🔪 Has the show increased/decreased your interest in true crime? Why?
I feel like it has increased. I always found it interesting but now that I’m more, let’s say, in contact with it, it takes my attention more often and it invites me to, like, investigate on my own and read Ryan’s notes.
😂 Have Shane and Ryan influenced your sense of humour since watching Unsolved?
I don’t think so, because my humor has always been like this. In fact, I feel like I really liked the show in the first place because my humor is so similar to theirs, lol.
Warnings: Mentions/thoughts of suicide but no action.
WordCount: 1438
Daffodil means unrequited love.
Well, it also means regard, rebirth and new beginnings. But Ryan was fixated on unrequited love.
How much irony could be bundled into one flower?
The flower he had just coughed up moments ago. The flower that had been growing in his lungs giving him difficulty breathing over the past few days.
How much meaning was behind that simple phrase; unrequited love.
Ryan threw the bloody flowers away without telling anyone.
He coughed up a white violet a few days after the first incident. Let’s take a chance on happiness.
Ryan sat down and did some research and discovered they called his “problem” the Hanahaki disease.
Ryan was not impressed.
Ryan didn’t know what hurt more. The flowers or watching his unrequited love laugh and smile around others. Of course the other was allowed to have friends and be happy and everything but it still set an ache deep in his bones.
Because why? Why wasn’t Ryan good enough for the other?
Ryan didn’t know and he decided he didn’t want to know.
“Dear god Ryan! What the fuck?!”
Jack finally found out the one day they walked in the bathroom while Ryan was coughing up forsythias. Anticipation.
“We need to get you to the hospital or something if you’re coughing up blood!” Jack exclaimed grabbing Ryan’s arm and trying to pull him towards the door.
“Jack! Stop, I’m fine!” Ryan said in a harsh whisper trying not to draw the attention of others. He was still clutching the bloody flowers in his hand.
“Fine?! You are coughing up gobs of blood!” Jack barked back at Ryan. Ryan finally got free and gave Jack a stern look to stop him in his tracks.
“Look Jack, it’s fine. It’s just a disease that I-“
“Just a disease?! Are you insane Ryan-“
“Look, it isn’t blood, they’re flowers!” Ryan was almost yelling at the end.
Jack stopped in their tracks and stared at Ryan incredulously. “Flowers?” Jack repeated.
Ryan nodded before going to the sink and washing the blood off of the flowers. “See, I’m just coughing up flowers, not blood like you thought.” Ryan tried to reason with Jack.
Of course Jack wasn’t convinced but decided to leave it be for the moment. After double checking that Ryan wasn’t coughing anymore and helping him clean up the bathroom Jack left.
Ryan was afraid Jack was going to tell the rest of the crew and inevitably tell the person that caused this problem in the first place.
Jack confronted him a couple of days after the incident and offered Ryan a shoulder to lean on should he need it. Ryan coughed up hydrangeas that day. Thank you for understanding.
It was during a heist when Geoff found out. It’s not like Ryan could hide it as blood dripped out of his mouth onto the ground as he held the flowers in the hand that wasn’t holding his mask upward so he could cough up the oleanders. Caution.
Geoff did his own research and didn’t question Ryan anymore if he abruptly left the room.
For the first time in a while, Ryan cried. He cried as he choked on the flowers that were trying to leave his lungs.
He was able to finally cough up the red carnations. My heart aches for you.
He wanted to so badly to give up. To just refuse to cough up the flower and suffocate on them.
He couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to the crew though. As soon as his use for the crew was up, he would give up.
Because what life was Ryan living where he coughed up flowers every couple of days which just reminded him of what a failure he was. And how the person he loved didn’t love him back.
Maybe Ryan was exaggerating and maybe he wouldn’t go that far. But in that moment of weakness, Ryan wished for it all to be over.
‘Or even maybe just become purely the Vagabond and never let emotions come in again.’ That was the thought that was whispered maliciously in his head. ‘Just let go of everything, especially them and just become the Vagabond, a mindless killing machine.’
Ryan repeated the thought of just wanting it to be all over in his mind. But he didn’t want it to end that way where it’ll end in bloodshed and grief. He would turn into a monster that not even the crew would be safe from.
No. Ryan would continue on if only to keep his own personal demons away from destroying what he held near and dear.
The Lads originally thought that Ryan had an eating disorder. But the lack of weight loss begged to differ.
Gavin thought that Ryan had a secret second crew but couldn’t prove it.
Michael didn’t give a single fuck what Ryan was doing but Gavin kept bugging him about it so he watched for Ryan as well.
Jeremy thought Ryan was sick with something but also couldn’t prove anything.
The Gents refused to talk about it though so it just raised the Lads’ curiosity.
“Ryan?” Ryan looked up as his name was called.
“Yeah?” He replied back, pushing away from the balcony railing to look at the other person.
“What is the name of the disease you have?” Was finally asked after a moment of comfortable silence, just enjoying each-others’ presence.
“Who said I had a disease?” Ryan countered back defiantly
“You keep running off and have been looking sickly” Was reasoned back
“Doesn’t mean I have a disease” Ryan tried again but much weaker this time
“Doesn’t mean you don’t. So what is it?”
There was silence for a minute.
“Hanahaki” Ryan finally said in a dead voice, because this meant the other knew now.
“Hana-what?”
“Hanahaki. That’s the name.” Ryan stated before walking away.
Ryan leaned against the railings of the balcony again.
How easy was it just to end his life right now? To just climb over the railing and jump to his death. The other person would finally know and understand and it just would be so easy.
Ryan caught himself leaning even more forward.
No, Ryan wouldn’t succumb to that weakness of his. He would be strong, if only for the crew.
The crew that gave him so much and didn’t ask much from him. Sure they asked for him to be the person he was during a heist but any other time he was allowed to be himself without worrying about the consequences. This was his family, his home.
“I looked it up.” Was the statement that made him almost choke on his breath in surprise.
Ryan was inside this time in the garage. He was contemplating taking a bike to hide from the person that currently surprised him. So much for that plan.
“I figured you would” Ryan finally stated after a few moments of catching his breath.
“Had a tough time spelling it though,” Was joked to try to lighten the mood before, “So who is the lucky person?”
“No one you need to know” Ryan was determined this time not to bend to the other’s will
“Don’t be like that.”
“I’m serious, drop it. You don’t need to know” Ryan responded back almost harshly
“Well how can I help you if you don’t tell me.” Was reasoned back at him
“I don’t need your help.” Ryan tried again to be defiant but he was just so tired..
“Your disease says otherwise.” Snarked the other person
“Just drop it” Ryan tried one last time
“No. Tell me Ryan” But the other person was so insistent
“Fine! You want to know so badly?! It’s you” Ryan finally exploded, “It’s always been you, ever since you first officially joined the crew after the trial run”
There was silence
“Me?” Was tentatively asked at last
“Yes you…” Ryan almost whispered, because it just hurt in that moment to admit it when he knew he was going to be rejected.
“Well…we can give it a shot.”
“I know you’re probably disgust-wait what?” Ryan stopped dead in his tracks but was afraid to hope
“Yeah, I mean we can try. I never gave it thought but it wouldn’t hurt to try.” Was finally confessed after a beat of silence
“What if it ends badly, this could affect the crew.” Ryan still didn’t dare to hope yet
“I don’t think it will. Plus we’re adults, we’ll figure it out. So how about it? One date?” Jeremy asked Ryan, turning towards him with a big smile.
Silence
“Sure, one date” Ryan felt something besides the flowers blossom in his chest.
Summary: Gavin is stuck in a pretty empty world with four friends, trying to build the place up into something worth living in. It's a bit boring, but at least he's blessed by a god and has Jeremy with him, right?
Warnings: Mentions of blood and blood altar related harm, rated mature
Word Count: 18,460
Gavin was sure, one hundred percent positive, that whoever created this world had begun to regret their decision by now. It was possible, of course, that they were simply a sadistic bastard who enjoyed seeing them struggle to survive in the... well, the nothing that they'd been dropped into so many days ago. But there had to be a damn limit. They'd been floundering around like idiots for so long now, attempting to make something out of the nothing, that surely it wasn't worth watching anymore.
No, whoever their god was, they had to be crazy.
But they all still prayed. Of course they did. No matter what kind of world it was, and how little they'd been given to start, they were still alive here. And they had started to make progress. They had metal, and ways to process it. It was all manual labor, and took far too long, but they were getting there. Where, he didn't know, but he was sure that it was somewhere.
Despite initially giving them so little, surely all they'd done so far had been overseen and favored by the god who'd made them this world? Gavin doubted they'd all still be alive now if the divine hadn't allowed it. They'd had so many close calls, especially in the beginning when there had barely been a floor to stand on. He and Jeremy most of all, thanks to clumsiness and a fondness of taking risks, respectively.
Gavin liked to think that their god was actually quite fond of them. He was sure he'd fallen from deathly heights that could have killed him instantly. And yet, he'd managed to survive each time. Not without some bad injuries, of course, but he would take those over dying, easy.
He was being ridiculous, he knew. He was probably just extremely lucky, not experiencing any sort of godly interventions.
The thought got him through the frustrating weeks where they just seemed to be farming for materials like dirt all day, though. Today was, unfortunately, another one of those days.
Dirt duty. His favorite.
He stuffed leaves into the line of barrels with a light scowl etched onto his face. Normally he was in a good mood, but he hadn't been able to talk to anyone all day, and his leg hurt from the old break it was still in the middle of recovering from. overall, things weren't exactly going his way as of late.
"Gavin!" A voice called, the sound of footsteps pulling his attention away from the dirt-making process.
"Hey, Jeremy," He replied, pulling his expression up into a grin at the sight of the other man. "What's up?"
"Well, I need dirt," he said bluntly, tilting his head towards the large pile of it that Gavin had begun building.
"Oh," he muttered, disheartened, and turned back toward what he'd been doing. "Yeah, take whatever you want, J."
"Hey, c'mon," Jeremy frowned, leaning forward in what Gavin assumed was an attempt to see his face. Unsuccessful, he leaned back again with a small huff. "How's your leg doing today?"
Gavin shuffled his stance a bit, testing the strength of the leg he'd been taking it easy on since it broke. He could walk around well enough, but placing his full weight on that side still caused pain. "Doing alright," he said with a shrug.
"Knowing you, it'll probably be healed in only a few days," the man chuckled with a shake of his head.
"What?" he exclaimed, jerking his head towards Jeremy in surprise. "No it won't!"
"Yes it will! You're fucking blessed, dude. You absolutely should have died at least fifteen times by now, getting attacked and falling all over the place like that."
"Blessed?" Sure, he liked to think that their god liked them, but to actually consider himself blessed seemed wrong. The divine had no reason to favor anybody, especially not Gavin, considering that he actually hadn't contributed much to the development of this world yet. "If I'm blessed, then so are you."
Jeremy scoffed. "How?"
"You know everything! I'm stuffing leaves in barrels to make dirt by hand and you're over there making metal and automating shit!" he huffed. "You're like some... some little genius or something."
He saw the man's face scrunch at little, but he didn't comment. Jeremy was far too used to it by now, and Gavin doubted he was ever really bothered by it in the first place. It's not like he ever meant it in a bad way, either.
"That doesn't mean I'm blessed! I'm just throwing shit together with dumb luck. It's different than falling off the damn world and living to tell about it, Gavin."
"Why would I be blessed, though?"
Jeremy's lips pulled downwards into a small frown. "Well, I mean, I don't know. The god must like you." He shrugged.
Gavin snorted indignantly, shaking his head.
"Hey, Gav," he said, pausing until he was given full attention, "I'd bless you if I were a god."
Outright laughing, Gavin turned away again, but his smile lingered far after the giggles had faded into silence. "Sure, thanks, J." He still didn't really believe there was any real divine intervention keeping him safe. And, if there was, he stood by the fact that Jeremy had some too. But joking around with the man did make him feel rather better about it.
