Blindly Dating
We all have those friends who LOVE to set us up with their significant others friends or their hopeless colleagues. How many blind dates have you been on before you started making excuses to not go?
The famous, “I have to wash my hair. No, really.”
“Aww, I just started seeing someone and I want to see where it’s going.”
“I have a really bad stomach bug.”
“My dog isn’t feeling well so I need to stay home with him.”
And then there are times that you think, “heck, why not go? Not like I have anything better to do.” So when a friend of mine asked if I would be interested in a Doctor of Physical Therapy who lived two hours away, I thought maybe he would be my McDreamy.
After responding to Hannah, I had a Facebook friend request from a guy named Edgar. He also sent over a message stating he was Hannah’s friend and was hoping we could chat a bit and then meet up later in the week for dinner.
So, we chatted via text and Facebook and he seemed to be a pretty sharp guy. Definitely thorough with his responses as they each were about the size of a novel. He looked quite nerdy in his pictures, but I happen to be attracted to nerdy, so it wasn’t offsetting in the least. He also told me he was an avid camper and went on a camping trip just about every weekend. I have only been camping maybe twice in my life (both AWFUL experiences, will elaborate in another post), but for some reason was excited to hopefully spend a weekend in nature!
(Random side note***How people only date or decide they “love” someone after only communicating via the internet is mind-blowing. I need face-to-face interaction.)
After a week of cyber communication, I agreed to meet him in his city, two states and two hours away from mine. I had two days off and needed a little R&R away from my hectic schedule and decided I would just get a hotel room and explore the city the following day. Besides, I had a few friends that had relocated to the area and thought it would be a great time to grab lunch and catch up.
White button down, jeans and aviator glasses is what I was searching for as I walked toward the restaurant on the corner in the vibrant city. And then I spotted him, sitting in a metal chair near the entrance with his legs crossed, intently focused on his phone squeezed between his fingers.
Hmm, not what I was expecting at all and certainly not my McDreamy or McSteamy. I truly believe that one moment of in-person contact is enough to know if you are attracted or not. However, I was there and was going to make the most of it.
It was a little after 3 p.m. and I wasn’t terribly hungry as I had eaten on the drive over, but was definitely looking forward to a few drinks since I turned it into a mini vacation. Everything I wanted to explore was within walking distance of my hotel so it wasn’t like I was going to be driving drunk! So, I started with the only appropriate drink for Sundays…. A Bloody Mary.
It wasn’t just that he wasn’t what I was expecting, it was the way he was talking and telling stories. Extremely slow with no enthusiasm and monotone. He didn’t laugh at my jokes and sarcastic comments nor did he seem to understand my dry humor. It simply and plainly wasn’t a match made in heaven.
After about two hours of chit chatting and me trying to be patient through his loooooooooooong, boring tales, I told him I must leave to check in to my hotel and rest for a bit. He insisted on following me to make sure I arrived safely and then we could walk somewhere for dinner since we didn’t eat at the last place.
As usual, my mind raced for a valid excuse to let him down easy, but I felt a ping of guilt to just leave him after we had texted back and forth for a week. After all, he was a nice guy, just not for me. Once again, I was in an awkward position as I said that would be great and gave him the address to the hotel.
I told him he could wait in the lobby while I took my bags up and freshened up a bit. I changed into more comfortable shoes to walk around in (I am so not a city girl) and chugged one of the complimentary bottles of water left in the room. When I found him in the lobby, he had a single rose he had bought off of a lady on the street for me. It was really sweet, but there I was leading this chap on already and didn’t know how to react.
I decided to just try my best at letting him know that he was being put in the friend zone, but given my past at telling how it is, I wasn’t really prepared on exactly how to do that. We walked to a perfect little bistro full of culture and amazing organic food. He ordered us a bottle of red wine while I was in the ladies’ room as he recalled me telling him in one of our texts conversations that I loved Cabernet Sauvignon. Well I DO love cab, but sharing a bottle of wine at dinner is supposed to be romantic and I was definitely not planning on adding romance to the menu.
