Untitled

sigh, it’s me again. sloka 30s/m/usa

[elliespectacular]

wanna hang out [remembers it's rude to put expectations on people] it's cool if not [remembers people like to know they're wanted] but I'd really like it if you did [remembers selfishness is bad] we can do whatever you want though [remembers that handing someone a blank canvas isn't as effective as providing a suggestion to bounce ideas off of] like sucking each others fingers for example

[brown-recluse]

nothing pictured here has an sti transmission risk though…?

anyway

the party last night was good, actually!

egg on my face yet again for being so nervous beforehand

[brown-recluse]

bought a ticket to a bdsm party & regretting it immensely, heading over now

my daddy will not be there and has told me that i am to introduce myself to at least five people and the instructions help but wow i still hate this!

consider one’s comfort zone is comfy for a reason, who needs to be social

[brown-recluse]

fascinating how often AI uses the word “unapologetic”? like i feel like at this point that’s almost the clearest flag to me, altho i guess humans also use that word

the mountain of things being described as unapologetic. bold, even.

hm!

[brown-recluse]

i find beards* so unpleasant from both an aesthetic and sensory standpoint which is so unfortunate given. you know. the overall look that “male bdsm enthusiasts over 50” i.e. my target demographic tend to have.

the sensory piece i guess primarily relates to kissing (my face skin is sensitive!) but it also just feels like. Unclean? In an unnerving way?

this is a ridiculous thing to feel as someone who habitually sticks his whole hand inside someone’s asshole

but it’s just such a visceral “ew” response! hrm.

* some scruff is fine! “long enough to run your fingers through” is … Too Much

[brown-recluse]

Important Tumblr Poll ‼️

Can u orgasm without genital or anal stimulation?

Yes

No

Secret third option

Remaining time: 2 days 19 hours

[brown-recluse]

heehee oh my daddy is BACK

his teaching and summer travel are mostly over and tonight he came over and did beautiful spanking/paddling + some light caning (my first time) things to me >:)

it’s so much fun to cum from like repetitive buzzy pain stuff! + it does something v satisfying for my body? i fiiinally feel like, loosened up?, after months i think. i guess maybe it’s like getting a massage? (i have never gotten a massage)

[brown-recluse]

bought a couple of artworks that i am now feeling ambivalent about; simultaneously regretting that i didn’t buy a piece last year that has since sold to someone else

trying to buy stuff for my walls sucks lol, how do people do this!

[brown-recluse]

i feel like whenever someone meets my daddy they’re like “he’s handsome!” which is nice because he is, but also very funny because of the undertone of like surprise

i am not offended! he is so handsome :)

believe you me, i, too, am surprised at this situation lol

went to AIDS Walk for work, and he came along; at one point a couple of the board members there were like “is that ur boyfriend” and i was like “uhhhh” and my boss* was like “yes” and i really ought to figure out a default response in that situation i guess

i am sure his husband would be Significantly Displeased if i were going around calling him my boyfriend/partner but also oy. getting a read on how people will react to “no, he’s my Daddy” is just not always easy, but on the third hand what I’m not gonna do is pretend he’s just a friend

maybe i do just get bolder about that interjection and not worry about the awkward follow-ups

* my boss has met him before; i have referred to him as my daddy in passing with him; he has both a husband and a boyfriend and just orchestrated a fundraiser for us at a leather bar lmao so. he’s fine

[brown-recluse]

i have always seen a black hanky described (online) as “heavy sm” but I have no frame of reference for what counts as heavy vs light

AFAIK there is no way to flag “sm of unspecified intensity”?

hrm okay I’m googling and it seems maybe that is also black

the other common ones are so straightforward? fisting, piss, piercing, bondage, anything goes, daddy/boy, oral, fucking, scat i suppose although i can’t say i’ve ever actually seen anyone flag it

—

bought a ticket to a bdsm party next saturday but my daddy won’t be here so idk what my vision is. will likely: stress myself out a bunch, go be a wallflower, come home and feel stupid for not talking to anyone

—

feeling a bit … whatever @ this relationship, will bring it up to him in a bit but i feel like for ages i’ve been like: “i would very much like to do higher intensity things than we’ve been doing / to stretch our limits more” and every time i say that he’ll say he wants the same thing but then in practice it never happens. i think i need him to either be like “no ur right, I’m mostly a warm & fuzzy daddy who likes a bit of flogging & bondage now and then” (in which case, i need to more seriously work on finding additional partners, i suppose, to try and experience the things i’d like to experience) OR for him to actually do the thing, but as it stands the inconsistency of it all is starting to grate!