"What the fuck's taking you so long to get some dirt?" a new voice thundered, and both of their heads jerked to the left to see Michael walking towards them.
Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, Jeremy grinned. "Sorry, Michael. I'm getting it now."
"No flirting on the job, boys," he teased with a slightly annoyed huff. Shaking his head, he walked away again, not even bothering to make sure Jeremy actually wasgetting the dirt. Gavin didn't even bother to refute the words. Not because they were flirting, but because he knew that none of them would listen, anyway. If they wanted to tease, they would tease.
"See ya later, Gav," Jeremy hummed, and Gavin turned to see him hefting up a large sack of dirt. It looked to be almost all that he could hold.
"Need help?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn't expected him to take that much.
"Nope. I got this," he huffed, but Gavin heard the strain in his voice as he took the first step forward. "You just," a step and a grunt, "Keep at it."
"Jeremy," Gavin said, disbelief in his voice, but he didn't move forward to help, and instead let the man do as he pleased. If Jeremy was in the mood to throw out his back, he'd be damned if he let anyone stop him.
Alone again, he sighed. Gavin missed the company of his friends. Before, when they'd only have a few feet of space to move in, they'd always talked and joked together. There was never a moment of peace. Sure, they got on each other's nerves a lot, especially whenever someone had made a mistake, but he was a very tactile person. Gavin didn't like being left alone for too long. Now that their world had grown so much, and most of them had discovered something specific that they could put their attention to, he was left by himself a lot more often.
He got used to it, though. Really, he had not choice but to accept it, even if he sometimes wished things were like they used to be. As it was though, things were only going to keep moving forward.
~~~~~~~~~~
Gavin knelt before his bed, elbows resting on the mattress, his hands clasped together in front of his head, which was bowed downwards in prayer. He did so every night, and it had become such an ingrained habit that he no longer needed to think about it.
Still, he didn't exactly know if he was doing it properly. He knew how to pray, but the fact remained that they knew next to nothing about their god besides the fact that they were the one to build this world. Or - create it. The building itself had been left up to it's inhabitants. Whether that was from uncaring, cruelty, or just a boredom that begged for entertainment, Gavin had no idea. Did gods even get bored? Surely they must, right?
Either way, he chose to not dwell on it and give their god the benefit of the doubt, if only to keep himself in the deity's favor. He didn't want to insult such a high power, after all. So, he prayed. It was likely all meaningless, but he felt as though it was somehow important. Like he was benefiting them all by giving thanks for what they'd been given.
At the very least, it made him feel good, and gave him something to cling to.
He whispered easy words about the day's activities and the things they'd discovered or built, thanking the god for giving them the knowledge and materials. He also spoke of difficult things; the pain of any recent injuries, or the loneliness he often felt, and the words were thick and difficult on his tongue as he asked for guidance.
No response ever came, of course, but he liked to think the god was at least listening. He certainly wasn't blessed, but if they were even hearing his words, then that was good enough for Gavin.
Ending his nightly prayer with a yawn, he slipped into bed and easily fell asleep.
He woke up to screaming.
With a jolt, he was sitting upright and shaking the fog out of his head. At first, he wasn't quite sure if it had been real or just a dream, but after hearing it a second time, he was jumping too his feet and running, despite still being in his nightclothes. At least he had the presence of mind to grab his sword and bag as he left.
The scream had definitely belonged to Jeremy. Gavin ran towards the sound, though it sounded faraway, and at first he hadn't been sure where to go. A look downward confirmed the worst of all possible scenarios.
"Jeremy!" he yelled, leaning over the edge of the cobblestone, down into the pit that was dark enough to look endless. There Jeremy stood, on almost invisible ground, attempting to fight off what looked to be a horde of monsters. Where the hell was everyone else, and why weren't they here too?
"Gavin?" he replied, sparing a glance upwards and earning a lunge forward from a spider in return.
The sight urged him to action, and he made to follow down after the man. He'd ended up down there enough times, along with some mishandled objects, that they'd all resorted to jut building a hatch and a rope going downwards. The problem, he realized, was that the rope was now gone. No wonder Jeremy hadn't been able to escape the mob horde.
Afraid of being too late, he scrambled through a nearby chest where he was sure - he hoped - that there had been some rope. Thanking the god above with a joyous cry, he hastily tied it off to the old hatch, and let it fall downward. Before even bothering to make sure it went all the way to the bottom he jumped and slid down the rope, ignoring the burn on his hands that came as a result. That could be dealt with later.
"Jeremy!" he called again, waving his hands around in an attempt to get the man's attention. "Come on! The rope!"
"Does it look like I can get over there?" Jeremy yelled back, his voice breathless and strained as he swung his sword to keep the monsters at bay.
Frustrated and out of ideas, Gavin did the dumbest thing possible and rushed towards them all, attacking them with vigor as he tried to draw their attention to himself. If they looked his way and weren't so focused on Jeremy, then perhaps the man could find a way to escape from them and run to the rope and get to safety.
By some miracle, it kind of worked? At least half of them turned to advance on Gavin instead, and it was with a lot of cursing and various grunts of pain - the causes of which would be worried about later - that Jeremy slowly made his way to the other side of the horde, where Gavin and the rope both waited.
"Come on, Gav," the man called, "just run!" Running wasn't exactly an option, since his leg was still injured from before, and he'd exerted it so much by sprinting without thinking, but he limped as quickly as possible to the escape route he'd left for them as Jeremy urged him to hurry. Who was saving who, now?
With adrenaline thrumming through their veins, they climbed back up to safety, and collapsed on the cool cobblestone ground next to one another, breathing too heavily to even speak properly.
"Are you," he eventually gasps between breaths, "alright?"
Jeremy lifted his head to look down at himself. "I, uh, think so?" He was breathless, and his words weren't coming out as clearly as they could have, but Gavin still heard the questioning lilt to his tone. "Are you?"
"Yeah. Think so," he said, simply repeating the man's previous words. To be honest, he wasn't sure. His leg kinda hurt like hell, but that was his own fault. He didn't know if the monsters had done any damage.
Gavin forced his body up into a sitting position and looked down to inspect himself, running his hands down his chest to feel for any twinges. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Jeremy as he did the same.
"M'clothes are a little torn but I think I'm good," he murmured, the words a bit slurred as they were interrupted with an exhausted yawn. The adrenaline had finally begun to wear off, and it left him feeling drained. He looked to the other man to see how he was, and his eyes widened. "Jeremy," he gasped.
Rips and tears littered his shirt and pants, loose bits of cloth clinging by threads and threatening to fall apart. Gavin had gotten a few cuts but that was nothing compared to this. Unthinkingly, he surged forward and tugged at the fabric. it was ruined anyway, so there was no point in being gentle with it. He just needed it out out the way. He needed to see if Jeremy was okay.
He blinked owlishly at the skin there. There were cuts and scratches littering Jeremy's chest and arms, but they were small and insignificant, barely bleeding and practically healed already. And well, they've lived in close quarters for a while now, have definitely all seen one another shirtless, so Gavin was positive these hadn't been there before.
Not that he ever stared or anything.
"It's, you're, uh," he stuttered, unable to think of something to say as he looked over the man's chest in shock.
"What the fuck," the man breathed in reply, and that at least made Gavin feel a little better, as if ripping apart what had been left of Jeremy's clothes hadn't been completely unfounded. Gavin looked up to meet equally wide eyes. "It, it had been worse," Jeremy whispered, gingerly poking at the small wounds.
Gavin was still stunned silent. He had no idea what to make of any of this. He'd rushed down, certain that Jeremy was dying and, well, maybe he had been, but there was nothing to show for it now. No reason to worry, as if all injuries had simply been whisked away. A sudden relief washed over him as he finally accepted the idea that Jeremy was alive, and then he giggled, laughter bubbling from his chest unbidden and unstoppable.
"Gavin?" Jeremy asked, confusion clear in his tone. Still, the laughing didn't stop until tears had fallen down his cheeks and the corners of his mouth ached. He must look like an idiot, but honestly he was just so relieved. Jeremy was here and alive and he could barely believe it.
When he'd heard that scream, and then when he'd seen that horde cornering the man, a small part of himself had been sure Jeremy would die. He'd been so afraid, and that had been what spurred him to action without thinking. But now, to see that he was completely fine? Gavin couldn't do anything but laugh, it was so ridiculous. It felt so good though, the elation of knowing that Jeremy would live.
"Who's blessed now, J?" he chuckled brokenly.
Jeremy laughed at that, though it sounded like it had been torn from his throat. "Still you, Gav," the man murmured, poking at a particularly long tear in his shirt. Gavin tugged at it to see the skin underneath, surprised - or maybe not, really - to see a small cut, similar to Jeremy's own. Briefly, he remembered the painful sting of a sword, but now any evidence it had happened was gone.
"Oh," he mumbled. "I guess so." He'd gone compliant with the situation, a small part of his mind realized. It was too much, and he was far too strung out and exhausted to even begin to properly comprehend everything. He was defaulting at acceptance, and he wasn't sure if that worried him or not.
"How's your leg?" Jeremy asked, leaning over to inspect the limb even though he wouldn't be able to see any damage, anyway.
"It bloody hurts."
"Well, what'd you go running around for?" It was a weak attempt to make a joke out of the situation, but it made Gavin's mouth twitch upwards anyway. "Come on," Jeremy huffed, pushing himself up to his feet, "I'll help you walk back."
He leaned heavily on the shorter man as he limped back, but Jeremy's support never wavered. "What the hell is everyone else doing?" Gavin grumbled angrily as he noticed Jack's farm in the darkness of night.
"Sleeping, probably," Jeremy huffed in reply.
"So was I."
"Really? How'd you know I was down there?"
Gavin turned his head to look at the man in surprise. "What do you mean? I heard you."
"Huh. Good ears, Gav," Jeremy murmured.
"Better than everyone else's, apparently."
They made it to Gavin's bed with no problems, and thankfully, neither of their legs had given out on the walk. He dropped himself unceremoniously onto the mattress as soon as Jeremy loosened his supporting hold, groaning in discomfort. He had no fatal injuries, but was still exhausted and sore. "Thanks for walking me back, J," he hummed.
"Yup. I don't want you falling over or anything."
"Ha ha," Gavin grumbled in irritation, although a small smile could be heard in his voice, even if he was too tired to show it on his face.
Jeremy chuckled. "Night, dude. And uh, thank you for going down there after me."
He lifted his gaze to see the man's face. "Don't make me do it again," he teased softly.
"Eh, we'll see." Jeremy gave one last tired wave of his hand before he turned and left. He was long gone by the time Gavin remembered that he'd never even thought to ask why the man had been down there. As it was at the moment though, he was already falling asleep, so figuring out could wait.
But, he did remember to send thanks to their god for keeping Jeremy safe before he finally drifted off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
Gavin had weird dreams that night. His sleep was restful still, and by the time morning came he could barely remember them, but he was left with a strange feeling that lingered through the beginning of his day. He struggled to grasp at the memories, but that only sent them further away, and he eventually gave up trying with a frustrated huff.
His leg was sore, but he could use it well enough, and he found himself walking around, looking for Jeremy.
"Gavin!" A voice called out, and he turned to see Michael approaching.
"Hey, Michael."
"What the fuck happened to your leg now? It looks worse than before!"
"It's alright. I just..." he paused, searching for an explanation that didn't make it sound as though it was his fault. (It technically was, of course.) "I used it too much yesterday."
"You were standing in one spot all day, Gav," Michael said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Damn. They were too good of friends for him to easily believe the lie.
"Standing hurts!"
"Bullshit. What did you do?"
He was quiet for a moment. "Ran," he finally replied in a nervous tone.
"What? Why?"
Gavin sighed. "Last night, Jeremy was stuck down with the mobs."
Michael's eyes widened, and he practically gasped. "Why the fuck was he down there?"