My blackened fish tacos with mango salsa and sweet potato fries were to die for! The cabernet was delicious! And the live music was entertaining and put me in a happy place as I was really enjoying being off of work and on the other side of the bar for once. The music was loud in the tiny bistro so conversation with Edgar was pretty much impossible.
I saw that there was a long wait outside for a table in the lively bistro and wanted others to have a wonderful experience as I did. I asked our waitress for my check and said that she could put the bottle of wine on me since I drank majority of it as he had ordered a whiskey drink after only one glass of wine. He didn’t hear my requests and nodded when the waitress gave a thumbs up for approval. When she returned with separate checks, he angrily snatched the book from my hand and mouthed that he was insulted. I didn’t argue.
We left the fabulous place and I saw several little stores and gift shops I wanted to shop at (alone) and decided I would bid him farewell and then continue roaming the city myself. But of course, he insisted on walking me to my hotel and I reluctantly obliged.
He had told me via text sometime that week that he had to work early Monday morning so I figured he would leave no later than 9 p.m., but here it was 9:15 and he was about to cross the threshold into the lobby of my hotel. I stopped right inside the doorway and stuck my hand out for a shake and began to say, “It was a pleasure…..”
“Oh, I thought we were going up to your room? Can I have some water, I had way too much to drink today and can’t make the drive just yet,” he said.
Ugh, ruining my plans, but definitely didn’t want to be the cause of a DUI.
There was only one bed in my small hotel room and a massive big screen TV that I had planned on ordering movies from and room service later in the night. Edgar sat in the chair squeezed into the corner and sipped on a glass of sink water. I went to the restroom and when I returned maybe 5 minutes later, he was asleep with his mouth wide open in the chair. I felt sort of bad for him, so I didn’t scold him telling him he had to get out.
I went back to the restroom to change into my pajamas, wash my face and get into bed.
I woke up in a panic when I felt someone’s body on top of mine, someone’s lips pressed against mine and was on the verge of screaming for help, until I realized it was Edgar. I pushed him away and asked what the hell he was doing. I looked at the clock on the bedside table and saw it was 2:28 a.m.
“I’m sorry, I woke up in the chair and you looked like an angel sleeping in these white sheets. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Edgar said.
“It’s okay, Edgar, but I think it’s time for you to go,” I said, tired of always being nice and giving people the benefit of doubt.
He looked hurt. Oh no, not the puppy dog eyes.
“I had such a beautiful day and night with you. I thought there was something between us and you were happy with me. You laughed all night at dinner.”
Shit. (I have really got to stop being so nice and more blunt about my feelings.)
“Edgar, I had a great time. Dinner was delicious and I did enjoy being a patron in a bar for once, but I do not think we have a future. I’m sorry,” I said apologetically.
He stood up and said that I just needed a few days to think about the life he could give me and that “when you know… you know… and I definitely know.” He grabbed his keys, kissed me on the cheek and left.
I got up and dead bolted the door then went back to bed.
The following week he texted, Facebook messaged and called me every day. I didn’t respond.
A few more weeks went by and he continued the three and invited me on several camping trips. I didn’t respond.
“Are you flying away from me,” he asked. I didn’t respond.
“I’ll take that as a yes… I enjoyed time with you… maybe you’ll fly back one day J,” he said a few hours later. I didn’t respond.
After a month of no response from me he sends:
“Possible reasons why Holly won't respond to me:
1) She's just not into you
2) She's dating too many other dudes
3) She decided to become a lesbian (with her roommate?)
4) She has given up on relationships because of past assholes
5) I wasn't wild enough
Seriously I'd like to know something to rest my soul”
Now, I feel SLIGHTLY bad, but dude enough is enough. It was one blind date that I was not interested in upon walking up to officially meet him. Was I supposed to say that? Is that how you let people down? By being brutally honest?
Regardless, he was blocked from all forms of communication. He didn’t even look in my direction when I ran into him at Hannah’s wedding a few months later.
Desperation is not attractive. If you are blowing someone’s phone and email up after one date, something is wrong with you and you need to get yourself in check.
These dating adventures are helping me see what I want out of a partner and how I should act MYSELF. I make mistakes with guys I think I could date longer than a week, but communication is a two way street and if one person has shut down, it is best to just walk away.