Not to like blab but I was a pastor's kid (female pastor too which is kind of rare) at a smaller of an international megachurch. Anyway when I was 12 for certain reasons, but obviously when you live with a retired pastor and a church musician (my dad) you don't really leave the church. I think my sister got more of the trauma tbh, she had a lot of expectations placed on her to be a representation of the institution of family and how it plays a role in perpetuating the institution of the Christian church, whereas I was still young enough for it to go over my head. But there were a lot of issues going on in our family back then.
Anyway I think I've been deconstructing christianity since I was really young, but as I get older my scope of understanding grows too. It's deeply engrained in my childhood development, and even my cultural development because it was the one place I was surrounded by Filipino people and culture (which created a rather unfair correlation between enforcement of Christian morality and Filipino people, which took a really long time to work through). I'm still fascinated with the bible, and how to take these parables that don't really involve characters' emotions and thoughts and feeling, and humanizing them, I'm fascinated by the differences between Catholic guilt (which stems from a penance based religious practice i.e. I can pay for my sins so my sins are my fault, and it's gods graces which are inherent in humanity, they're a given), and evangelical lack and longing (sin is inherent in humanity, you're a sinner, you're awful, you're scum, and to be Christian is to reach for the unachievable light of emulating Christ. Try to be like him and you'll be saved), two denominations under the umbrella of Christianity with two opposing worldviews.
DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE DIFFERENCE IN THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING BORN INTO CHRISTIANITY VERSUS FINDING IT LATER IN LIFE. I COULD GO FOREVER
Sorry you just awakened one of my favourite things to talk about. I'd love to hear more about your journey with it!
-Donnie
this was crazy… and the difference between catholic guilt and evangelical lack and longing??? give me more???? don’t ever be afraid to blab especially abt this!
my journey was… a lot. a lot of it is very personal to me so i don’t rlly talk abt it but it’s a combination of my grandfather and uncle both dying in situations that were a hair away from them still being alive and having to hear people say “god kept me alive” every sunday at church and all the time at home. also the shared experience most deconstructers have of “so queer people r gonna burn but murderers have a chance at heaven? oh okay.”
but i remember being as young as 7 and wondering why god just doesn’t fix everything. why won’t he fix it? that question rung through my head for years until quarantine happened and i finally broke down.