"I don't know! I just, dunno, I heard him down there last night. It woke me up and I didn't really have time to think about it."
Michael seemed, surprisingly, stunned to silence. Usually the man could always find something to say, but now he was eerily quiet. Gavin understood. He and Jeremy both could have very easily died last night, and nobody would have realized until the next morning when they were already gone. It was a painful thought.
"Where's Jeremy now?" he finally asked.
"I was looking for him."
The man huffed angrily. "Was he planning on telling us? You both could have been killed, you fucking idiot!" And then, he turned to stalk away.
"Michael?" Gavin called after him, attempting to keep up despite the sharp pain in his leg that came with every step. It was bearable though, and the man seemed mad enough that following him felt necessary. They walked all the way to the area where Jeremy chose to reside, Michael rushing and Gavin struggling to just barely keep up.
"Jeremy! Where the hell are you?" Michael shouted, barging in. His bed was empty, but the man was not missing, and he turned from what he was doing in surprise at the shout of his name. Gavin could see the wince when Jeremy noticed who was there for him, like he knew exactly what the conversation was going to be about. Though, it was a bit obvious, really.
"Oh, hey Michael," he said, offering a smile to them both as he walked over to meet them.
"Why didn't you tell me you fell off the fucking world last night?" Michael demanded, not wasting any time with small talk and Jeremy's obvious stalling. Gavin stayed silent, shuffling nervously as he stood behind the angrier man.
"Well, I mean, I was going to?" he said, his voice uprising in the tone of a question.
Michael scowled. "How did you even stay alive down there?"
Gavin doubted either of them had an answer for that. Well, there was one, but he was still doubtful about the whole thing, and Jeremy only ever joked about it anyway. At least, he was pretty sure the man had been joking about it before. He wasn't sure what to think of the situation now, after what had happened to their injuries last night, and Jeremy was likely facing the same dilemma. He'd wanted to perhaps have an actual discussion about it, but unfortunately, he'd run into Michael first.
"Gavin came to my rescue," he laughed, with all the bravado of certainty. Gavin didn't think he'd done much saving, but it was nice to be given some credit for his mostly meaningless efforts.
"I just distracted them a bit," he murmured.
"You brought the rope back down," Jeremy insisted, and okay, maybe that part was true.
"Why was the rope gone?" Michael questioned, his eyebrows raising.
Jeremy rubbed at the back of his neck, biting his bottom lip before chuckling lightly. "It snapped when I was climbing down there."
An unreadable sort of expression crossed the man's face as his eyes flicked between the both of them. He spoke to the pair, "don't fucking go down there by yourself next time," then sighed. All anger seeming to drain out of his body at that moment. The thought of someone dying in the quiet of night was too much for any of them. "And you have to tell Geoff and Jack."
"I was going to," Jeremy nodded. Gavin couldn't help but feel like they were being scolded, but then again, Michael tended to have a very fatherly nature at times.
"Just, fucking, go back to whatever you were doing, idiots," he grumbled, and left them standing there.
They watched him leave in silence. "That went well," Jeremy hummed, finally breaking it.
"You're joking." Gavin looked over in surprise.
The man scoffed. "Well, obviously." Then, he sighed. "How are you, Gav?"
"I've been better."
With a shake of his head, but grinning just slightly, Jeremy said "Yeah, me too. Last night was just ... insane."
"That's one way to put it, sure."
Jeremy was silent for a few moments, glancing around like he was looking for some sort of way out. Gavin couldn't exactly blame him. Everything about what had happened down with the mobs the night before was difficult to think about, let alone talk about. He'd like it if they could just forget the whole thing happened, but he doubted anything good would come of doing so.
Eventually though, the man spoke again. "I'm still surprised you managed to hear me and then get to me so fast."
"You screamed, didn't you?" he asked, slightly confused. Yeah, Jeremy had been very far down from where they stood now, on actual land, but screaming was something that tended to carry pretty well.
"Yeah, but it's hard to hear from up here when someone's all the way down there. Michael says that's why we never hear the mobs, and why two people should always go together."
"Michael goes down there by himself," Gavin huffed.
"Well, he's Michael. He doesn't give a shit."
"You must have screamed pretty loud then, J."
He frowned. "Or, you just can hear extremely well."
Gavin furrowed his brows. He doubted that was the case. In fact, he probably had only average hearing at best. "I don't think so."
Jeremy looked like he wanted to protest, but clamped his mouth shut, his jaw visibly tight. Gavin didn't like that. He wanted the man to talk to him properly, not keep secrets all bottled up. Still, he didn't push the subject, and instead let their current conversation fall away into silence.
"You ran pretty fast on that leg too. I saw you limping today."
"Eh, its alright. Worth it, innit? You could have died if I hadn't gotten there fast enough."
"Would have died," Jeremy corrected. "The rope had snapped. Even if I had been able to get away from the mobs that were cornering me then, there was no way for me to get back up. I still would be stuck with them all."
"Jeremy," Gavin began, but the man shook his head.
"Gavin. Come on, man. You saved my fucking life."
Nervously, he pressed a finger against Jeremy's chest. "What about those? I didn't do that." It was vague phrasing, but he knew that the man knew exactly what he was talking about.
"I uh, I don't know about that," he muttered, looking down at his own chest before taking a glance at Gavin's too. They were both clothed, but knowing what was there - the already healed cuts - meant it didn't matter much. They didn't need to look again.
"I think you're the one that's blessed here," he said, attempting to make a joke, but sounding far more serious than he'd intended.
Jeremy simply scoffed. "I doubt it."
"What, why?"
"I already told you, Gav. Why would I be?"
Why would I be?" he countered back. Jeremy like to claim he was, but there was no more reason for him to be than the other man.
"Because you're likable."
Gavin blinked, caught by surprise at the words. He extremely doubted that. He knew that they were all friends, but he also knew that he was the biggest piece of shit out of all of them. He was the only one without a dedicated job, and got bored easily. A bored Gavin tended to mess with the people around him, and that often ended in anger. "You're out of your mind."
"No, I'm serious!"
"Why would the god like me enough to bless me? I don't do anything. At least you all are doing something to make this place better, building and inventing shit."
"Just because you're not out on a farm all day like Jack doesn't mean you don't do anything. Without you making stuff, we wouldn't be able to build anything. Besides, you're nice to have around."
A light flush bloomed on Gavin's cheeks. "You're full of shit," he muttered, but he was trying not to grin.
"I am not! The god likes you, dude."
"I don't offer them anything worth liking."
Jeremy hummed. "You're you."
"That's-" he began, but cut himself off. He didn't exactly know how to respond to that. It was oddly heartfelt. "Thanks, J."
"Anytime," he chuckled.
"I still believe what I said, though."
"What, that I'm blessed too? I don't think so," the man chuckled.
The corners of Gavin's mouth turned downwards in a slight frown. "You shouldn't be so doubtful."
"Like you're not doubtful?"
"I'm just unsure."
Jeremy outright laughed. "That's basically the same thing."
"No, it's not!" But the man was still laughed, so he sighed, giving up. After all, he couldn't exactly make Jeremy believe he was blessed or not. It was nothing short of a miracle that they were both alive right now, but realizing that, and believing it's a blessing were two completely different things. Besides, he'd meant what he said about still being unsure. Being blessed by a god sounded great, but it was still so unlikely that he wasn't going to put his faith into it. He was probably just really lucky.
"When are you going to tell Geoff and Jack about what happened?"
"Oh, damn." He'd obviously forgotten he was supposed to. "Never?"
"Michael would kill you."
He groaned. "I guess the next time I see them."
"Good luck."
"Yeah, thanks," Jeremy grumbled, but he didn't sound very thankful at all. Gavin understood, though. Explaining what had happened to Michael had been terrifying enough.
"You're not going to avoid them all day, are you?"
"No?"
"Jeremy, " Gavin chided.
"Alright, alright. No, I'm not gonna avoid them."
"Okay, good."
"Yeah, yeah. Just get out of here now," he grumbled, effectively kicking Gavin out. "I'll see you later, okay?"
"When you come to get more dirt?" Honestly, Gavin still wasn't very fond of his current job, but Jeremy had made him feel better enough about it that he felt free to joke and tease about the situation now.
"You know it."
He took his leave then, slowly finding his way back towards where he was meant to be. The limp made it difficult to walk around properly, but he wasn't in too much of a hurry. Geoff, Michael, and Jack were obviously all already busy, and Jeremy would surely be joining them in that regard.
Once he'd arrived at the barrels and sifters, he began putting them to work. And, like promised, he was visited by Jeremy a few times that day, along with one very disgruntled looking Jack.
"I heard you and Jeremy had quite the adventure last night."
"Oh, he told you."
Jack nodded. "He came to the farm."
"Yeah, Michael found out when he saw me limping around and made sure that Jeremy promised to tell you and Geoff. I mean, I think he was going to anyway, but."
"Michael," Jack filled in as an explanation, and Gavin nodded with a laugh.
"Michael," he agreed.
"I'm glad you're both okay."
"Thanks, Jack. Uh, what did you need?"
And so his day went, until night fell once again. He took the time to pay a visit to Jack in turn to grab some of the corn he was growing, and ate it while he limped around, chatting absentmindedly with the others. He enjoyed the relaxing conversations that came with the evening, once they'd all grown tired of working. Geoff had been the most stressful to talk to, since he'd been the only one Gavin hadn't seen since Jeremy told everyone what happened, but he'd relaxed soon enough. Michael had by far taken it the worst out of all of them.
Once he'd finished eating, and everyone else seemed to be growing tired too, Gavin retired back to his bed, easing himself down onto the mattress. Like the night before, it didn't take much time after he prayed before he was falling asleep again.
His dream that night was weird as well, but it felt more tangible - not so far out of his grasp. In fact, he felt as thought he remembered pieces of it. They were incomprehensible, just little flashes of light, and something like a voice, but it was still better than what he'd had before.
At least it was something.
That morning after he got dressed, he was immediately greeted by Jeremy. He hadn't even made it downstairs to the sifters and his forever waiting pile of dirt, but the man caught him on the start of the journey there.
"I got something for you, Gav," he said, bouncing on his feet and excitement clear in his voice. His hands were behind his back, and Gavin attempted to peer around and see what he was holding, but to no avail.
"Well come on then," he said with impatience. "What is it?"
With a flourish, Jeremy swung his hand forward and presented him with ... a ball of fabric? It looked a bit like yarn except ... harder. He must have been staring for too long because the man sighed.
"Its mesh, see?" he explained, grabbing onto a small portion and letting it collapse downwards. When it wasn't crumpled up, he could see the full vision.
"Oh! Oh, Jeremy! That's amazing," he cooed, reaching out and grabbing the material. It was rough and felt sturdy, nothing like the string that was currently on their sieves. "How'd you make this?"
"It's stiffened with metal. I'm hoping that it'll do a better job than what's there now."
"Brilliant, Lil J," he grinned, carefully taking the gift in his hands and gently running his finger over one of the wires.
"It's nothing," the man laughed, seeming pleased. "Let me know how it does, okay? I might be able to make an even better one if that works out."
"I will. Thank you very much, Jeremy," he hummed, and walked as fast as his leg allowed down to the sieves. He was excited. The string did an alright job, but it got tattered and didn't hold very strong. This metal that he held in his hands now was going to make his job so much easier.
He tore the string free, and carefully attached the new metal mesh, making sure that it was as tight as possible. Then, eagerly, he put it to the test.
Almost immediately, he was able to grab new items as the sand fell. He inspected each thing, turning it in his hands before dropping it into a bag. He'd bring it all to Jeremy for the man to look at. More than likely, he'd be able to use some of it to make something new.
As expected, Jeremy was standing over a furnace, watching it intensely. "Waiting for something?"
He startled, jolting as he turned around to look Gavin's way. "Hell, dude," he laughed.
In response, Gavin dropped the bag with a loud thud. "The mesh works," he explained happily, as Jeremy opened up the bag and began to look through it all, pulling out new items and placing them down before eagerly taking the next thing.
