#don't rb please

[ontologicalevil]

I'M LIVING HALF A LIFE

on being less-than

let me know what you think <3

[sebille]

a wip? a preview? who knows

[brown-recluse]

been on a kind of wild quest the past couple of days!

got a sponsored ad on instagram on saturday with some random vintage shop advertising this vest in the most ridiculous way ("vintage studded vest with lgbt ally pins!"). my gut instinct was like, i don't want them selling this off to some rando. the earliest pins date back to 1973! so i became the rando myself, i suppose, & bought the vest on some sort of Rescue Mission?

starting to put out feelers to see if i can figure out who this belonged to (and perhaps return it to someone in their leather lineage, if at all possible, or to maybe the leather archives or GLBT historical society if that leads to a dead end)

the dom i met yesterday is like 65 and has been in the scene for decades so i asked him if he had any ideas, and he was like "you should email gayle rubin" and i was like "oh eek, like just cold email THE gayle rubin???"

meanwhile, i emailed susan like "hey! found this vest! trying to learn more about it! any ideas?" and INCLUDED the line, "This dom I met w/ yesterday for wholly let's say non-academic purposes was like "try emailing Gayle Rubin" which I thought was very funny & somewhat intimidating, having never engaged with her outside of like, originally reading her work in college 15 years ago, & then reading some more of her other writing more recently, but he was like "no she's nice and she'll like seeing the pictures!""

susan PROMPTLY lmaooooo lmao lmao lmao forwarded my email to gayle LOL LOL LOL like, without catching that line i guess, and was like, "this seems up your alley!!"

Gayle to her credit responded almost immediately with some info & like "i'll have to look at my collections, more soon" etc etc, gracefully ignoring that passage l m f a o

and THEN susan sends me an email like "Yikes! I didn’t read your whole email, just saw what it was about and thought “Gayle” and forwarded it. [...] I’m so sorry to have violated confidentiality. If it’s any consolation I’m sure endeared you to Gayle who is indeed the most menschiest of mensches ever and the sweetest perv you’ll ever meet."

which. everything about all of this is hilarious to me

but also i really hope i'm able to figure out who this belonged to!

the biggest mystery is that there's nothing online about the Centurian Motorcycle Club SF, at all. One lone eBay seller with a couple of pins. Nothing in the GLBT Historical Society finding aids, nothing in the Leather Archives & Museum catalog, nothing in the ONE Archives catalog. Mysterious!

The other interesting thing is that while the vest itself says Centurian MC SF, a solid 80% of the pins or more are related to gay biker groups + leather bars in LA rather than SF. So i guess this person split their time between the two?

we'll see.

[wormwoodandhoney]

tearful grief thoughts under the cut.

i have this thing where i want time to slow down, because it means he was just here. i relate to all things as, "he was still alive then". at the beginning of 2023, he was still alive. and now it's 2024. and time keeps going on but he was just here. i keep wanting to tell people, "but he was just here! he was just here!" i'm dreading the anniversary of his death. there will be no more firsts without him. it'll just be... what it is. not sure if any of this makes sense, but i needed some of these feelings out of my heart.

i thought christmas would be the hard holiday, but it's new years. i just don't like beginning things without him.

[synthetic-witch]

Kinda feelin nice today

[dearorpheus]

11/01—national museum, 2023 reading list, familiar, haircut

[cyborgbuddy]

thoughts

i’m seeing what i think is a concerning lack of understanding / nuance regarding a lot of online trans communities and public displays of sexuality, horniness, etc.

i think there’s nothing wrong with being a sex freak (well mostly) whether you’re trans or not and i get that a lot of trans people are t4t and i understand, where else are you really supposed to express this stuff

i also understand that this climate right now is one where people want to label trans people as freaks regardless of what any individual trans person actually thinks. and so it makes sense that, if you are someone who is a trans horny sex freak, and you see any criticism of that, your first reaction would be - and again i’m not really gonna fault people for this - suspicion, eyebrow raising, etc

with that out of the way

i really really do think a lot of people on here and in other similar trans communities should think hard about their own trans identity and do their best to divorce that from their horniness. of course there’s going to be some effects one has on the other but i just don’t really see many people think about it critically or maturely and from what i can tell it’s the primary way a lot of trans people on here identify with their own transness. from being on here a long time i really do get the impression that just about the only interaction a lot of tgirls have on here with other tgirls is talking about tgirl dick

i think deep down you’re trans for reasons that go beyond that...you don’t have to have good reasons or any reasons at all. maybe you can’t articulate the reasons, that’s cool. awesome t4t sex can be a reason. i’m just saying if it’s your whole identity, all you talk about on here, i think it would do you a lot of good to step back and branch out for a second, think about why that’s the case

feel free to lmk what you think btw, i’m not calling anyone out, hell i have plenty of mutuals that would probably describe themselves this way. i’m not trying to be a hater at all, i’m making this post out of worry and love, not anger. i want to see every trans person flourish and be the best trans person they can be

[sopht-tums]

redd gets bigger every time i draw them and i'm not proud of it 😭😭