#draco's diary

[drarrywishes]

i love how focused he is on writing whatever that he is while hermione is just lying limp a few metres away 😭

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

How to Snag Potter

By Draco Malfoy

1. Midnight Rendezvous: Invite him to a duel and then bond over shared rule-breaking. Didn’t work because Weasley insisted on coming along. Reported them to Filch instead. 

2. Midnight Rendezvous, second attempt: Inspire gratitude by helping him deal with illegal dragon. Possible small talk about my name? Caught by McGonagall

3. Show off amazing Quidditch skills and really cool new broom. Nope. Granger said I bought my way onto the team (NOT TRUE) and I’m pretty sure Potter believed it. 

4. Send carefully composed and endearing Valentine (the only good thing Lockhart has ever done). I don’t think he liked it very much, despite the brilliant lyrics I composed. Ended up shifting blame onto the Girl Weasel. Fairly certain he doesn’t suspect.

5. Become gravely injured in order to appeal to his Savior Complex and inspire feelings of protectiveness. DO NOT ATTEMPT AGAIN. Was nearly murdered when I insulted that giant filthy chicken, and yet Potter decided that IT was the victim?! Unacceptable. I will not rest until that beast is put down.

6. A fun prank! He seems to enjoy stuff like this when the Weasley Twins do it, so I’m sure he will laugh. Learn to sew. It turns out that Potter has no sense of humor as well as very poor vision, because he nearly killed me with that damn Patronus Charm. Although I must admit, it is kind of hot that he can already do a Patronus.

7. Support him with Triwizard Tournament badges! Okay, this one was probably my fault. Pansy saw me experimenting with them and I changed the messages at the last minute. Why can’t he just realize that I don’t mean it?

8. Report Potter’s tragic story to the Prophet to increase sympathy and support. Exaggerate if it will get him more attention. I realize now that Potter does not like attention. Also Skeeter made out like Potter is in some sort of love triangle involving Granger, which is not even remotely acceptable. This was a mistake.

9. Show respect for his friends by composing an encouraging song in Weasley’s honor. Apparently making the title sound complimentary isn’t enough to negate other more insulting lyrics. Honestly this was doomed from the start because there is literally nothing good about the Weasel except his best friend.

10. Impress him with your status and power by leading the Inquisitorial Squad. Umbridge is an absolute menace and I am an idiot.

11. Make him jealous: Flirt excessively with Pansy. I don’t think he even noticed.

12. Show him your sensitive side by crying in the girls’ loo. Fuck.

...

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. 

13. Realize you’ve been a complete arse for your entire life. Regret everything. Do your best to become someone who does the right thing. Don’t identify Potter when asked. Stop cronies from killing him. Apologize sincerely after he gets you off at your trial. Invite him for dinner. 

14. Invite him for drinks. 

15. Buy him a birthday present. 

16. Kiss him. 

17. Go back to his flat. 

18. Refuse to leave his bed. This only works for so long.

19. Attempt to make him breakfast.

20. Come out to the Prophet together.

21. Date for three years.

22. Say “yes.”

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

Rejected Badge Ideas

By Draco Malfoy, 4th year

I LOVE POTTER Too revealing

FUTURE MR. HARRY POTTER I said too revealing. Pull yourself together, Malfoy. Anyway, Potter will be taking my name.

POTTER IS THE CHAMPION OF MY HEART Clever, but also disgusting

I SUPPORT POTTER Wow, this is boring as fuck

POTTER IS FUCKING HOT True, but I don’t want him to think I only want him for his looks, you know?

I WISH POTTER WOULD SUCK MY COCK WOAH! Too needy!

SUCK MY COCK POTTER Better, but a touch demanding.

FUCK ME POTTER Also should consider that I will not be the only one wearing these buttons

FUCK YOU POTTER Funny! But actually, let’s leave fucking out of it. Wouldn’t want to deprive the first years of supporting Potter via button due to inappropriate language. Hmm, what else do I like about him...?

POTTER SMELLS LIKE EVERYTHING GOOD A bit of an exaggeration. I don’t want to seem too smitten. 

POTTER SMELLS GOOD True, but does a bland statement like this really deserve to grace a badge?

POTTER SMELLS LIKE QUIDDITCH Okay, now it’s too specific

POTTER SMELLS LIKE SWEAT I might be the only one who likes this smell? Does this make me weird?

(Pansy is looking. GO AWAY, BITCH!)