"I guess it works faster too," he observed, and Gavin nodded in agreement. "Ooh, I can do so much more shit now!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah! Thanks, Gav."
He laughed. "You built the damn thing. I just threw the sand through it."
Jeremy just waved one hand dismissively, his face still practically buried in the bag of new items. Gavin would be more inclined to argue, but he let it go this time. They were both in too much of a good mood to ruin it. So, he stood there and listened as the man looked over each item, and speculated about what it could be used for. Jeremy was smart, he realized. Well, he'd known it before, but Gavin had never seen him so deeply engrossed in his work before.
Each item he considered carefully, and occasionally jotted down notes about for later. It was incredibly ... amazing to watch. Jeremy put so much thought into everything that he did, and he knew that the man had definitely been lying when he said he was just throwing things together and getting lucky.
Eventually though, they were interrupted as Jack and Geoff both came over looking for more materials to build the farms up. Gavin had to lead them back downstairs and show them the new mesh that they could use now, and give them all the dirt they needed.
By the time he was free to go back upstairs, Jeremy was deeply focused on building something, so they weren't exactly able to hold a proper conversation. Once he was working something, he wasn't easily distracted.
So, sighing, he went to find Michael. He hadn't spent much time with his Boi since he and Jeremy had fallen off the world, and Gavin wanted to make sure that his friend wasn't still mad at them. He had a temper on the best of days, and that was fine enough to handle. But when he got so mad that he went silent, that was difficult.
He found Michael digging through a chest, fuming. Somehow, that wasn't surprising. "Where the fuck is it? I know I put the damn thing in here."
"Uh, what are you looking for?"
Not looking up, the man huffed angrily. "A sword. I thought I put it in a chest somewhere but now I can't fucking find it."
"Are you sure someone didn't take it?" Gavin certainly hadn't. He'd had the same one for a long time now, since he barely ever used it. It had been the first time in a long time when he went down after Jeremy, and it didn't break then, so with him it stayed. Still, it was always possible that the others had needed one. They all tended to just grab whatever they could find in the chests that they needed.
Sighing, he stood up straight and turned around. "I'll just make another one," he frowned. "So what's up, Gavin?"
"Jeremy made a new mesh for the sieves today," he said with a smile.
"Damn, how's it doing?"
"It's really good! I think he's still looking through all the new stuff I got from it."
Michael chuckled. "Sounds like you really made his day."
"You think so?" he replied, laughing along.
"Yeah. So, when are you two gonna bang, then?" Michael suddenly asked, one eyebrow raised and a teasing grin warping his features.
Gavin, in response, sputtered and nearly choked on his own spit. "M'sorry, what?"
Michael, the bastard, just laughed. "What do you mean 'what'? We all have to watch you two dance around one another like some awkward version of gay chicken. At least get to the good part and finally fuck."
"But - But -" he scrambled for something to say, but was left in silence. He liked Jeremy, sure, but he hadn't thought that he was being obvious about it or anything. Certainly not enough to be cornered by Michael. Besides, they were always so busy that they practically never saw one another. How would anyone realize that Gavin had a few small feelings for the man?
"Come on, Gavin. You're not that hard to read."
A momentary spark of fear hit him then. "So then Jeremy knows too?" he whined.
"You're admitting it?" he chuckled. "No, I don't think he does."
"Thank god," Gavin muttered, breathing a heavy sigh of relief. He didn't think he'd be able to handle it if he found out that Jeremy actually did know something about his feelings. "Wait, no! I'm not admitting anything!" he cried, suddenly realizing what he'd said.
"I think you just did," Michael teased
Frustrated, he collapsed down onto the chest that Michael had just been looking through. "Look, you can't tell him, okay?" Gavin was in the middle of coming to terms with it himself. He didn't need anything forced on him just because his friends decided to pay matchmaker.
"Why can't you just do it? It's not my job to," Michael said with a scoff, and he breathed a sigh of relief at the words.
Gavin was silent for a moment, thinking. Honestly, he really wasn't brave enough to do it. Jeremy was so ... wonderful at everything, and he couldn't compare to that. Besides, what if the man turned him down? He didn't want that embarrassment. Unfortunately, his words didn't reflect his thoughts well. "Because it's Jeremy!"
Michael, in response, just raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "That makes sense."
"But Michael! You know what I mean."
He laughed. "I actually don't. I'm not the one with a crush. And you're being pretty damn loud for someone who wants to keep a secret."
Gavin huffed, crossing his arms petulantly. "I don't know how to say anything to him about that."
"Uh, just say it? 'Hey, I really like you, now please fuck me?'"
"No!"
"I don't think he'd turn you down, Gavvy," the man hummed thoughtfully. He sounded very sincere all of a sudden, for all of the joking he'd done so far. "I meant it when I said you were both playing the gay chicken game."
"He's not into me, Michael."
Sighing, he shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said. "I've got to get to making that sword now, but you should think about it."
He waved a silent goodbye to his friend as he walked away. He would consider it, but there was really nothing to think about. Jeremy hadn't done anything to prove that he was romantically - or sexually - interested in Gavin. It was a frustrating situation.
But, they were perfectly fine as friends. The two of them got along and fit in well with the entire group. There was no reason for Gavin to go and ruin that. He could easily ignore the whole thing and just let it blow over.
With newfound confidence, he strolled to the area that Geoff had designated as the 'animal farm'. There was nothing there yet, but they were hopeful still that they'd have something soon. He spent the rest of the evening chatting with the older man, since everyone else was too busy to relax until late into the night.
That night, Gavin went to bed, and for some reason he couldn't stop thinking about his conversation with Michael. He'd resolved to do nothing about his feelings, but that didn't mean that they easily left him alone.
After tossing around for what felt like hours, he eventually prayed that he'd just pass out.
It must have worked, because not too long afterwards, he felt himself drifting off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
The last few nights, his dreams had felt faraway, barely tangible, as if he was simply floating in between sleep and consciousness. This time though, it felt far too real.
Gavin wasn't one for lucid dreaming, but as soon as he opened his eyes, he knew that wherever he was, it wasn't real. He was still on his bed, but what seemed like fog had covered the entire area, and anytime he focused on something, it seemed a bit fuzzy at the edges.
It was just strange enough to be a little frightening. It wasn't the type of dream that he normally experienced, and he was honestly lost in it. It just all felt ... off.
Despite what was probably his better judgement, Gavin found himself standing, and he walked slowly as he looked around. Everything had the same out-of-focus aura, but it all seemed to be the same as it was whenever he was awake. Nothing was different, or out of place. Well, except for one thing.
Nobody else was here. Walking around, he didn't see any of his friends anywhere; not in their beds, or even working on something late at night. It was eerie. Perhaps it was just due to being in a dream, but it was still odd that he'd be completely alone and lucid.
He could feel his heart rate spike, and was honestly just trying to keep himself calm by remembering that nothing was wrong. He'd wake up later and laugh that he was ever worried about a dumb dream.
"I'm sorry it's not exactly right. It's been quite a long time since I've done something like this."
Gavin screamed. Fast enough that he probably could have broken his neck, he spun around, finding himself face to face with an unrecognizable man. He wasn't really any taller than Gavin himself, but he boasted an imposing figure nonetheless. His light hair looked like it had been permanently blown back by a strong wind, and his eyes were the brightest blue that Gavin had ever seen. They were unnatural - practically glowing - and beautiful.
Damn, he really was dreaming. He stared, shocked still and unblinking, jut taking in the sight before him. Whoever this person was, he carried himself with a dignity and strength that wasn't only visible in stance. It could be felt too.
"Uh," he said, attempting to force the words out of his throat once he belatedly realized that what had scared him was this man speaking - saying something to him. "What?" he finally asked, taking a step back. he felt too close to this stranger, and it was suffocating. The weight of his presence was almost too much to bare, and Gavin was suddenly forced to come to terms with the fact that he might have not dreamt this up at all. Was that even possible?
"I'm sorry," the man repeated with a patient look on his face that said he'd likely expected to have to say the same thing twice. Well, that was just his own damn fault. With one hand, he gestured to the area around them. "This place, it looks the same, but it's not really complete. It's been a long time since I've needed to make a copy."
Gavin felt like he wasn't quite understanding the words that were being spoken to him. They were English, sure, but they held no meaning in this situation. "A copy?"
The man raised an eyebrow, and damn if that wasn't the best eyebrow he'd ever seen. "Yes? You live here, don't you? But it's obviously not the same."
Gavin, still lost, glanced around like there should be something off, but then it came to him. Of course it was all wrong! He'd noticed it all already! "Oh! You mean the ... fuzziness? And everyone's missing too."
The stranger smiled, obviously pleased that he'd figured it out. "That's it," he confirmed. "I'd wanted it to looked better but, well, I guess I'm out of practice." He chuckled then and sounded, somehow, bashful.
"Who are you?" Gavin asked, tired of being confused by this man who claimed to have created this place.
"Who am I to you?"
He blinked, shocked by the rebuttal, and the strangeness of it. "Uhm. Nobody? I don't know you."
He frowned then, crossing his arms over his chest. Gavin noticed his clothes then. They looked old. Not in the sense that they were tattered and worn, though. No, they were in impeccably perfect condition. Just ... vintage. Almost regal, in a sense. All black, red, and gold flowing fabric.
"Think about it," the man urged. "Who do you know that could make an entire world?"
It seemed almost like he was being teased, but Gavin obeyed anyway. Luckily, it didn't take long to find an answer. Who could make a world? Only one person - if they could be even called that - could accomplish such an act. "Are you," he paused, unsure for a moment. He still doubted that this was completely safe. "Are you the god that made this place and brought us here?"
"The very same," the god nodded.
"The one I've prayed to?"
"That's me."
"You bastard!"
It was a bit satisfying to see an expression of shock cross a god's face. Weren't they supposed to know everything?
"Excuse me?" he asked, eyes wide.
"You left us with nothing! Just a block of dirt barely wide for all of us to stand on! Aren't gods supposed to be helpful?" Perhaps this was a dangerous course of action. If this guy was a god, then he could obviously do a multitude of things to end Gavin's life without even lifting a finger. But, well, he'd done his praying, and his faith had technically been validated. If the guy's gonna come and appear in a mere mortal's dream, he might as well answer some damn questions.
"Gavin," he began, in a tone that seemed far too gentle of a response to yelling. "I've done many thing for you. I'm sure you can think of a few, though there are some I'm sure you never realized." He moved - with perfect grace, and Gavin was transfixed - over to a chest, and seated himself on top of it, crossing his legs at the ankles, and leaving his arms crossed over his chest. Gavin, for his part, stayed standing in the same spot, not willing to move.
"Gods' powers are more limited that you likely realize. We're not perfect beings. Powerful, yes. I can create worlds at will, as I've shown you twice. But I can only do so much. Gods rely on mortals a lot."
"What could you need from us?" Gavin asked, doubtful.
"Belief," the man replied, shrugging. "I need your faith. Your trust. Prayers, thanks, wishes," he listed, counting them off one by one on his fingers.
Gavin blinked, surprised. He was unsure exactly what to make of that. What benefit did belief and prayers give to a god? They were immortal and powerful already.
"Think of it as an exchange, if that helps you understand it."
"What?" Had the god read his mind?
If he had, he did't comment, or give any answer regarding it. "I can make things for myself, like an empty world. That's easy. But to do things for you, that's harder. I need something in exchange, or it doesn't work right. It's honestly just a real hassle." He stopped then, humming like he was thinking over something. "Jeremy and the others like to tell you that you're blessed. You get luckier, heal faster. Do you know why?"
Gavin didn't have to think long about that one. "Because I pray."
"Yes, you pray. Not just when you need something, or when your life's gone wrong. Everyday I hear your thoughts and feelings. I'm able to help you more than anyone else because, even when you weren't sure if there was someone there listening, you still spoke to me." The god smiled gently. "Thank you for that."
