Ranking Each Dottore × Harbinger Ship and My Take on Them
As a chronic multishipper and the self-proclaimed president of the 'Dottore x everyone' club, I hereby present to you all my personal ranking and headcanons for each Dottore x Harbinger ship, and my totally not obvious preference for sub!Dottore (guys i swear i love dom!Dottore, too, i just love to bully him too much)!
cw for a bit of NSFW
#1. Dottolone
I mean, we all saw this one coming. Perfect in every way. What else is there to say that I haven't already?
Two cynical, manipulative bastards who say, "Fuck the heavens, I'll crawl to the top myself and do whatever the hell I want, just to flip Celestia off." Of course they're fucking behind closed doors.
I am physically incapable of yapping about these two without using master/pet metaphors. It just fits them too well, how can I not? I feel like at this point, if Pantalone were to ever actually mockingly refer to Dottore as a dog or something in canon, I would go into cardiac arrest. Catch me like:
These two have me in a chokehold and the thought of Pantalone having Dottore on a leash is my cocaine.
"Regrator, I have a request. That technique you performed on me yesterday. The one where it felt as if the warmth of death had finally caught me in its cruel embrace. I'd like for you to try that again."
"You mean a hug, Doctor?"
#2. Dottodott
I will never forget how the thought that came to me when I saw Dottore's in-game design for the first time in Winter Night's Lazzo was: "wtf why is he hot now???????" (no offense to Webby)
Then, when the reveal that there was more than one Dottore fully settled into my brain, I thought: "oh boy I can't wait for the selfcest art!" For science, obviously.
Dottore is the best representation for self-love. Why go through the trouble of therapy and learning to be kind to your past self when you can just fuck your past self instead? This also makes it easier to admire your own ass!
The only real con of this is that insults don't really work out that well.
"Did you just fall out of bed or something? Your hair looks like a pigeon's nest."
"...Do I really need to point out the irony here?"
#3. Dottoscara
Not many people know this, but this ship is actually the holy trinity of yaoi. Why, you may be asking? Because it is simultaneously old man yaoi (they're both centuries old), doomed yaoi (these two are too tragic for their own good) and toxic yaoi (self-explanatory). I rest my case.
6.3 has made me start to wonder how much of Fatui era Scara's personality was truly his own spiteful volition or if he was mostly like that because Dottore forced his own issues onto him.
Dottore 1000% manipulated and took advantage of Scara's insecurities, but I am very curious to learn just how deep it all went. Was Dottore completely pulling Scara's strings (puppet pun unintended) or did Scara still consent to experiments out of his own will?
Anyway, these two had the nastiest sex. Cruel mind games, drugging and physical abuse is their foreplay.
"Try not scream too much for this next experiment. Bite down on this cloth if you have to. This will be rather painful."
"Hah. As if me screaming in agony isn't jerk off material for you."
"It is, but there's currently a political gathering being hosted by Pulcinella upstairs. Best not to embarrass him in front of any esteemed guests with the sounds of your squealing."
#4. Dottobina
They both unsettle everyone for different reasons, but when they're together, they become a combined menace to the rest of the Harbingers' sanity. No one knows if they're dating or not because they're dynamic is just fucking odd. Even when Columbina squeezes his butt.
The fact that Dottore has said he sees Columbina as a younger sister just makes whatever the fuck they have going on a thousand times more confusing and strange to everyone else.
No one will ever be able to convince me that Columbina was a complete damsel (pun intended) when Dottore was using her for experiments. She was an oblivious menace. I know the moment Dottore took his eyes off her, she was floating off, pressing buttons, flipping switches, messing with mysterious liquids.
"Columbina. Please explain to me why two of my segments are currently superglued to the ceiling."
"They were curious about how it felt like to be able to float, but I'm not strong enough to carry them both."
"...And so you concluded that this would be the second best option?"
"No, this was my third idea. My second idea was to try and make something in your lab that would cause them to float, but you all would've scolded me for touching things I wasn't supposed to again."
#5. Dottochi
If there's anyone who'd be capable of weirding Dottore out, it'd be Childe. They're both weird and annoying but in different ways, and neither of them have enough self-awareness to fully realize that. They look at each other and think to themselves: "He's so fucking weird. At least I'm more normal."
Out of all the Harbingers, Childe would be the most ecstatic about the existence of the segments. Hell yeah, he can get it on with multiple Dottores at the same time! And fight them, too!
Of course, that fantasy depends on if any of them are actually willing to indulge him. Which, usually, they aren't.
In order to get what he wants from his boyfriend(s), Childe cranks his pestering and blatant flirtations to overdrive. And maybe he purposely flirts with others if Dottore's nearby just to test the waters.
Childe's antics always succeed in getting him what he wants. Not being able to sit or walk properly for the next week is a badge of honor for him.
"Hey, Doc! Rare to see you out and about in the streets of Snezhnaya! I was just on my way to the tavern. Fancy a drink or two with me? On me, of course."
"Is this the part where I act as if you haven't been stalking me all day and waiting for a perfect opportunity to 'bump into me,' so you can attempt to woo me?"
#6. Arlettore
Hate sex.
