Wishful Thinking
I really thought you’d grab my hand and tell me that everything would be okay. I assumed that I would be able to tell you what I was thinking without you being angry... You were angry and you didn’t tell me why. You were ignoring me and pushing me away with no explanation. Now a video game is more important than what I was/am feeling. This wishful thinking has gotten me into so much trouble. I thought you loved me, that you supported me and that you were going to be there for me. Now I’m still suffering in silence and regretting ever telling you anything. The only wishful thinking I have now is wishing that i had never told you anything. That i would have just jumped from the balcony instead. Killing myself would have been less pain for me in the long run. I really wish I were dead .. maybe you’d miss me then. Maybe you’ll realize that you should have grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes and said “Baby, we’ll get through this together.” But I’m alone .. tired.. ready to go.. I’m done.
I was feeling this way in 2018, from August-January 2019. I had told my boyfriend what I was feeling and he made me feel worse. He made me feel like crap for coming to him. I stayed and I plan on staying because he is trying now ... but now I don’t plan on going to him for anything. But the other day I decided to lift myself up because no one can do it except me. I’ll work on me. I’ll be happy and I’ll look & feel amazing. I love me.