He blinked, surprised. "What're you thanking me for?"
The god smiled, and it almost looked sad. "I'm not the most well worshiped god, you know. It's nice to have someone speak directly to me once in a while."
"Why're you not worshiped?" Gavin prodded, curious now, and unable to stop himself from seeking any information that the strange man - god - would willingly give.
He chuckled. "There's not that many of you here, you know. Other gods, in other worlds of their creation, have many more mortals who pray to them regularly. Besides being so few, most of you aren't that devout."
"Wouldn't that be easy to fix? Just preform a miracle or something," he said, waving one hand around, as if it would add to the importance of his point.
"Exchange, Gavin," the god said, and he pouted upon remembering the purpose that the prayers had in the first place. "Besides, I've already preformed more than one miracle."
He looked off then, over Gavin's shoulder, and sighed. "I believe you're due to wake up, now."
"Wait, no!" he exclaimed, not quite ready to end this conversation yet. It all seemed to be going by too fast. "Isn't this a dream? Can't those last longer than real life? It can't be time to wake up yet."
"This isn't technically a dream. It's a form of reality."
Well, that was a borderline cryptic answer, and Gavin pursed his lips in response. "But I wasn't done talking."
To his surprise, the god suddenly laughed. It was loud, like he hadn't expected it any more than Gavin. It was also one of the most wonderful things the mortal had ever heard. Once again, he was struck by a sense of awe. By just talking, one couldn't really get a sense of the difference between a human and a god, but in moments like this, it was clear how superior one was to the other. He could only stare in wonderment.
"If you'd like to talk to me more, I'll visit you again," he said with a sly smile. "I obviously need to work on my world building a little anyway." As he spoke, he gestured with one hand around himself. The fuzziness of everything was still very prevalent. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse. "It's time to wake up now, Gavin."
"Wait!," he said, again, and the god raised an eyebrow. he wasn't clamoring for an excuse to have extra time or anything, really. "You didn't tell me your name or anything!"
"Ryan," he replied, and it was strange. So simple. So human, but Gavin grinned anyway.
"Okay, Ryan," he said, repeating the name and testing how it felt on his tongue. It was good, a lovely name.
The god - Ryan - in an absurdly human gesture, waved goodbye, and Gavin couldn't help but to grin and wave back.
~~~~~~~~~~
He opened his eyes, which he hadn't even realized he'd closed, and found himself staring at the bright morning sky, like he hadn't just been up speaking with a god.
Another form of reality, he reminded himself. He was inclined to believe Ryan, even though he'd said it hadn't been a dream and Gavin still somehow felt like he'd slept. Some questions were just too great for mortal understanding, it seemed.
He practically had to drag his own body out of bed in order to stop himself from simply laying there. If he waited long enough and eventually fell asleep, he wondered, would Ryan be there again? It was an odd feeling; to be suddenly so obsessed with someone he'd just met. Gavin would be the first to admit that he was rather quick to get along with certain people, if they clicked together right, personality-wise. Maybe Ryan was that kind of person?
Then again, he was a god, and Gavin wasn't sure if that could really apply to him. Was it possible to click with a god?
It was frustrating. He'd been getting answers, having a conversation, only to be suddenly pulled away and snapped back to the true reality that he knew. Now he was just left with the memory of speaking to something much greater to himself, and nobody to share that knowledge. Ryan had been right; Gavin really was the only devout one among them.
Although, Jeremy was ... more likely to believe than the rest. Ryan had said he'd preformed miracles already, and Gavin could think of a very recent one. They'd joked about it at the time, but of course it was just their luck that it would turn out to be true.
A god had saved them.
And, if what that god said about exchange was true, then maybe there was more than one believer among them.
With that thought in mind, he was finally eager to get moving for the day. And for once, he was thankful for the fact that they all tended to work so far apart from one another. Normally, he didn't like that Jeremy was so far away from him, but Gavin would be going to the man, and he was quite glad for the bit of privacy. He didn't even know what the others would say if they heard him talking about meeting their god. Thinking about it almost made him laugh, in a very 'it's not funny' sort of way.
He found Jeremy hunched over a book, his eyes trained on the words written upon the pages. "Jeremy?" he probed, and the man looked up suddenly, having obviously been caught by surprise.
"Hey, Gav!" he said, smiling widely. "What's up?"
"What are you reading?" he asked, momentarily curiosity taking precedence in his mind. He couldn't remember ever seeing that book before.
"Oh, this?" he asked, tapping a finger on the open page. "I don't know yet. It's like ... a guide to build something. I'm not sure what it is yet, though."
"Is it safe?"
"Should be. Doesn't look too dangerous so far," he shrugged, finally flipping the cover over and closing the book. The front was remarkably plain and unrevealing.
"Where'd you get that from, anyway?"
"Michael gave it to me. Apparently, one of the monsters dropped it."
Gavin snorted in laughter. "Was it reading?"
Jeremy laughed along with him, shaking his head. "What would it need to read?" he finally hummed, once their giggles had subsided. "What're you doing over here, though?"
His curiosity sated for the moment, Gavin recalled why he'd walked over in the first place. (Not like he'd forgotten, of course. Not really. He just got momentarily distracted.) "You won't ... tell anyone, right?" he questioned, suddenly very serious. He trusted Jeremy as much as one person could trust another, but it was still better to check and be safe. Gavin still wasn't positive that he was sane at this point.
Caught off guard, Jeremy's eyes widened. "Uh, no? No, of course not. Why?"
"Because it's crazy, Jer!" he murmured in frustration.
"Gav, what happened?"
Sighing, he took a moment to collect his thoughts, inhaled deeply, and began the story of last night's dream. He attempted to be as detailed as possible, but some of it seemed to be a bit lost in his memory. He'd been scared at first, and then just absolutely shocked. The minute details of the situation hadn't seemed important at the time, but now that he couldn't recall them properly, Gavin began to doubt the reliability of his memories.
He didn't share any of those thoughts with Jeremy, though. Just the dream, or 'altered reality' he'd experienced.
After he'd spilled all that had happened before he'd woken up, the man remained oddly silent. After seconds ticked on into minutes, Gavin began to feel a bit worried. "Jeremy?"
That, at least, seemed to shock him out of the silent trance he'd appeared to be under. "What the fuck." he whispered, voice monotone and flat. "Are you serious? This isn't some joke, is it?"
Gavin didn't know how to reassure him that it had all been real. "You know it isn't."
"You met a god, and his name was Ryan. And this god came to thank you for praying and allowing him to preform miracles?"
"I - I guess? I mean, that's what he told me, but I don't know if that's why he came," Gavin replied with a frown, crossing his arms over his chest. "He was cryptic."
"No offense, but that sounds absolutely insane."
Gavin's face fell, and his chest felt like it was breaking apart. He wouldn't have been surprised if his heart stopped beating for a second or two as well. "What?" he whispered. Had he been wrong to think that Jeremy could understand, and maybe even believe him?
"But," the man sighed. "I trust you. It'd be a little weird if I didn't, since it's a miracle that I'm even alive right now."
Instantly, Gavin's eyes drifted down to Jeremy's chest. The sight of those barely healed wounds had been frightening and heart wrenching, and he still didn't like to think about them. About Jeremy dying.
"You do?" he asked, nervously lifting his eyes back up to meet the other man's.
"Well, yeah," he shrugged. "I don't have a reason not to."
"Besides the fact that it sounds absolutely insane?" Gavin asked, chucking weakly.
"Besides that," he confirmed. "I believe you. I doubt that everyone else will, though."
"I wasn't going to tell them," he said, feeling so overwhelmingly relieved that Jeremy wasn't dismissing everything he'd said and calling him crazy. The weight on his chest disappeared, and finally he felt as though he could breath easy. "But thank you for trusting me."
Jeremy grinned. "No problem, Gav. Y'know I've always trusted you, it'd be stupid to stop now."
Gavin raised his eyebrows, surprised. Always? He was doubtful of that. Why would Jeremy trust him, even way back before they were actually good friends?
The man seemed to sense his disbelief, because he laughed, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "It's true," he defended.
"Are you sure?"
"What? Of course I'm fucking sure!"
The intensity of the declaration made him smile. "Alright, alright," he conceded, putting up both hands in 'surrender'.
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
"What do you mean?"
Jeremy shrugged. "I mean, you talked to God. Are you gonna keep praying?"
"Of course. I prayed when I didn't even know he was real. Why would I stop now?"
"But wasn't it weird? Talking to a god?"
Gavin frowned slightly. It had been weird. The feeling of coming face to face with something much more powerful than yourself still rested in his gut, like a lingering anxiety that something would go wrong. But, at the same time, Ryan's personality didn't seem to fit his image. Of course, that could have all been a lie, but Gavin was willing to take the risk. He still had questions, after all.
"Yeah, it was, but it's also cool, innit? Not everyone gets a chance to talk to a god."
Jeremy laughed. "It was cool," he mimicked, obviously amused.
"You don't think so?"
Jeremy was silent for a moment "... kinda," he grumbled, and Gavin smiled like he'd won.
"See? I bet you want to talk to him too now."
"Listen, if a god made a new reality or whatever the fuck, just so they could speak to me, I wouldn't tell 'em to leave."
"Do you think he'll come back?"
"Seriously? Why wouldn't he? He said that he would."
Gavin nodded slowly. Jeremy was brilliant at reassurance. "You're right."
The conversation slowly dissolved after that. They had nothing left but speculation anymore, since Gavin had shared everything he knew. He was thankful though, that Jeremy had been so willing to listen and believe in him. Even as someone who prayed, it still seemed crazy. He couldn't understand why either. Ryan had said that he didn't get worshiped much, but did that mean he needed to pay a personal visit to the single person that spoke to him? It was too crazy.
He settled for letting things be, though. What had happened had happened, and Gavin didn't feel as though it would be wise to question the whims of a god.
Eventually, he left Jeremy to whatever instructions were written in the book Michael had found, and went back downstairs to his usual jobs. Absentmindedly, he speculated praying to Ryan for a better set of responsibilities. If the god was in the mood to give to the people that believed in him, then maybe he'd be willing to send Gavin a spark of inspiration?
He wistfully ruminated on the thought, but eventually let it go. It felt wrong, like he would somehow be taking advantage of the god, just because Gavin knew he really existed now.
Instead, he settled on something better, but similarly distracting. He though about his conversation with Jeremy. He was so, so glad that the man was eager to trust him. Honestly though, it didn't help to diminish his growing feelings that he was desperately trying to ignore. No matter what Michael said, he still didn't have the courage to say anything. They were friends.
Just because Jeremy was willing to believe he'd had a conversation with a god didn't mean that he liked Gavin. He refused to put his faith into something so unlikely.
The rest of the day passed by slowly as Gavin impatiently waited for night to fall. He wanted to fall asleep again and see if Ryan would show up like the night before.
He could tell the others thought he was acting strange - he tended to talk with them much longer - but he excused himself as early as possible, feigning a headache, and retired to bed.
To his surprise - or, maybe not - he opened his eyes to a fuzzy sky. It seemed as though Ryan hadn't fixed the quality of this copy world he'd made. Gavin didn't care though. He wasn't here to see the scenery.
This time, when he heard a voice, he didn't jump. Well, he did, but it was more from surprise than actual fear this time.
Ryan appeared before him, showing off as he seemed to materialized from the air itself. "Hello, Gavin," he greeted in a pleasant, even tone.
"Hey, Ryan."
"I have a gift for you," the god said with no preamble as he settled down, seating himself upon a furnace this time. Gavin couldn't help himself from wondering if he'd even notice whether the fire was on or not. It wasn't, of course, but could fire even harm a god if it had been?
"What is it?" he asked, unable to stop himself from being excited.
With a flourish, Ryan reached one hand behind his back before pulling forward a giant book. "I hear your wishes and desires, you know," he hummed.