Dottore is irritated with the fact that his best source of test subjects has now been cut off by the new Knave who refuses to negotiate with him. To show his dismay, he constantly belittles and demeans Arlecchino whenever he speaks to her, just to get a reaction out of her.
One day, Arlecchino snaps, grabs him by his slutty harness, lifts him up with one arm, slams him against the wall so hard that it fractures, and threatens him in his ear.
Dottore proceeds to get the most confusing boner, Arlecchino notices, and from that day forward, he's her bitch.
"Must you wear those obnoxious high heels all the time, Knave? Their clicking is giving me a headache."
"So, they're bothering you now, are they? I seem to recall you singing a slightly different tune not too long ago when I was using you as a footrest."
#7. Piettore
There's something about this ship in particular that makes me want to depict Dottore as so extremely down bad and in constant, desperate need for praise and attention. Probably just because Pierro is one of the few people who has some level of authority over Dottore.
Old man takes in stray puppy from the desert and now said puppy has grown into a rabid dog, but still needs constant praise to function.
"Jester, the assignment you gave me has been completed without a single hitch. I've also come to give you the report on my latest experiment involving Light Realm magic."
"Very good. Well done, Dottore– Must you climb onto my lap every time you visit my office?"
"I locked the door when I entered. Plus, you've already proven you can continue your paperwork while providing me with physical affection, so I fail to see the issue."
#8. Capittore
Please consider: Dottore using a bunch of corny heart-related pick-up lines as his attempt at simultaneously trying hit on Capitano while also subtly expressing his desire to dissect and study his modified heart.
Soft boyfriend who loves to rest his head against your chest and fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat, but instead, Capitano is stuck with this heretical researcher who gets weirdly giddy over hearing the forlorn cries of the souls trapped in his heart.
While yes, it is nice to have a partner who isn't put off by what the curse has done to his body over time, Capitano is a bit more concerned than anything that Dottore finds his rotting body extremely attractive.
"It's like I'm having intercourse with Mr. X."
"Dottore, what the fuck are you talking about? Who is Mr. X?"
#9. Sandttore
Robotfucker x Fuckerrobot
I don't know why, but I can't help but feel like Sandrone would actually prefer the company of the younger segments. Omega and Prime piss her off too much with how calmly arrogant they are. At least Webby can be entertaining.
If Dottore wants something from her, she makes him go through the wringer first. She invites him to a tea party where it's just the two of them, and she forces him to dress for the occasion.
After realizing that this man is an absolute fashion disaster, Sandrone has made it her goal to dress Dottore up herself whenever they get together.
This is another reason why she'd prefer the younger segments. They look cuter in frilly outfits and don't smell as strongly of sulphur mixed with vinegar like their older selves. Also, they squirm and fluster more easily, which Sandrone may or may not get off on.
"Your inner mechanical workings have piqued my interest as of late. I would like to examine your wind-up key more closely."
"Getting your grubby fingers on me will come at a much higher price."
"Tch. Are these childish tea parties and your incessant need to treat me like your dress-up doll not enough? Fine. Name your price."
"I've recently decided to purchase my own Kamera. So, put on this maid dress. And these cat ears. And this bell collar. And this cock cage."
"I beg your pardon–"
#10. Dottonella
Hardcore masochist Dottore for this ship. And he's shameless about it, too. He ragebaits his wrinkly old 4'5" boyfriend just to get whacked or his foot stomped on.
Pulcinella is able to get his revenge by forcing Dottore to resort to begging whenever he needs resources for experiments, but the Doctor is still infuriating most of the time.
One time, Pulcinella made the mistake of threatening to shove his cane up Dottore's ass. Dottore's response is exactly what you're thinking, and he said it within earshot of Pierro. Pulcinella had to sit and question his life choices after that.
"Dottore, this is a serious conversation. I suggest you keep any smart comments to yourself. I am not in the mood for your usual antics."
"Apologies, I cannot hear you all the way down there, dear Mayor. Shall I fetch you a step ladder again?"
#11. Dottonora
We have ZERO info on how these two interacted, so I'm going off of NOTHING here. I can't think right now if the timelines align, but maybe they attended the Akademiya together. Academic rivals, mayhaps?
I believe in my heart that Signora is older and I also headcanon that Dottore had a late growth spurt. So, Rosalyne playfully teased Zandik, and Zandik, being who he is, may have taken some of the teasing to heart. Much to his dismay, he was also developing a crush on Rosalyne. But apparently, she was already taken by some himbo knight from Mondstadt.
Fast forward to when they're both Harbingers, there's some unresolved tension growing from Dottore and, miraculously, Signora isn't all that put off by it. If anything, she finds his audacity rather amusing. Clearly, she left quite an impression on him back in their Akademiya days. And, well, maybe Dottore can still be cute sometimes.
"Still as abnormally tall as ever, Crimson Witch?"
"If your reason for approaching me is to subtly try your hand at flirting, I'll save you from wasting your breath and my time. Tall as I may be, I have no interest in men under six feet."
"Is that so? Well, I'm nearly twice as tall as your late lover, considering he's currently six feet under, if that helps."
