Hiya fuckers. I've been thinking again. Only a little smoke, small fire. No worries, I put it out quickly. I'm fiiiine.
I've been specifically thinking about dating (it fucking sucks, I know). There seem to be no rules for that game these days. It's all ghosting, stage 5 clinging and just friends. How do you play a game with no fucking rules?!? Well, I have devised a set of rules for dating. I shall share them with you...
1. Do not, I repeat do not snoop through their shit. This includes phones, diaries, or anything else that is their private property. If I have to explain this in any more detail to you, you shouldn't be in the dating pool. Try again after you've worked your shit out.
2. Time apart is god damn glorious. Yeah yeah, I know you love the sparkle in her eyes and the way he smells really trips your trigger. That shit fades, friend. Don't put your friends to the wayside and make this new person you barely know your priority 100% of the time. That new car smell wears off, and eventually it smells like farts after Mexican food.
3. Save those loaded three words. Unless those three words are "suck my dick", let those flow freely. Get your freak on. Save the scary words for when you really fucking mean them. Don't be that person that takes those words back. Everyone hates that fuckbag. Kay?
4. Just the tip. You have to let people in a little. Especially if you hope that one day this person will love you or some shit. How do you expect them to do that if you've hid all your best parts behind some bullshit wall? I'm not saying bare your entire twisted mixed up soul on day one, calm your tits. And for fucks sake, don't share your bank account info.
5. Let go and go with the flow. You can't plan life. It does what it pleases, she's a selfish bitch in that way. Maybe the person you're seeing now might end up being your zombie apocalypse partner with matching Motörhead shirts (just my goal? Okay. Cool. Don't fucking judge me.). Maybe they will end up being an awkward run in ten years from now. Only time will tell. Just enjoy it and see what happens...
Those are my rules. Use them how you wish. Or don't. It's whatever. If they get you laid, I'd love to know. If they don't, sorry. I was built to disappoint. It's my thing. (Insert two eyed wink here)
