I'm a 15 year old girl, I've been suffering from depression since I've been 12. I started suffering from anxiety since I was 13. Both of them contradict each other. 4th grade year I had my first suicidal thought. 6th grade i started cutting, havent stopped. 8th grade i attempted suicide. I have a fear of death so bad I get anxiety attacks, but I'm so depressed I want to die most everyday. I can't find happiness in anything really anymore; it's like every which way I turn something bad happens. Even when I have a moment of happiness it has to end, and it's so quick when it does. My dad left when I was in 3rd grade. He lied to my mom about cheating on her. It's now been going on 7 years. A couple years back he had called on my brothers birthday, not to wish him a happy birthday but, to tell my mom he never loved her and never will. He only gives us $500 a month, sometimes not even every month. He cut us off from health insurance and dental. My mom, about 2 or 3 weeks ago, had been to the hospital in 1 week three times. My sister, 2 or 3 weeks ago also, had to go to the hospital due to a severe asthma attack. Everyday I try to make others happy, everyday I suffer. Making others happy gives me a good feeling and can make be feel better sometimes, but it doesn't always make me happy. I try so many different things. I write. I sing. I play saxophone. I act. I take pictures. I let random people come to me for help, even when I'm hurting like hell. I haven't been able to find myself because, I've been busy trying to figure out how to juggle a job with school. Have you ever met a little girl who had to grow up when she was 8? One that vowed to never show she was upset to her mom, incase she thought she wouldn't have anyone? I'm here to tell everyone, life's tough and it just gets tougher. Keep your head held high, don't be mean to people, and keep being you. Lift yourself up, even if no one else if there to help. Find the people that will be there for you no matter what. My stories just to show, the pain one can go through but still try and be kind to everyone. You don't need happiness at the start, sometimes you just have to have persistence so you can start gathering yourself again. Life can get better, but it doesn't mean it'll get easier.
