First things first
It was a time before my first name had matured enough to warrant all six of its letters. I was Andy, at least to the girls around me and she, well she was more than I deserved.
I remember the first time I saw her. She was smiling, always smiling. Her smile had the ability to convince you that everything you hated about yourself were lies. She was clutching her books in both arms and had wrapped herself in her navy crewneck.
She was quiet and I was shy. It was meant to never be. But it did.
I spent a year watching her from afar, in the least creepy non-stalker way possible and really afar wasn't that afar. We were in a class of 18 students.
Aol Instant Messenger was the best way to go about talking to girls. Do people still use that? I guess I should ask some of my high schoolers, but I'm digressing.
We would talk (err...type) for hours and hours. I was so scared. I'd never approached a girl about my feelings before and had no idea what to do except for what I had seen on television or the movies.
I think I asked her if she would go out with me and she said yes, and then I got scared and told her that I was just kidding. She was hurt and I was a giant douchebag that toyed with the emotions of an innocent girl.
Eventually, our middle school banquet came up. We didn't have dances because Jesus doesn't believe in them. Just kidding. About Jesus not liking dances, not about not having dances.
She was the obvious choice. Again, I asked her while IM-ing. She said yes and I danced around the classroom. That's right, I used a school computer while she was at home.
My dad drove us to the restaurant the banquet was at. I bought her a rose, because even back then I was a G. And we were dating.
Thinking about those times I can't help but smile. It was good in a totally innocent we must've been super cute kind of way. Actually she was super cute. I was me. Awkward 7th grade Andrew (Andy to her).
We "dated" for almost two years before I finally broke up with her during our sophomore year of high school? Freshman year? I can't remember now.
I was giant jerk and broke up with one of the nicest, warmest, kindest girls I had ever met. She cried. I felt like crying, but held it in.
So, why have I shared all of this? I don't know. It's 3 am. But mostly because of what happened to us in college.
Fast forward through high school. She had a couple boyfriends. I had a girlfriend. Both our relationships ended and we were sad together during our first year in college.
Eventually we both meet someone and we're happy and friends.
That was a lot of background, but if you still care here's where my point actually comes across. I know, it's not proper construction, but I don't care. I'm on summer break.
I'm in the middle of closing up another shift at Best Buy when my phone begins to vibrate. I look down and there's her name across the screen. I wonder what she could be calling me about. It wasn't like her to call. Not since she had found her new boyfriend.
I put my phone back in my pocket saying that once my shift was over I needed to call her back.
A few minutes later I'm in the parking lot getting ready to finally go home. It's been a long day at work. My pants begin to vibrate again and again I see her name.
"Andy?"
"Hey. What's up?"
She tells me she's worried. Something has happened and her voice starts to shake. I'm scared. She keeps rambling on about mistakes and having to live with them and not knowing what to do.
She asks me if I could still love her even if she had done something bad. I reassure her that she could never do anything that would make me look at her differently. She continues to dance around the subject.
"How are you?"
"Is everything okay?"
"I'm fine. I just want to know how you are."
"Listen. I love you and nothing you do will ever change that. You know that, right?"
She starts crying. Things begin to become clearer. Everything is falling into place. I know what's coming next, but I'm not sure how to handle it. I say a little prayer.
Give me wisdom, love, and compassion. Use me to speak to her. Empty me LORD. Fill me with your words for her. I've got nothing.
She asks if I know what's coming. I need to make her feel okay. I lie.
"I'm just really confused as to why you're so upset?"
"Andy, you're smart. I know you've figured it out already."
"Tell me then. Just tell me what's going."
She cries more and then finally she says it.
"I'm pregnant."
It was like a sword went through my heart. All of a sudden the little innocent girl that I had dated so long ago had to become a woman. My first love was going to be a mom.
"It's going to be okay."
"I'm scared."
"I know."
I stay on the line as she cries more. Something says not to go. Don't run, Andy. Don't run.
She is able to compose herself a little more and we begin talking about next steps. He's going to be around. She's not going to be alone. I will be there.
As the conversation winds to a close I remind her.
"I love you."
"You sure?"
"Always."
She thanks me for being there and reassures me that though I might not feel like it, the conversation meant a lot. I close my phone and slump to the bumper of my car.
What just happened?
Nine months later she's officially a mom to a baby boy. He's healthy and cute. She's a mom.
I had always thought that she would eventually make a fantastic mother, and here she was doing it. He's big now.
Her and the daddy are engaged. Beautiful ending.
She did all that and still graduated before me because she was always good at school and smarter than me. No matter what she tells other people.
For a split second as a young college student I was shown what it really meant to love like Jesus, to see someone as He sees them. I still can't believe she's done all that she has.
She's kind of become my secret hero. My affirmation to keep going forward.
Although life has taken us down different roads with different destinations with different people. She will always be...
My first date. My first kiss. My first love.
Love, Andy