#dos.update

[nocturnal-pyj]

So.. I've hit a rough patch. The people that work for me keep quitting and I don't know why. I'm super gracious with my pay and benefits.. so I don't understand. I've been picking up all the slack in my club and it's taking a toll on me. I want to spend time with my boyfriend but I'm so tired all the time. I'm not sleeping and when I do, I have nightmares. I don't want to fail..

[nocturnal-pyj]

I did it! I asked Hyungwon to be my boyfriend and he said yes!! I couldn't be happier right now. I am going to spoil the hell out of this beautiful boy and show him that he deserves the world and so much more! He has made me so much more confident in myself and I genuinely feel better about myself every day. I'm going to show him what it's like to feel loved and protected because he deserves it. 😍😍😍😍😍😍

[nocturnal-pyj]

Alright. So. My nightclub recently won an award for best up and coming businesses in Seoul for nightlife! I'm super excited and actually proud of myself for working so hard at this. Things have been going quite well since the start of the new year.

I also kissed Hyungwon. He kissed me? Ah- either way. We kissed and it was amazing. I really feel like a whole new person with him, which is amazing to me since I'm usually so self conscious. I'm debating on asking him out- but would an idol really want to date someone like me?

Edit- I asked him out on a date and he said yes. God- I'm so lucky.

My workouts have been going well though I think I need to slow it down a bit. I pulled a muscle the other day from over doing it.

[nocturnal-pyj]

New Years was amazing. Usually I spend it alone, have for the past few years. Well- me and my cat.. but this year. Wow. Hyungwon asked me to go to a club with him. We drank- dancing really close and I think I almost kissed him? I was kinda drunk and so was he, so I dont remember. Anyway. It's crazy to think that an idol would message someone like me and now I'm scared to say that I think I'm falling for him..

Other than that! Life has been pretty normal. Yuna, my cat, is as cuddly as ever. The nightclub is doing well, getting more and more popular every night. I'm so thankful.

[nocturnal-pyj]

Well. I dont really have much to say.

My nightclub seems to be doing quite well, it's been busy every weekend and it seems to be drawing in a decent crowd of people.

Oh! On another note- I met the idol of my dreams. Chae Hyungwon. Wow- he actually wants to meet me!? I'm a fanboy all over again. I cant wait.

[insidebaek]

i didn't want to dump him i didn't i... miss him so much and i miss chanyeol too and i just

i wish i could have them both? but i can't. and i feel like a fool too. jongin didn't even know i was dating tae so that shows how important i was to him. i feel like he just wanted me to keep me hidden. he says he was falling for me but.... is it true? i doubt it.

but jongin has him completely now. i dumped him. i'll try to fix whatever i can with yeol.

[insidebaek]

i guess i just???

tae asked me yesterday if i'd be okay with him seeing someone else and i mean i don't mind it??? but when he told me he's been flirting and /fucking/ one of my bandmates it's.... not the same. if he wouldve asked maybe straight up "can i fuck someone else" i would've just left him and gone my way. maybe it's because he hasn't fucked me that he looked for someone else?????? the fact that it's jongin hurts, too.

i've been staying at minseok's for about a week now and i've also visited chanyeol but my moods have been so awful.

[insidebaek]

i’m not one to be affectionate with you, but i can’t start to describe how much of a blessing you are in my life. you bring solid happiness, comfort and warmth. and i never want to lose you. you look at me like i’m the stars, but you are the universe and the force that keeps me alive. thank you for being so persistent. thank you for allowing me my time to warm up to you. i promise i’ll be the best version of me that i can be. thank you for asking me to be your boyfriend, chanyeol.