#dont overthink

[matth-official]

HOLY FUCK

Ok ignore that last ask he said yes

HE SAID YES

Wtf why did he say yes

Wait

Maybe

Maybe he thinks

We’re doing it as friends

Matt what if he thinks it’s only as friends

What if that’s the only reason he said yes

I mean he still said yes but that means he doesn’t think of me that way so

Ig

I might as well give up ig

- @lance-mcclain-offical

Then reiterate to him, tell him you want to go as more than just friends. He won't know what you want if you don't communicate that, Lance. He likes you, tell him you like him. In that way. You've got this, bud. You just have to do it.

[whiteingale]

I've been thinking about it. Ever since the conflict started, there was conscription of mostly people from poverty-driven areas which I find disgusting and sick. And when I looked into it, I listened to video and noted that there is a huge difference in treatment of caucasian whites and asiatic minority in our world. The more I thought about it, the more I got sad. I mean asians are truly treated like shit in Russia, maybe it is 1000 year old mongolian karma? But it's funny how western society puts morality to appearance. Elderly people have pensions and its not so bad and yet it made me think that certain traits will be treated as objective good even when it's not. That's why I said I want to be a warlord and build the mosque or whatever way help the minorities, who the hell can feel good helping such hypocrites?

The irony here is no matter what I do there will be someone who will eat me. Perfect meritocracy doesn't exist in the world, I really want to support other people despite their skin color. Humans exist to consume, maybe no matter how I help humans will still be the same. It's like handing over the burden of guilt, yet I know there is also beauty in the world that likes of which no one has observed so far. I want it. I'd like to see it as well. I can guess what it is and sense the path which will take me to it. The beauty isn't something anyone can just touch or use up.

The beauty to me is evil that fails to get its way. Even though I am lazy guy I don't want evil to succeed and want to see it topple under the rain, I want to see it cry.

[kisstheghostt]

[animatedtext]

[indwelling-sanctum]

[meryalfaz]

Alot of things broke my heart but fixed my vision.

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

Still conflicted... And exhausted.

I don't even really know what to feel anymore... One second things are going great, then back to being 🤔 then good again. I guess things have been so inconsistent that I'm even afraid to have too much hope and expectations. And now that things are seemingly going good, I'm just waiting for it to fall apart.

And that's just fucking awful... It's like back to those days where I was afraid to actually be happy because I knew it wouldn't last and something would ruin it.

I wanna have hope. I wanna trust him, I wanna trust us. I wanna trust myself. That I'm good enough. That there's this possibility that this guy might feel the same as I feel for him. Just maybe.

I'm not entirely sure what's happening now or where it's going. Feels like he's putting in a little more effort...

Oof and reading my old posts really makes me laugh. Just tryna read back what kinda gems and advice I'd given myself, knowing I'd still be this dumb in the future.

I did know that I would be back in this cycle. I knew that I would end up conflicted again with his return.

Sigh.

But I still can't find it in me to let it go. Not completely. Despite it all, I still enjoy talking to him, and I would love to see him again. And right now, I've been trying to learn and grow from previously, and just enjoy the moment as it's there. Enjoy that he's around and trying to keep up the convo more, appreciate that I get to listen to his voice and his laugh again. Just the little things.

I'm not sure how long this would last, or where it's going, or what will eventually happen, or if anything will even happen... And I hope that I would just stop overthinking it all and be afraid of whatever that may or may not happen. Just live in the moment and enjoy whatever it is.

Besides, I've got other stuff to stress about. Ufgh, already not looking forward to work. Actually probably should be still sending out emails right now (yes despite it being 10pm). But y'know what. Work-life balance. i need a break. Before I lose it again.

There's actually way more stuff that I wanna write about, especially keeping so much of them bottled up for a bit. I've been talking to friends but also wary about revealing too much. So yeah... I don't even know.

Well, hope everyone has a good week ahead.

X

[xidkwtsx]

“You got to live your life sometimes and don’t overthink every step you take”

-idkwts