Carefully, Gavin stepped forward and took the book - using both hands of course because it was fucking heavy. He stared at the cover, but it was blank, much like Jeremy's had been. "What is it?" he repeated.
"A new job," Ryan answered simply. "Open it."
Placing it down on the nearest surface, which happened to be a chest, Gavin slowly opened to the first page. "Solar?" he read, questioningly looking up to the god.
"You wanted something to do that was a step up from dirt. I think you'll enjoy this."
Gavin looked back down and began to read, eagerly absorbing all the information from the book. Flipping through it, the meaning of the words on the latter pages was lost to him, but he gathered a simple understanding of the first few. "We can gather energy from sunlight?"
"With these panels you can," Ryan agreed with a nod. "This book will tell you everything you need to know about solar energy and how to make the panels you'll require to gather it."
"I - thank you," he stammered, unsure of what he could say that would properly convey how grateful he felt.
Ryan smiled wide, his eyes practically shining. "You're welcome, of course. I think you still have questions for me, though."
"How could I not," Gavin murmured. He was speaking with a god; immortal and all-knowing. He couldn't see himself ever running out of questions.
"Then ask," he chuckled.
"Have you been the god of other worlds?" Really, they hadn't been here all that long, and were, in fact, just beginning to figure out how things worked. If Ryan was an immortal, then surely he had to be doing something before them.
"Many, years ago," he replied. "Perhaps you'll be pleased to know that you five are my only responsibility, currently."
Gavin smiled. "I kinda am, actually. What happened to them?"
"The other worlds?" At Gavin's nod, he continued; "They all fell eventually. Centuries, millenniums, eons pass, but one day, all worlds come to an end."
That wasn't really an answer than he liked, and the sudden darkness that overtook Ryan's tone was frightening, but he understood, too. Gavin wouldn't deny that all things came to an end, eventually. Life was just like that, no matter how long one tried to prolong it. "Did you get worshiped more in those worlds?"
Ryan hummed. "Something like that, yes."
Cryptic. Again. Were all gods like that, or was it just this one?
Other gods ... "Do other gods go and talk to people who pray to them?"
He raised an eyebrow, grinning like Gavin had said something funny. "Ah, not that often. As I said, most have more subjects who are devout. That'd be a big responsibility, don't you think? I don't believe that they're adverse, though. Just ... content with the worlds they've got."
"Are you not?"
"Oh, no, I am. You all have a long way to go, though."
"Like with these?" Gavin asked, pointing to the book that still laid open on the chest.
"Those and a lot more," he nodded. "Jeremy is ... on the track of something as well." Ryan's face took on a distorted expression as he spoke, almost as if he was uncomfortable, and Gavin frowned in confusion.
"Is it something ... bad?"
"Not necessarily. I just didn't think he'd figure it out so soon."
Gavin thought then, his mind drifting back to the book he'd seen Jeremy so focused on. He realized now that it looked remarkably similar to the one Ryan had given him now. "Did you make that book? Like this one?"
"Yes. I expected that it would find its way to Jeremy."
"Expected, or did you just make it find him?"
Ryan grinned. "You'll never know," he replied with a wink.
"What?" he cried. "I though you said I could ask all my questions!"
"You can. I'm answering them, aren't I?" Ryan said, a sinister grin on his face that Gavin most certainly did not like. Nope. Not at all.
"Not properly. Are you being mysterious on purpose?"
"I'm immortal. Can't I have some fun once in a while?"
Gavin sighed, but conceded. He didn't have any good retorts to that. "What about the the other guys. Are they on the track of something?"
Ryan nodded. "In general, yes. Some of them have a longer way to go than others."
He raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "Really? Who is it?"
"Gavin, I can't spoil the whole future for you."
He pouted, crossing his arms lightly. "Can't you give me a hint?" he tried to bribe.
Ryan, in a very ungodly manner, rolled his eyes. "One of them will develop a strong love for chickens," he said, a proud smile on his face, like he just knew Gavin would be caught off guard by the statement.
He probably had known, the bastard. Then again though, it was very unexpected. "A love for ... chickens," Gavin repeated. "That doesn't sound like a good future at all."
"Eh, it's not so bad," Ryan chuckled.
"I know you're not talking about Jeremy or Michael." After all, Jeremy had whatever was in that mysterious book, and Gavin would be damned if Michael developed any sort of strong attachment to a chicken.
Ryan just grinned again. "You'll find out eventually."
"So, do you know everything about the future?"
"No. Not everything. Small details, if I have no direct influence on them, can change easily. That's why Jeremy has the book now, rather than later. I planned on it being found, just not the specifics of how."
"Wouldn't that effect the things you do plan on?"
"It doesn't matter much how you get there. It's the end result that matters, and that always remains the same."
"If you want it to."
"If I want it to," he agreed with a nod.
"That's brilliant."
Ryan seemed pleased. "You think so?"
"Of course I do! You can do whatever you want!"
"Well, I am a god."
"Bloody lucky is what you are."
He frowned slightly, but didn't voice any disagreement. Gavin got the idea though, from his changed demeanor, that Ryan didn't really agree with that statement. He couldn't think of why. Gods seemed like they had the most convenient lifestyle; far superior to a mortal's.
"Do you have any other questions? I believe it's time I left for the evening."
Gavin blinked in surprise. "What? Already?"
"You do need to properly rest, Gavin."
"Will you come back tomorrow night?"
Ryan chewed his bottom lip for a moment. "If you'd like me to."
"I do!"
"You just have more questions about the future, don't you?" the god asked in a knowing tone as he stood from his seat upon the furnace.
"No!" he retorted, falling quiet for a few seconds. "Some of them are about the past, too."
Ryan laughed. "Go to sleep."
"Wait, what about this book?" he asked, closing and picking up the one he'd been given. If this world wasn't the same as the one he normally resided in, would he still have it whenever he woke up?
"It'll be with you."
"Thank you again, Ryan."
"You're welcome. Good night, Gavin," he said with a smile, waving goodbye, just like he'd done the night before. In one blink of an eye he disappeared from sight, and Gavin felt himself quickly growing tired as the clarity of the world gradually worsened. As his surroundings started to fade, he slowly fell asleep.
-Chapter 2-
Over the next few weeks, Gavin devoted himself to following the instructions laid out in the book Ryan had provided him. Upon waking up that morning, he'd found it on the floor next to his bed, and had immediately gone to work on the first steps of building a solar panel. It was ... difficult. At first, he didn't have all the materials, and he'd needed to rely on Jeremy to help him figure out where to find them.
They all seemed to make great strides toward larger projects. Jack's farm grew large enough to support them practically endlessly, and Michael had managed to take a bunch of torches down below them, effectively lighting it up enough that if anyone needed to go down, they wouldn't be ambushed.
He even figured out who the chicken lover was. unsurprisingly, it had been Geoff, who figured out he could keep and breed them to discover new types, which laid different items. Gavin himself was skeptical about how these chickens came to be, but he let it go. The older man seemed content to stay on his farm at all times, and nobody ever bothered to interrupt him.
Jeremy was the only mystery. Gavin continuously saw the progress on whatever he was making from that book Ryan had sent his way, but he never seemed willing to say what it actually was. Eventually, he gave up on asking.
It hurt a little bit, since he always shared the progress on his solar panels, but he let it go, assuming the man would tell him whenever it was finished. It seemed to be much more complicated than the panels, at least.
And Ryan was something new that he was growing used to as they days went on. The god seemed to be a constant presence in his life now, appearing every night to speak with him.
Mostly, their conversations consisted of Gavin asking questions, and Ryan picking and choosing which ones he wanted to answer. Specifics about the future were a no-go, as were most things about the god's past. He refused to answer anything that he claimed 'gave away too much information'. Anything else though, was completely welcome. Even stupid rhetorical things that had no point.
And Gavin enjoyed it. As weird as it was, he considered the god to be a close friend. Not only did he pray, he also found himself talking to Ryan at random times during the day. Whenever he was alone, fiddling with the solar panels or trying to build something else new, he would talk in his head, the thoughts directed at the god rather than himself. He knew Ryan was listening, after all.
Unfortunately though, that would sometimes backfire for the both of them. Gavin sometimes forgot in the middle of doing something that he'd actually been speaking to Ryan, and would interrupt his own thoughts with some random song or idea, which the god would then claim got stuck in his head. Out of annoyance, he would refuse to answer any fun questions that night. Even Gavin's pouting did nothing to change his mind.
All things considered though, Gavin was happy.
Happy except for one thing. "It's been weeks, Gav! Say something already."
"Michael, I'm not going to and you damn well know it," he insisted as he walked with the man across the downstairs area of their rapidly growing world.
The man huffed, a frown clear as day on his face. "Why not? Jeremy would die for you, dude! Ask him the fuck out."
"No!"
"Why?" he repeated.
"I still don't think he's interested. I mean, he won't even tell me what he's been building all this time." Sure, Gavin attempted to stay positive about it, telling himself that Jeremy would reveal everything when he was ready, but it was still discouraging. Maybe that was just selfish, though.
"So what? You still want to fuck him. Just do it."
"You're the worst, Michael. Shut it."
Michael, in response, ignored the protests entirely and just laughed. "Why would I do that?"
"Ugh," Gavin scoffed, but he was smiling. As annoying as it was, he knew that Michael meant well and wanted him to just go after what he wanted. Honestly though, he was perfectly happy with what he had. Jeremy was a friend, and that was all he needed.
He absolutely didn't need anything more.
Not at all.
~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm tired of hearing you think about Jeremy, Gavin. Just tell him you like him, already."
"Not you too," Gavin moaned, collapsing down onto the bed. He stared up at the wall, which had grown much clearer over time as Ryan perfected the little world he'd made for them to talk in.
"You can't keep it a secret forever," the god huffed from the wall that he'd sat upon. Long ago he'd claimed to have grown tired of just appearing behind Gavin like some sort of ghost, so now he took to showing up wherever he pleased.
"You keep secrets," he countered, tilting his head back to glance up at Ryan.
"I'm entitled to my secrets."
"That sounds hypocritical."
"This is a secret you have no reason for keeping besides the fact that you're nervous."
"Shut the hell up, Ryan!" he shouted, receiving only giggles in return. He felt the bed dip down, and knew that the god had sat down next to him.
"I'm quite serious, Gavin. I would like nothing more than to see you happy." the god's tone had changed dramatically between the two statements, instantly drawing Gavin's complete attention.
He lifted himself back up into a sitting position where they could properly face one another. "Would he really not reject me?"
Ryan ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "He wouldn't."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Seriously?"
"Gavin," he said, voice harsh and commanding, eyes glowing. Gavin's mouth snapped shut. "You're not proposing to him, you know."
"I know," he muttered, dropping his gaze to his hands, where he twisted the bed covers nervously. He wanted to, of course he did. It was just difficult to bring himself up to the task. Ignoring it was just far easier, even if it hurt worse over time.
He supposed though, that it might be best to listen to a god. Ryan had never steered him wrong before. His assurance was actually a large confidence boost, and Gavin fell asleep that night with a new determination.
In the morning, he walked over to where Jeremy was working on his mystery project with no doubts that the man would be there. As expected, he was right.
"Hey, Gav," Jeremy called with a wave when he noticed Gavin's approach. "What do you think?" he asked, gesturing to whatever he was building.
Admittedly, it was impressive, even if Gavin didn't know it's purpose. Although, it did have a bit of a foreboding aura. He had to wonder if it really wasn't dangerous. "Looks good, J. Still don't know what it is, though."
"You will soon. I'm almost done with this part of it."
"Finally?"
"Yup!" he declared with a proud grin, his hands resting on his hips. "Just a few more blocks and then it's ready."
"Well, congratulations, then," he hummed.
"Thanks. What did you come here for, though? Need something else for a solar panel?"
