was about to completely forgive her when she says "I thought that you liked me. Now, you don't like me at all... I'm so embarrassed." What the mindfuck is that??? I couldn't be more of a gentleman than I was. I decided, I'm not going to just sit by. I told her exactly what was on my mind. "That was inappropriate. I am upset because I lost a little respect for you during that. I don't think you are as aware of your actions as you think you are. I don't hate you. I still respect you. You don't have to rub your ass on me to make me pay you some attention." Oh boy was that the wrong response. She starts pounding drinks like an outlaw biker after that. During one of her trips to the bathroom, her and Tina must have had another discussion. Tina later says to me "I give you props. I mean not for making Marianna cry, but as a guy, to call any girl out on that. Not many guys would do that. Almost all the guys I know would be trying to take advantage. I'll be straight with you. We pregamed pretty hard, and we smoked after we left. I don't think she's ever smoked before. This isn't the real her. You know that. Thank you for being a real man and not taking advantage." So... The pool hall is closing, we're about to leave, and Tina says "Hot Club closes at 2am, quotesick you should come with us." Worst 7 minute car ride of my life. Marianna blows up about how Tina doesn't have sex problems, and how I'm in a committed relationship and how her husband would rather watch March Madness than touch her. Tina pulls over Marianna cries in her lap for a minute, then she's good. She apologizes again to me. She's trying to convince me she's stressed but not abused. So... Hot Club. Should've called it hot mess. Anyways. Marianna spends a lot of the time in the bathroom. Tina asks me one-on-one how it is I'm not interested at all, just because she saw things too, things she didn't think Marianna would say or do tonight. I told her about the dumb choices I made when I drank a lot. They were way worse and I wasn't myself during that time. She asked if I thought they were bad people because they drank and smoked some weed and I don't do that. No... Bad people lie, and start trouble, and cover that trouble with more lies. Although the night was awkward in some spots, it was a good time. I don't judge people on what they do, just how they treat me. Tina says, "Tomorrow, Marianna is going to respect the shit out of you. You did a good thing by her. They don't make dudes like you. You don't exist. You're like the knight in shining armor in fairy tales that us girls were raised on. I wish there were women like you." (Probably should've mentioned that Tina is a lesbian, by choice not by birth. She's had several bad experiences with men to convert her.) "I don't care what anyone thinks of you. I'm going to remember this forever. I've got your back from now on, no matter what. I know Marianna will too." The thing is as uplifting as this story should have been, I don't feel that way. I feel slightly betrayed. I have no analogy that fits the situation. I just wish that I didn't have to experience what I did. Fuck, I even feel like I did something to cause it. Like tomorrow, Marianna probably won't remember anything. Tina thinks I did something incredible. I have to live with that. I still feel awful for possibly making Marianna break down. I just kind of have to shrug and move on. I'm laying here typing, all stressed out, knowing my girlfriend will read this, worrying if she thinks I handled it right. Hoping she won't hate Marianna. Fearing she may no longer endorse me hanging out with anyone ever again. The worst part is, I understand the feels Marianna had. You want to be sexy. You want to feel wanted. Especially if you THINK you no longer are. Just... as a guy, it's TOTALLY inexcusable for US to behave in that manner, and apologies usually fall on deaf ears should I ever act that way. I'm no hero for saying no. I don't deserve any prizes for doing what I'm supposed to do. I just hope this was the right move all around, but I fear Saturday's retaliation. One way or another. Doing the wrong thing would've been so much easier for me to handle. I refuse to let anyone kick over my sandcastles anymore. Even if you think they're ugly, they're mine. I'm supposed to feel good about all my achievements. Every day above ground can be an amazing day. Yesterday will never get any better. Still... I dread tomorrow.