also feeling annoyed at how glued to his phone he is these days. even when we’re hanging out? strikes me as rude tbh!

but we also just haven’t had much time together lately bc he’s been like out of town every weekend + teaching a summer program two days a week + i was in india for a bit etc etc. he is visiting his straight cousin in the north bay Yet Again both this weekend and next but maybe things will sort themselves out after that

i did go and see his students’ showcases yesterday & the day before. weird experiences.

important note is that this theater is out in a fairly ritzy suburb and not in san francisco or oakland

one day was their show (they did Our Town) and the other was a showcase of like little scenes, monologues, etc

still trying to decide what I think about Our Town as a play. i was okay with it during the first act - thought some of the conventions it set up were fun - but by the third felt like it had gotten a bit preachy and gone off the rails (ok girl we get it, u want us to ~appreciate life~). but it got under my skin enough that maybe there’s something useful there? (like, sometimes being annoyed by something is a good thing, in my experience - is this the productive type of annoyance? what is it that i’m bristling at, is the question)

anyway, between that and the scene showcase …

ok so for the younger kids in the showcase (12-13ish) they had them do a little intro exercise where they were like “my hero is XXX, my goals are XXX” etc

the NUMBER of kids who said “my parents/family are my hero”???? what the actual fuck lmfao

for the older kids in the showcase (16-17ish) they did a docutheater exercise where they interviewed people in their lives and stitched their responses into interconnected monologues, questions were very apolitical lol, what do you think happens when we die, who’s someone who has influenced you, what do you want your legacy to be, what does art mean to you

once again. the number of kids who interviewed/performed their parents, and the number of interview subjects who talked about how their parents influenced/inspired them…

all of that combined with our town just felt like such a twilight zone experience?

WHO are all these teenagers who are like “yeah i really get along with and appreciate my parents” lmfao? how is that not anathema to the core teenage experience

oh i guess the our town connection i’m making is the like teenage characters in that play also just being so. completely chill with their parents/families? and so just unbothered by existing within the status quo constraints of their lives. “No I’d rather stay in the middle of fucking nowhere than get out to go to college actually”

like just genuinely felt very surreal

and my daddy re: the students was like. well, it’s wealthy suburbia. but like. that is All The More Reason to hate your life and want to get out and like bristle at the expectations of normalcy placed upon you?????

are there contexts in which this is standard because i truly thought feeling put upon by one’s parents (well i mean: by the actual, exhausting power adults wield over your life as a young person!) and Itching To Get The Fuck Away (if not leaving your hometown geographically, at least age-wise, being hungry to have adult autonomy) was like a cross-class / cross-geographic American Teenage Experience

And Yet

hrm

[sunshinemoonrx]

HUH?

Most cop thing I've ever read. what the fuck are you talking about. The posts you're looking for might be on this website but we won't show them to you???

[sunshinemoonrx]

I'm sure all my settings are set to "yes show me mature content no don't filter anything" what are you TALKING ABOUT

[sunshinemoonrx]

the posts are ON THE WEBSITE. I can't search dirty words?? am I five??? is this club penguin??? when I get you

[noticesghosts]

What the hell

[noticesghosts]

What is going on

[brown-recluse]

people on the apps who say they’re into “kink” but don’t specify like. what does that even mean. could be anything in the world?

[brown-recluse]

event was fine 👍🏽 wore the leather 👍🏽 one person said they liked my vest 👍🏽 slung jello shots with my boss lol 👍🏽

survived! and kinda liked it? so much anxiety for no reason smdh

[brown-recluse]

baby’s first Leather Garment

kinda bought it for a work event which is extremely funny to me

(fundraiser at a leather bar tonight. i’m gonna be slinging jello shots? literally my first time at a nighttime bar event since before covid. i don’t like bars i don’t think!)

the collar and vest might be too matchy-matchy but it is what it is

i’m so paranoid that everyone will declare me a poseur but. probably they will not care that much

[brown-recluse]

scott wiener working the national news circuit after getting shouted out of trans march w his beleaguered “poor me” face paired with every article :/

girl Every Politician gets shouted out of trans march, that is the trans march vibe, you emphatically Know This

[brown-recluse]

oh god sooo not interested in the gay v queer framework popping back up

[brown-recluse]

had a sex dream that i was sucking my Daddy off & my boss was watching, unfortunately it was v hot, why is my subconscious so predictable