"Not this time. I actually wanted to ask you something." Ah, there were the nerves again. Despite the fact that he'd chosen to believe in Ryan's words, he still hadn't completely erased all of the worries. The churning in his gut almost made him take back the words, but he forced himself to keep going, even if it was only to stop the nagging.
Jeremy waited patiently, a curious look on his face as Gavin struggled through the first few words. "I uh ... would you maybe ... I wanted to say .. Dammit!" he complained, frustrated at himself. "Look, I don't know a good way to say this, alright? I'm really nervous right now and I like you a lot, Jeremy."
His face was beet red as he waited for a response. Jeremy was silent for a long time, and Gavin was pretty sure that he'd shocked him.
"Uh, like me like ... like like me?"
Gavin nodded, and the man's eyes widened, his mouth falling open slightly.
"Fuck I- damn." he laughed, scratching his chin. "Now you've made me nervous." With a deep breath, he looked Gavin directly in the eyes, his gaze heavy. "I like like you too," he said, a small smile growing at the corners of his mouth.
"What? You do?"
"Yes, you idiot! Of course I do!"
Gavin couldn't stop himself, even if he'd wanted to, from squealing and throwing himself at Jeremy. The shorter man easily held up his weight though, even if he did have to stumble back from the unexpectedness of it. "You're heavy, Gav," he muttered.
"You can hold me up easy," he replied, feeling as though they had to whisper because of their new closeness to one another.
Jeremy seemed to feel the same, because his reply was at the same volume. "Not for long," he hummed, slowly dropping his arms, letting Gavin slide down his legs.
"No, Jeremy, no!" he giggled, dropping his feet at the last moment to stop himself from landing on his ass. "You dropped me," he whined, although he still sounded too happy for that play to work.
"Yup," the man replied, sounding like he didn't regret a thing.
As he gazed at the other, Gavin couldn't stop the incredibly relieved feeling that washed through him. "I'm glad I finally told you," he admitted quietly.
"How long have you waited?" Jeremy asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Weeks. Probably longer, I dunno."
"Fucking weeks?" he asked, astounded. "Shit dude, you could have told me ages ago!"
"I didn't know how you'd respond," he grumbled, and Jeremy walked closer, wrapping his arms around Gavin's waist and tugging until their chests were pressed together. Gavin draped his arms across the man's shoulders, and enjoyed the fact that they could be this close now, or whenever they wanted! It was amazing.
"The same as I did now," he replied.
"You're lying!"
"Not at all," he grinned, his head tilted up to see Gavin's face as they spoke. "Did anyone else know?"
"About me liking you? Michael did, and he said Jack and Geoff did too, but they never said anything to me. Oh, and Ryan too."
"Ryan did?" Jeremy questioned. "Well, I guess that's not surprising, since he'd a god and all."
Gavin chuckled. "He's the one who finally got me to ask you."
"Oh? I'll have to thank him, then." He lifted himself up further, and Gavin smiled, wondering if he ever did actually speak with the god. Neither of them had mentioned it, but it could just be another secret. He was in too good of a mood to ponder too deeply, though.
"What d'ya want, J?" he asked with a laugh.
"Get down here, loser," the man complained, and Gavin easily followed the request, tilting his head and pressing his lips gently against Jeremy's. They kissed for a few long moments before slowly pulling away.
"Someone's gonna come over here and see us," Gavin murmured.
"So?"
Well, he didn't really have a so. It was just a comment. He wasn't exactly sure if he wanted the others to find out they were together by walking in on them kissing, but he wouldn't be angry about it, either. "Nothing. Just saying."
"Hmm." Jeremy released his grip on him then, taking a step back. "Geoff needs some wood for his chicken pens and I promised I'd get it for him before noon."
"Well, I'll go bother Michael until then, I guess."
Jeremy laughed. "Hey, if you come back here later tonight, I'll probably be done with this thing," he said, gesturing to the large structure behind him.
"Oh? Will you finally tell me what it is?"
"You've earned the right now, I think."
"Oh, do I finally have security clearance, Mr. Dooley?"
"You do, Mr. Free. Access granted," he teased. "Seriously though, once it's done I can actually show you what it does. As long as it works ..."
"Nice confidence."
"Well, I haven't had a way to test it yet."
"I'll be sure to be back here later, then," Gavin promised. He was a bit excited now, if he was being honest. Not only had he finally gotten to tell Jeremy how he felt, he was finally going to discover the purpose of the mysterious structure the man had been working on for the past weeks. Ryan had admitted to writing the book, but hadn't given any hints on what it was. He hadn't even ever commented on the man's building progress.
He bid Jeremy goodbye then. They didn't kiss, but Gavin felt as though there was a silent promise of more later. He looked forward to it as he walked back downstairs.
On the way, he ran into Michael. "What're you doing down here?" he asked.
"Looking for you," he replied, looking Gavin up and down. "Jack wanted to know if he could have a solar panel to use."
"Why couldn't Jack ask?"
"Fuck if I know. He's too lazy to leave whatever he's doing, I guess. Him and Geoff are just the same, honestly." Gavin could sense the annoyance, and honestly, he understood it. As they developed new things and created more space, they grew further and further apart.
"Sure, I'll make him a solar panel. Does he want a strong one or what?"
"Does it matter? Just make him whatever."
"Michael, are you in a bad mood today?"
"What? No," he insisted.
"If you say so."
"Well, I had to wait for your late ass. Where the hell were you?"
"Hmm, talking to Jeremy," he replied, looking into a chest for the materials he would need to craft a solar panel. Unfortunately, he didn't have any spare ones he could just give away. Fortunately, the build would be something to distract him until he went to see the man again later.
"Oh? How did that go?"
"It ended with making out, so pretty good." It hadn't been anywhere near intense enough to qualify as making out but he wanted to see Michael's reaction. It was worth it too.
Uh, What the fuck? Are you serious?" he shouted. "I'm gonna kick your ass! You could have been gross and making out for weeks now, but you were too chickenshit to listen to me!"
Gavin laughed loudly, clenching his sides as he watched the expressions shift across Michael's face. At first he seemed legitimately angry, but eventually he began to smile, and even laughed too.
"Damn, Gavin," he muttered, obviously annoyed by how stupid he'd been, despite laughing. "I'm happy for you, though. Don't have sex where I can hear."
A furious blush overtook Gavin's face and he frowned. "Shut up," he grumbled, officially done with this part of the conversation. He didn't want to talk about his love life with Michael anymore. Thankfully, they easily moved on to another topic as he began the construction process of Jack's solar panel.
The day passed easily as they kept one another company, and it wasn't long before he finished a nice, second level panel. It wasn't the strongest, but he had no idea what it was needed for, and higher levels were still difficult or even impossible to make. If Jack needed more power, Gavin could just make more panels.
"I'll take this to him, Gav," Michael offered.
"Really? Thanks, Boi," he replied, handing over the panel to the other man, who held it carefully with both hands.
"No problem. Go hang out with your gay boyfriend," he teased.
Gavin just stuck out his tongue. "I will, thanks," he laughed. He watched as Michael left with the solar panel before throwing all the unused materials in the chest they'd come from. It was a bit of a rushed job but, well, he was excited, okay?
Once everything had - only mildly haphazardly - been put away, he made his way over to where Jeremy worked. He found the man laying a block down on his project, which looked a lot more complete than when he'd seen it just a few hours ago.
"Oh, Gav! You're here," he called, looking up from what he was doing.
"Do I get to hear about this, now? Are you finished?"
"Yup, you got here just in time," Jeremy replied, standing up and walking over to stand before Gavin. He reached out and locked their hands together before pulling him forward. "Come look."
They stood together on the red stone as Gavin took in the sight of ... whatever it was. This was the closest he'd ever been to it. "What is it?" he asked.
Jeremy was silent for a few seconds. "You won't freak out, will you?"
Gavin furrowed his eyebrows together, confused. "Freak out? Why? What is it, Lil J?"
"It just sounds weird it all," he chuckled nervously, using his free hand to run at the back of his neck. "It's called a blood altar."
Gavin blinked, opened his mouth to respond, and then shut it again. He didn't exactly know what to say to that. He couldn't figure out if he was mad, scared, or intrigued. He settled on all three and eventually stammered out a "w-what?"
"A blood altar. The book Michael gave me, it was all about blood magic, but to do any of that, you need to have one, so I built it."
"Ryan wrote that book," was the first thing he could think to respond with.
"I know," Jeremy nodded.
"Wait, you do?"
"Mmhm," he hummed.
"You talked to him?"
Jeremy smiled sheepishly. "Once or twice. He doesn't visit me every night like you."
Gavin was astounded, and once again, he couldn't figure out if he was mad or not. "He never told me."
"I know," Jeremy repeated, rubbing his thumb across Gavin's as he spoke. Somehow, that managed to relax him a bit.
"Well, how does it work, then?" he asked with a sigh.
"The altar?"
"Yeah. What do you do?"
Jeremy took a few steps away and walked to the chest he had nearby. he rummaged through it for a few seconds before pulling something out. "First, you need one of these."
As Gavin focused on the object, he realized that it was, in fact, a knife. Or, more accurately, a dagger.
"It's called a sacrificial dagger," Jeremy explained, walking closer so that Gavin could see it properly.
"What, a sword or something won't work?" he asked, frowning at the blade.
"Apparently not," he shrugged. "The book doesn't specify why. Ask Ryan."
"So then what?"
"Then you bleed. See that dish?" he asked, pointing to a shallow pot at the center of the altar. "The blood goes in there, and then you can use it for magic and stuff."
"You have to ... cut yourself. And bleed into the bowl," he repeated, staring at it suspiciously.
"Basically."
"That's ... damn. That's bloody frightening, J."
He nodded. "I know. I wasn't worried about it when I was building it, but its a lot scarier now," he said, chuckling nervously.
"You're not gonna actually do it, are you?"
"Yeah, I am," he said, after only a moment's hesitation.
"Wait, seriously?"
"Well I spent all this time building this damn thing, I'm at least going to see if it works."
"But Jeremy! You can't just injure yourself like that," he protested, worrying furiously at his bottom lip.
"The first spell doesn't need a lot of blood. It'll be fine," he said, stepping up to stand before the bowl.
Gavin only watched in worry, forced silent by the fact that he knew Jeremy wouldn't listen now that he'd set his mind to this. He spent all this time constructing the altar, knowing what it was. He'd obviously been planning on doing this for a long time.
Jeremy took a deep breath and extending his arm out over the bowl, holding the dagger tightly in his other hand. "Ready?" he asked, looking over at Gavin.
"What are you asking me?" he replied, swallowing nervously.
He shrugged once, before closing his eyes and dragging the blade's edge over his skin from his elbow to his wrist. Gavin flinched at the sight as he watched the blood fall onto the altar. The stones glowed faintly at the first drop; a horrifying dull red that illuminated Jeremy's face and arms. It glinted off the shining metal of the knife, and Gavin tore his gaze away, unable to look any more as the blood continued to flow.
It hadn't been a life threatening cut, but Jeremy had still gone deep across his entire arm. After a few seconds, he chanced another peek, and he saw the man still standing there, his hand curled tightly into a fist and a pained scowl on his faced as he watched the blood drip, drip, drip down and collect into the bowl. It filled up quickly, and then Jeremy was pulling his arm back. He dropped the blade and it clattered on the ground as he pressed his own arm into his chest in an effort to stop the blood flow.
Gavin rushed to his side and pulled off his shirt without a second thought. He tugged at Jeremy's arm, urging the man to allow him a look. He complied, and Gavin inspected the wound. It was deep and still bleeding freely, but hopefully Ryan would heal it. Without waiting for any miracles though, he wrapped his shirt tightly around Jeremy's arm, covering the entire cut. "There," he whispered, still cradling the arm in his two hands.
"Thank you," the man murmured, slowly pulling back until it was just his hand in Gavin's grasp.
"Why would you do that?"
"Wanted to test the altar," he murmured, obviously feeling some sort of effect from the blood loss. The shirt on his arm hadn't been stained red yet, at least. Hopefully the bleeding was slowing down.
