Diary of a Doorwoman - She had to be a fatty, didn't she!?
“Female security to the Blue Room toilets, code amber!”
The voice crackled through my earpiece, sounding a little panicked. I turned to Tyson and rolled my eyes.
“Already?!” I exclaimed. He shrugged his shoulders and laughed, “Looks like it’s gonna be one of those nights tonight!”
“En route”, I responded to my radio while setting off at a jog towards the toilets. I knew exactly what I would find there. Some young woman passed out on a toilet after taking too much MDMA. I didn’t really feel like sitting in the medical room all night tonight babysitting these idiots. ‘It’s not my fault they can’t handle their drugs’, I thought, before reprimanding and reminding myself that this is what I was paid to do. I usually don’t mind accompanying the medic to the medical room when he has a female patient; when I’m tired it’s a great break from running around all over the club looking for trouble makers and dealing with violent situations, but today I was bursting with energy and really didn’t want to be confined to the Med Room.
I reached the entrance to the toilets and paused, praying for a fight to be going on inside. At least I’d get a bit of action. I’m not a violent person but breaking up fights at work really gets my adrenaline going, and with all the stuff going on at home I really needed to let out some aggression. Controlled aggression, mind. There are still rules and regulations to abide by regardless of how I feel inside. I know that’s what makes me a good bouncer though. Personal control!
I opened the door and let out a sigh of disappointment as I locked eyes with Joseph, our on-site paramedic. He was standing next to the toilet attendant who had called me, both of them looking very much bemused, instilling a feeling of dread deep in my stomach. ‘This is gonna be funny for everyone except me’ I growled to myself.
‘Alright Zaki!! Let’s get her to the Med Room”, Joe nudged me with a gleeful smile on his face, happy to have something to do. I pushed open the door to the cubicle to find an unconscious young woman with her clothes half off and her belongings strewn all over the floor.
‘For fuck’s sake, she had to be a fat one didn’t she!!” I snapped, rolling my eyes at him. “She’s gonna be difficult to carry.”. A girl like this would be difficult to lift if she was conscious, but when people lose consciousness they become a dead weight. “Oh well, come on Joe, let’s do this!”
I squeezed myself into the cubicle and tried to position myself in a way that I would be able to lift her.
“Fix her clothes first babe, can’t have her bits all out for everyone to see!”
‘Relax J, I know!”, annoyed that these women felt the need to get themselves into such a state. Don’t get me wrong I love to have a good night out, but I’ve always been a firm believer in ‘Say No To Drugs’ . I would never get myself into such a ridiculous predicament.
I looked over and caught him giggling at me. “I know exactly what you’re thinking, you judgmental bitch!”
I laughed. “I know, I know, you know me too well,” chuckling, “I can’t help it though, I just don’t get this obsession with drugs.”
I finished fixing her clothes, protecting her modesty, although I really doubt she cared. I braced myself and tried to lift her. “GOD DAMN IT!! Joe, grab her legs please, let’s get her out of the cubicle first then I’ll lift her properly, there’s no way I can do it from in here.”
A struggle ensued, but once we had her out of the cubicle I took a few deep breaths and mustered all my strength, lifting her like a sack of potatoes and throwing her over my shoulder. Joseph grabbed her things and charged ahead of me, opening doors and barking at people to clear a path. I could see the looks of shock on the faces of the customers and the laughing faces of the staff members who were all used to seeing me in action and thought it was hilarious every time I had to deal with something like this. No matter how many times they saw this they still seemed unable to believe how strong I was and always had a barrage of comments for me as I rushed through the crowds to get the latest patient to the Med Room.
I could feel a bead of sweat making its way down my nose and paused to muster up my last bit of strength to make it the final few steps to the medical room, which was really just a disabled toilet with a bed in it. Dumping her on the bed, I breathed a sigh of relief and wiped my brow, stepping back to allow the medic to get to work.
“Hello? Hello? Darling, wake up!” Joe began applying pressure to the pressure point in the girl’s shoulder, trying to get her to regain consciousness. “Pass me the water spray please Zaks”, he said to me.
He began spraying water vapour over the girl, attempting to cool down her burning skin. She twitched, responding to the coolness of the water. “Always a good sign”, I commented. Any outside looking in on us might assume that we were heartless, cold people, but the calmness that we were displaying was only down to years of experience and seeing countless ravers in this exact state. I recalled the first few times I had found myself in this situation, the panic that took over me and the feelings of fear and anxiety that somebody was about to die in front of me. Now I just took it in my stride, as I knew that within the next couple of hours this girl would be walking out the club entrance as if nothing had happened to her, and would be out partying the next weekend taking the same drugs without having learned anything from this situation. Seeing this happen over and over again had hardened me. I no longer felt any sympathy towards them. They brought this on themselves.
