One of my HCs is that Dorian, before the two start dating, likes to stick flowers in Serafinn's hair when he's out in the courtyard. He's usually talking to someone, so he's distracted. Then he gets back to his chambers and realizes his hair is just filled with elfroot seedlings and tiny flowers. He knows who's responsible and decides to keep the plants, pressing them in the pages of his notebook (mostly on the pages related to Dorian). His notebook is nearly filled by the time they get to Skyhold. When he and Dorian start dating, he lets Dorian skim through some of it, kind of forgetting about the pressed plants, which occasionally fall out. Dorian is so surprised and flattered that Serafinn would keep that kind of stuff, but also realizes how full this notebook is.
(Since Inquisition takes place over a year, NiHnet pointed out that at some point they probably celebrate the Inquisitor’s birthday)
Dorian would get Serafinn a new notebook for his birthday. Serafinn had been meaning to just make himself a new one, and didn’t want to bother Josie to import something that seemed so trivial. He was also spending money to rebuild skyhold and keep things in working order, so a notebook felt like a waste. But he loves the new one. And Dorian even wrote a little love note at the end to give it that personal touch. He also pressed a couple flowers in some of the pages.
(Note: I’m still getting the hang of writing things so...It’s not perfect or anything. It’s really just self-indulgent stuff. Dorian/Serafinn fluff...angst. Enjoy~)
--
Serafinn had been sitting in his chambers for most of the day, catching up on reports that needed his attention and generally avoiding the rest of Skyhold. The last week had been exceptionally rough. Everyone seemed to think that going into the Fade was an exciting experience to envy, but they really had no idea. While the Fade had been quite a sight to behold, there was really more bad than good. Ever since his trip to the other plane, Serafinn had been experiencing brutal, realistic nightmares. The first night wasn't so bad since Dorian was there. Having someone to cling to after such visions was a comfort Serafinn didn't know he even needed. He had had nightmares before, especially after the events of Haven, but these were so much more vivid and detailed. They involved Dorian, they involved his closest friends, even his family. Memories of years ago were being warped into gruesome, twisted versions of themselves. Even just one was hard to take, let alone a whole night of them.
Dorian was able to sooth him back to sleep that night. It was difficult, but he was able to drift off in his partner's arms. But Dorian insisted he sleep in his own room the next night. Serafinn panicked, convinced it was because of him. Dorian, however, insisted it was nothing like that.
"I know last night was hard, I do…I just think it would be best if I stayed in my chambers tonight. Just for tonight, I promise!"
The elf wasn't very convinced, but agreed, too exhausted from the night before to argue. So, that evening, Serafinn lay awake as long as he could until his eyes grew too heavy to fight anymore. The nightmares returned, worse this time. Flashes of the Fade riddled with bodies, most of whom Serafinn could recognize. The elf shot out of sleep with a gasp. He was covered in a cold sweat and his chest was heaving. Thankfully, it was now almost morning. He was still sleep deprived, but he would feel better out of bed than in it.
Before heading to the war room that day, Serafinn took a quick trip up to the library. It was still quite early, but he figured Dorian would be there by now. There was no sign of the the Tevinter mage, however.
"I guess I'll come back after the meeting…" the Inquisitor mumbled to himself.
The meeting that day was excruciating. Yawns obscured the voices of the elf's advisors. Every word he did catch added to his growing headache. His council could see that perhaps an early dismissal was in order.
"We can take it from here, Inquisitor. You should take some time to rest."
On top of his headache, Serafinn could feel a knot in his stomach starting to form. First Dorian, now his advisors.
"Are you…su-" the elf couldn't even finish a sentence without a yawn interrupting.
Josephine, Leliana, and Cullen all glanced at each other, then back at their leader. Serafinn sighed and trudged out of the room. Shutting the door behind him, he thought about heading back to bed. But the knot in his gut clenched tighter. Then he thought of Dorian. He hurried over to the library once again, expecting to see the other mage sifting through the shelves of books. But once again, he wasn't there. He wasn't even sitting in his nook. As he was about to leave, Serafinn noticed a small note on the chair in Dorian's corner. It was hastily written, but clearly addressed to him.
"Amatus,
I'm sure you've come looking for me already. I apologize, but I'm dreadfully, violently ill. I insist you keep your distance for a short time. I'll come find you soon, I promise.
Yours,
Dorian"
Serafinn felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He wanted so badly to see Dorian again, but knew that he must have a good reason to go so far as to write this note. Disgruntled, the elf stormed down the stairs and headed for his chambers, pocketing the note. Perhaps having the light flooding into his room would keep the nightmares at bay and allow him to sleep. Luckily, this seemed to work, even if it was just for an hour.
But night finally came. Again, Serafinn couldn't sleep. By this point, he couldn't help but cry. It was just so hard dealing with his alone. All he could think of while awake was Dorian. It had only been a few nights, but he knew something was wrong. Serafinn reached over to his clothes he had thrown to the floor and fetched the crumpled note from his pocket. He read it over and over and over.
'Keep your distance', ' I'll come find you soon, I promise.'
The morning light peaked out over the mountains and into Serafinn's room. With a heavy sigh, Serafinn got ready to start his day.
The next two days passed almost exactly like the previous had. Nightmares, crying, headaches, it was all getting worse and worse. And to top it off, still no Dorian. Serafinn had checked the library every day. Nothing. He even made the decision to check the mage's sleeping quarters. Nothing. At this point, Serafinn was too exhausted and busy to keep searching. This was all getting to be too much.
Every window in the elf's room was wide open. The mountain air was cold at night, but it helped him stay awake while rifling through reports. The mage's eyes were burning, they just wanted to be shut. His head felt heavy and his body weak. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go on like this, something had to change.