"Idiot Lil J," he replied. "Let me bleed in the bowl next time instead."
"You're not gonna cut yourself," Jeremy protested in disbelief.
"I will," he insisted, lowering his head so it rested atop the other man's. It was comforting, standing close together. Gavin didn't like seeing Jeremy get hurt. He didn't know if he could take seeing something like that again. He'd do it himself in a heartbeat before watching. "I think you need to go to bed."
Jeremy, as if on cue, yawned. "I think you're right," he laughed.
Gavin followed closely behind him as he walked to the bed, not trusting the man to not fall over on the way there.
"Goodnight, Gav," he finally murmured, once he was nestled tightly under the sheets.
"Night, J," he replied, turning to leave.
"Wait," the man interrupted, annoyance in his tone. Gavin turned to see him with one hand up, beckoning him closer. Gavin walked forward, and then gasped in surprise when Jeremy grabbed his waistband and pulled harshly. The sudden tug jerked him forward and he lost his balance, falling down over Jeremy. He managed to catch himself from collapsing on top of the man completely by sticking his hands out on either side of his head.
Jeremy laughed, and sat up just enough to connect their lips. He kissed much more fiercely than he had the first time, but seemed to move away twice as quickly. Gavin frowned and followed him forward, but Jeremy released his grip on his waistband and relaxed against the pillow again. "Goodnight, Gavin," he repeated, a teasing grin on his face.
Gavin huffed. "Yeah, yeah," he muttered, pushing himself up to standing again.
He was tired himself as he left, and so he chose to retire for the night as well. Besides, he had some things he wanted to say to Ryan.
~~~~~~~~~~
As soon as he fell asleep and was positive that he wasn't in a real dream tonight, Gavin sat up in the bed and looked around for Ryan. The god was out of sight, but he knew that he was there. "A blood altar?" he immediately asked.
Thankfully, Gavin didn't have to speak to nothingness for long. Ryan appeared, standing directly in front of him for once. "Yes," he replied, in lieu of a proper greeting.
"Why'd you give him a guide to ... blood sacrifices?"
"Because he would have found it eventually anyway. Just because I don't give you a book on something doesn't mean it doesn't exist."
"You wrote that book!"
"Yes," he repeated, agreeing once more.
"Why?"
"Because I'm a god. People sacrificed to me once, a long time ago."
Gavin blinked, taken aback. "What?" This was something he'd never heard before. He'd barely managed to get any details from Ryan about his own past before.
The god nodded. "Once upon a time, the way the people worshiped was through sacrifices. That book embodies the technique, and a way to get the rewards without a god actually there to give them."
"So it's ... updated? The new way to sacrifice?"
Ryan frowned slightly, tilting his head to the side. "Sure? It removes the god from the equation, so I guess."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to see if it would work." Sometimes Ryan had such frightening answers to questions that Gavin wondered if he really was as kind as he seemed.
"Did you at least heal him?" he asked after a few moments of silence.
"Jeremy? Of course I did," he said with a huff, as if that was so obvious Gavin shouldn't have even needed to ask. "Speaking of him though, congratulations."
"Oh, uh, thanks," he muttered, adverting his gaze to the floor. "You didn't tell me that you talked to him, though?"
"He asked me not to."
"He did?"
"Yes. We mostly talked about the altar, and he didn't want anyone to know about that yet."
"Bastard," Gavin grumbled, frowning.
"You're not really going to use the dagger, are you?"
"Why don't either of you think that I will?" he countered, finally looking back up at the god. Surprisingly, he looked worried.
"You don't seem like the type who would willingly sacrifice."
"If it means I don't have to watch Jeremy do it, then I will."
Ryan smiled, but it looked a bit off. "Aw, that's sweet," he murmured, taking a few steps forward. To Gavin's surprise, he grabbed both of his hands, pulling him up to a standing position where his face was alarmingly close to Ryan's. The god didn't let go, and he was forced to meet his piercing blue eyes. His gaze was unflinching, and the fierceness of it sent a shiver down his spine. "Be careful. The dagger is dangerous. Don't let it take too much from you."
Gavin, out of shock more than compliance, nodded. Only then did Ryan finally let go and take two steps back. "Be careful," he repeated. "Don't get yourself killed."
"I won't," he promised.
Slowly, Ryan nodded. "Okay. Remember that."
Gavin wasn't sure that he could every forget.
~~~~~~~~~~
Over the next few weeks, Gavin's days were split into three major parts; he built solar panels and worked on powering all the machinery and devices that required energy. He spent time with his boyfriend. And, he poured all the blood he could spare into the blood alter.
He tried to heed Ryan's warning as best as possible, and never gave too much to the dagger, but it still felt draining. He was sluggish and slow the majority of the time. He devoted less time to building, slept more, and saw Ryan less. The last time he did, the god had claimed it was because he didn't want their time together to take away from the real sleep that Gavin 'obviously needed'.
Gavin didn't push it though, because he could tell that it was only through Ryan's work that he was alive. Despite trying to moderate how much he gave each time, he still wasn't getting his blood back fast enough.
"Gav, Gav, you gotta stop," Jeremy said one night as he watched his boyfriend's blood drip into the bowl. "I'm sacrificing too, you don't need to give so much." Despite his attempts, he couldn't stop Jeremy from using the blade as well.
"You need it though."
"Not this quickly! I can wait. You don't need to push yourself like this. Ryan's a god and he can barely keep up." Jeremy pulled him away from the bowl, crushing Gavin tightly against his chest. "Please. I know I need the blood, but you're going to die."
"Ryan can keep me alive."
"Ryan won't forever. You know that he doesn't like this either."
Gavin did. Of course he did. Ryan had been unhappy with the idea the first time he'd heard it. Gavin hadn't forgotten the worry that had plagued the god's face upon hearing he was going to use the dagger.
"Why do you keep doing this?" Jeremy questioned, pressing his face into Gavin's chest.
"Because I know you want it," Gavin answered easily. He knew better than anyone that Jeremy wanted to see how far he could take the magic, and how much he could get out of the altar. The only unfortunate bit was just how much blood it required.
"I'd rather have you alive," Jeremy said weakly. "Ryan would too. He comes and talks to me now, since he doesn't want to interrupt your sleep," he admitted.
"Tell him to visit me once in a while. I miss him," Gavin chuckled.
"Actually stay awake for once and he will."
"Fine, fine," he grumbled with a lopsided smile.
"You should spend more time on your solar panels than on this alter."
Gavin pulled away so that Jeremy could see him nod. "Okay," he conceded. "You're right."
"'Course I am," he murmured, gingerly inspecting Gavin's arm. Ryan was working like only a god could on healing it, but faded scars still littered the surface. Sighing, he took some of the spare cloth that he kept with him and wrapped the injury with it. "Now go sleep. You look exhausted."
Gavin nodded in agreement, and leaned down to gently press his lips to Jeremy's. "I'll see you in the morning, J."
They bid one another good night, and Gavin fell asleep quickly once he made to his bed. For the first time in days, he opened his eyes to a blue sky in another reality. This time though, he didn't have to wait for Ryan to appear. The god was there, sitting on the edge of his bed.
"Are you tired?" he asked.
Gavin hummed. "A little. Not too bad, though."
"Do you want me to let you sleep?"
"No!" he exclaimed. They barely saw each other now, and Gavin knew it was mostly his fault, but he'd be damned if he let Ryan leave again.
The god sighed in a way that sounded like disappointment, but didn't move. It was silent for a long time before he finally spoke up again. "Do you want me to tell you about how I became a god?"
Gavin blinked, unsure if he'd even heard right. Became a god? Was he actually dreaming?
"Gods aren't ... always gods?"
Ryan shook his head. "Some of them aren't. A long, long time ago - I can't even remember when now, it's been so long - I was mortal too."
"Wow," Gavin whispered, completely shocked.
"I wasn't a god, but I was a king. Perhaps not the best, but I tried my best. Or, well, maybe not. I was having more fun fooling around than being a proper king, but it was fun at the time."
"Why were you messing around?"
"I was young and mad with power. It's been so long now I don't remember very well. It was a different lifetime. As a god I can remember things easily, but the memory of my life as a mortal has faded over time."
"Mad?" Gavin asked, attempting to keep Ryan on track with his story. He was so curious he wanted to hear it without distractions.
"Mad, insane, lost. They named me for it, actually. The Mad King, with his cracked and crooked crown," he said, chucking at the words like they were somehow humorous. Gavin, honestly, was just shocked. The Ryan he knew wasn't crazy. He was kind, cautious, and goofy. Sometimes he came across as intimidating, yes, but certainly not mad.
"How'd you go from a king to a god?"
"Sacrifices. I bought my way from another god. I was so drunk on power that I only desired more. What's more powerful than a god? I wrote that book on sacrifices because I developed most of them for my own use. I only changed it recently to remove the necessity of a god that received them."
"For Jeremy to use?"
He nodded. "I don't want sacrifices anymore. I'm much happier with your prayers."
Gavin was attempting to absorb the information, so he sat there and nodded dumbly as he thought it over for a moment. "So you can become a god?"
"If you give something in return, yes."
"Does it have to be sacrifices, or would prayers work, like with the miracles you do?" he asked curiously.
"Anything works, you just have to give enough. Becoming a god has a steep price."
"How much did you give?" he questioned, even though he was a bit afraid to know the answer, considering that he knew what Ryan had given.
As telling as it was, the god was silent for a moment before answering. "Too much," he sighed.
"Was it ... worth it?"
Gavin watched as, slowly, he shook his head. "For a long time, no. I'm pretty glad to have met you, though. And Jeremy. But being a god? It isn't worth that much. Watching you and your friends grow and expand this world is the most fun I've had in centuries."
Gently, Gavin smiled. "As far as gods go, you're not that bad yourself, Ry."
"You don't know any other gods, Gavin," he chided, a small smile gracing his features.
"But I'm right, aren't I?"
"Well I'm not going to say no."
He laughed then, pleased that he'd seemed to have managed to improve Ryan's mood again.
"You should sleep Gavin, now that I've told you your bedtime story."
"I'm not a child, Ryan," he pouted.
"You act like one," the god countered.
Gavin didn't bother replying to that, since Ryan would probably have some comeback for whatever he said anyway. Instead, he let the god leave, and slowly drifted off to sleep as the altered world around him disappeared.
He had an idea now though, all thanks to Ryan.
Instead of donating blood continuously to Jeremy's alter, he focused back on his solar panels. As they developed new technology and found more materials, he was able to progress further and further into the book. It felt nice to be working on them again, and he was relieved to see Jeremy abandon the blood magic for a while as well. they both still bled for the alter occasionally, but nowhere near as much as before. Instead, Gavin devoted himself to energy, and Jeremy assisted Michael with the botany projects he'd recently become invested in.
Things felt like they were back to normal again. Without the constant blood loss draining him so much, Ryan started to visit him more frequently. He never talked about before he was a god anymore, but Gavin didn't need to hear it. In fact, he didn't want to. The Ryan he knew wasn't mad.
One night, when he opened his eyes to the world Ryan had made, he was greeted with a familiar face that didn't belong to their god.
"Jeremy!" he exclaimed, jumping out of the bed in excitement. "Am I dreaming?"
Ryan spoke from atop the nether portal, a wide grin on his face. "Of course not. I visit both of you, why bother making two trips?"
And it was like this that they lived. The night was a retreat where he could spend time with both Jeremy and Ryan, his two favorite people. (Not that he'd ever admit that to Michael, of course.) He couldn't imagine spending his future with anyone else.
It was months later before his plan finally came to fruition. "How much did you give, Ryan?" he asked one day when the three of them were together that night.
Ryan, to all his godly credit, knew exactly what he meant. "Are you planning on making an exchange, Gavin?"
"How much to make me a god?"
Jeremy chucked. "You know what, I was going to ask him the same thing."