I sat back and observed as he continued to attempt to wake the girl, eventually managing to get her to open her eyes and respond to him. The noises that were escaping this young lady’s mouth were nothing more than grunts, but at this stage any response was better than none.
“Do you remember who she came in with by any chance?” Joe questioned me, obviously sceptic.
“Are you serious, J?? Do you know how many people are in here tonight, it’s packed out!!”
“I know, I know, it was a long shot but i thought I’d ask! Would be good if we could find her friends”.
I let out a long sigh and leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes in exasperation at the situation at hand. We already had nine hundred people in the venue and it was only 2am, and I knew for a fact there was a huge queue outside too. On top of that, her friends were probably off their faces just like her, too busy enjoying their high to notice that one of their group was missing. All we could do was hope that one of them would come looking for her and have enough common sense to ask security if they had seen her. Wishful thinking. Common sense was not at all common with the kind of clientele we had here.
As the girl began coming out of her stupor, Joe set about the prodigious task of trying to find out her name. Such a simple question, but to these people you may as well be speaking Chinese. After getting nothing but random noises in response, he stopped asking her name and just began rambling on at her about nonsense, trying to keep her focused and awake. I just sat there in silence praying that she was going to be an easy patient, because I really didn’t feel like rolling around on the floor grappling with this one. Unfortunately this wasn’t that uncommon; one minute she could be sitting there barely conscious and making fathomless noises, and the next she could be rolling around on the floor, throwing her arms and legs about, screaming, ripping her clothes off and frothing at the mouth. I’d been punched in the face enough times by flying limbs. ‘PLEASE, don’t be one of those’, I prayed silently.
“Zaki, Zaki, come in.” I heard the voice crackling through my earpiece.
“Can you come to the smoking area please, code green”
“I’m in the medical room at the moment, Ty, I can’t sorry.”
“Yeah I’ve got another one for the medic here, you need to come and get her.”
I looked at Joe. “I don’t even want to know!” He sounded resigned. The medical room only had space for one patient. “We’re gonna have to move them into the Luxe Room, it’s not opening tonight anyway. Go get the other one.”
I pressed the button on my radio. “En route, Ty”.
As I made my way through the crowds towards the smoking area, I observed the faces of the customers around me. After eight years of being a doorwoman, I still found it difficult to hide my disgust at the state these people found themselves in. Still found it incomprehensible why they would want to put all this crap in their system that made them look like they were chewing their own jaws off. It still grossed me out. ‘Each to their own’, I reminded myself. Since I had begun working on the doors I found myself having conversations with myself more and more often. Apart from the other staff, I was the only one that made any sense. I laughed at my own thoughts. ‘Maybe I’m the crazy one’ , giggling out loud.
“What you laughing at, you nutter?” Ty grabbed me and engulfed me in a massive bear hug.
“Never you mind! Where is she?”
I peered around him to see a tiny blonde girl completely out of it. Her pupils were so dilated that she looked almost alien.
“At least this one’s small”, I laughed, “Did you see the other one? Bloody hell, I think she broke my back”.
Ty laughed at me and gave me another quick hug before leaving me to deal with the new situation.
I escorted the girl to the Luxe Room, taking care to hold her up as she wobbled along. Expecting to find Joe sitting with the first patient, I was shocked at the sight of what was going on on the other side of the door.
“Zaki get over here NOW!” He screamed at me.
He was on the floor trying his utmost to hold down the girl, whose arms and legs were flailing about like flags in the wind. I put the second girl down on one of the sofas and ran over, positioning myself over the girl to try and contain her. The noises escaping her were unearthly, and a sense of unease quickly overcame me. I hated these situations.
After suffering numerous punches to the face and being kicked a million times, I finally managed to position myself behind her, wrapping my arms and legs around her to get her under control.
My energy levels were low. Twenty minutes of trying to restrain someone on drugs really does take it out of you. Eventually she calmed down and started responding to Joe as he talked to her, finally forming words rather than simply emitting animalistic grunts. The confusion on her face was obvious; she had absolutely no idea what had just happened to her.
As she sobered up she began talking to us with a lot more clarity, enabling us to find out more about her. Her name was Erica. She was a final year medical student specializing in paediatrics at a prestigious London university. This information hit me like a brick to the face.
How can somebody so educated allow themselves to fall into this predicament? How can somebody who studies health and the human body take drugs that can be so unpredictable and deadly? How can somebody who puts themselves in this kind of situation be allowed to care for children? The questions running through my mind were endless. One thing dawned on me. I had always believed that drug use was linked to lack of education and social class, but here was proof that I had been wrong all along.
“CODE RED, SMOKING AREA!” The panicked voice came screaming over the radio.
“Here we go again”, I said, with a sigh of dismay, jumping up and setting off at a sprint.