Then came the sound of his door opening and closing. Footsteps could be heard slowly climbing the stairs. Serafinn looked up to see Dorian, his hair perfect as ever, his eyes clear, his posture tall. The elf's heart raced, he felt more awake than he had in days, but he wasn't sure how happy he was to see the other man.
The two stared at each other in silence for a long time, only the sound of papers being rustled by the breeze could be heard.
"Inquisitor…" the Teviner finally said quietly, breaking the silence.
Serafinn stood up quickly, blood rushing to his head. He put his face in his hand and steadied himself. The other mage took a step forward to help, but the elf put a hand up to stop him.
"It's fine." Serafinn said flatly.
"Alright…" Dorian replied, looking away and towards the mountains.
The painful silence returned, now deafening. Serafinn ground his teeth in frustration as Dorian crossed his arms and swayed in place, not sure what to do with himself.
"You haven't been around much." the Inquisitor said much more harshly than he had intended.
"Yes…right…And that's why I came to see you," Dorian started, making his way over to Serafinn's desk.
The elf watched him unblinkingly. The taller man was so close now. Dorian slid a hand across the desk, resting it on one of Serafinn's now balled fists. The Inquisitor's heart was pounding and tears were stinging his eyes. He wanted so badly to give in and embrace the mage before him, but a wave of anger washed over him before he could. Serafinn swatted the hand away, much to Dorian's surprise, and stepped to the other side of the desk.
"What is this about, Dorian??" Serafinn demanded, tears blurring his vision.
"Amatus-" Dorian choked.
"No. No excuses, no bullshit," the elf's voice was wavering and broken. "What the hell is going on."
Dorian took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Sniffling could be heard coming from both of them.
"The other night…" Dorian started, his voice cracking, "when I was with you…"
Serafinn stared intently, tears falling from his face and onto the wooden floor.
"Serafinn…"
The knot in the elf's gut clenched. The Altus so rarely used his first name.
"I was having nightmares too that night…I just didn't want to tell you…" Dorian said, looking at the floor.
The Inquisitor squinted. "Wait, what? THAT'S why you've been avoiding me?"
"Not exactly…"
"Dorian, please…"
The elf turned away and shuffled towards the bed. He sat down, having no energy left to stand. A cold wind wafted through the room and towards the bed. Serafinn flinched out of reflex. Dorian hurried over and shut the window tight. He moved towards the bed as well, taking a seat next to the Inquisitor, who was cross armed and facing away from him.
"Serafinn, I'm so, so sorry…" he started, placing his hands on his knees for support. "I didn't want to tell you that night because I…I believed I could deal with nightmares on my own, that they'd go away if I just slept through the night. That was the reason I slept in my room the first time…I know I danced around with my reasons, but I really, really thought they'd go away. Then I could return to your side, ready to take on whatever may come…But…"
There was a long, tense pause. The elf looked at the man beside him, who was now staring at the wall.
"…They only got worse the next night, didn't they." Serafinn said softly.
"Yes."
Another pause.
"Dorian, why didn't you say something?"
The mage bit his lip and fought back the tears welling in his eyes.
"You were already dealing with so much, I couldn't bare the thought of burdening you with my problems." Dorians voice was shaky and sore. He placed his face in his hands. "After that second night, knowing I couldn't even handle myself, I didn't want to have to face you. I couldn't have you dealing with my shit. I didn't want you to put yourself second, because I KNOW you would. I kept trying to take it on by myself, but after the third night…now I couldn't face you for another reason. Fasta Vass…"
Dorian ran a hand through his hair. Serafinn could see his puffy red eyes, his wet face.
"Thinking I could take this on myself, then not being able to. It was so selfish of me to go about it like this…But knowing you were going through the same thing, that it was probably so much worse, and I hadn't even told you what was going on, I hadn't even tried to work through it with you…I couldn't believe what I was doing. I thought if I hid away a little longer I could explain myself better, but there was nothing I could say that could make up for my actions. And then so much time had passed. It made me feel sick. I don't know what to say to make this better…Hiding this from you was the worst decision I've ever made in my life…"
Dorian couldn't hold back any longer. He broke down, weeping through clenched teeth, his fingers pulling at his dishevelled hair.
"I'm so sorry, Serafinn…"
The elf took a deep, deep breath. Trying not to breakdown, he turned himself around, leaned over and wrapped both arms around the man next to him. Dorian finally managed to calm down after a few minutes and leaned his head against the elf's. The two were quiet, aside from their shaky breathing.
"Dorian…" the Inquisitor said finally.
"Yes…?" the other man asked meekly.
"You made a lot of promises to me this week. But there's one I need you to keep. I mean it." Serafinn said, squeezing Dorian harder.
"Anything." Dorian streched to wrap his arm around Serafinn, his fingers digging into the elf desperately.
"Promise me that you'll always tell me if something is wrong. No matter what how big or how small it is." Serafinn's voice was starting to wane.
"Amatus…"
"Your problems are not a burden, Dorian. They never have been, they never will be. Remember that. Now...do you promise?"
"I promise."
The Altus weaved his other arm around the elf and held him tightly. Their rough breathing slowed, their tears started to dry. It felt like hours had passed, but neither of them wanted to be the first to let go.
Eventually Dorian spoke. "I understand if you need some time to think some things over…If you need me to go-"
Serafinn squeezed the mage hard, as much as he possibly could.
"You've made some mistakes this week Dorian, but letting you go now would be my mistake."
Dorian smiled, tears returning to his eyes. "Then I will gladly stay..."
Dorian laid down, pulling Serafinn on top of him and wrapping his arms tenderly around the elf.
"I'll stay here forever, if that's what you'd like…" he whispered into the Inquisitor's ear.
