Personal update, and a vet recommendation
I swear I'm still alive! Had a bit of excitement, even. Sasha, my coral albino BCI, managed to scrape her snout up (looks like she tried to push her lid off, but there's a fatty male BP stacked above her, for just this reason), and of course she also tipped her water dish and crapped all over her cage, so it got a little infected and puffy-looking. Nothing major, but I still took her to a vet.
If there's anybody in the far northwest Chicago 'burbs, the Algonquin Animal Clinic on route 31 seems pretty great so far. I'd been there once years ago when my pet rats got lice, and the same exotics vet helped out that time. Today bringing in Sasha he continued to be awesome. He and the assistant were both great handling her, he did a thorough checkup just to be safe, and asked a lot of relevant questions. Gave me a basic antibiotic cream, even complimented how healthy she was, aside from her scrape. The price wasn't ridiculous either, even with a small prescription bottle packed full of the ointment (seriously there's no way I'll use all of this up on 2 little scrapes, I'll have to check the shelf life on this stuff xD). The whole thing came out to $90, and I'd had like $200 socked away that I was prepared to spend, haha.
Knock on wood, I won't ever have cause to test his snake knowledge much further than basic stuff like this, but so far I'm pretty impressed.