POTTER STINKS LIKE SWEAT Haha, right, Pansy??? He’s so gross, I hate him. This isn’t very catchy though. What about...

POTTER STINKS Short and sweet (just like Potter!!) (NOT!! lol jk Pansy! Obviously that was a joke. Potter is not sweet). Anywaaaaaay, let’s just go with this, shall we?

(from the universe created in this post)

[winelover1989]

Mione,

This fine morning, the manager interrupted my breakfast to inform me my carriage awaits. On making further inquiries about the route, he appeared to be somewhat reticent and pretended he couldn't understand my amateur attempt at Romanian. Well, that was rich considering he understood it perfectly well up until that moment. He and his wife, the old lady who handed me the letter, looked at each other with fear in their eyes like they couldn't wait to wash their hands off me.  Muggles! Soon after I returned to my room to fetch my luggage, the old lady came knocking hysterically.  "Must you go? Oh, dear child, why must you go that way?"

"I must," I replied. "I must go at once. I have business to attend to, lady."

"Do you know what day it is?"

I simply shrugged.

"It's Halloween! When the clock strikes midnight, all sorts of evil things will come bursting forth. Do you know where you are going? What you are going to? There be witches there, boy. Witches and vampires and ghosts and all that is unholy."

Oh . Good to know there are witches at a magical university. Wouldn't have  guessed  without your help, lady. Surprising how much this muggle knew, though. I decided against obliviating here for it wasn't uncommon for old women to warn weary travelers of great evil--myself included--lurking in the deep within the forest, doing all things unchristian and  dark magic . So great was the old woman's distress, I was forced to comfort her at the expense of my own. Ridiculous is what it was. But alas, I had things to do and places to be, so I bid the crazy old lady goodbye. Then, I shit you not, she offered me a crucifix.  A bloody crucifix, Granger!   I can't believe you had the audacity to claim muggles were all  oh so modern  and progressive these days, and witches and wizards were simply being paranoid for expecting them to have a witch hunt relapse any day now because I am not so sure your precious muggles are half as well adjusted as you insist they are, for she didn't even wait for me to respond before putting the rosary around my neck. "For your mother's sake," she said before scurrying off. I guess her intentions were kind. And she was in the midst of a mental breakdown. But come on!

It would seem I was on my way to the gallows, considering the send off I received from not just the old manager and his wife, but also all the other locals present outside the hotel. They were chattering among themselves. Though, all eyes were fixed upon me with looks of pity. I caught a few words here and there.  Satan, hell, witches, werewolves, vampires, etc, etc.  Behind my back, they all made the sign of the cross and pointed two fingers at me.  Ugh . I guess if I perish at the hands of this great evil I'm heading towards, or these deranged muggles long before that, then I'll join you in death soon enough, and then, there will be no need for me to keep writing in this stupid diary. Until then, the wretched rosary still hangs around my neck as I write this diary entry from the discomfort of my carriage.

Read more on ao3

[mermaiddragon]

Draco’s Diary entry #251

Sunday the 20th

Harry still hasn’t sent the letter to his parents. We’re leaving today for the holidays. He avoided promising he’d tell them. I’m going to write him every day until he does. When I told her that Eileen snickered, I don’t understand why. Girls are weird, I guess. Anyway, Harry hearing a snake voice before the attacks is important ! It could stop people being attacked !

More here : http://archiveofourown.org/works/6300841/chapters/20223013 

[mermaiddragon]

Draco’s Diary entry #248

Thursday the 17th

HARRY IS A PARSELMOUTH. I swear… This boy.. A parselmouth ??  Of all things… A parselmouth. And he’s not even in Slytherin ! What a lost opportunity. And he accused me ! Of all people ! All right I’ll explain from the start.

More here : http://archiveofourown.org/works/6300841/chapters/20223013

[mermaiddragon]

Draco’s Diary entry #242

Tuesday the 1st

Hermione went to see me asking if I had heard anything in the Slytherin common room about the Heir. When will this madness stop ?? She also told me they had considered brewing polyjuice but didn’t dare stealing from Professor Weasley and thought that if there was anything to know I would. I feel like I’m losing my friends one by one. Just when I was talking again to Harry (to Potter) because I’d been worried after the Bludger.

More here : http://archiveofourown.org/works/6300841/chapters/20223013

[mermaiddragon]

Draco’s Diary entry #241

Monday the 30th

Professor Lockhart received a Howler. I didn’t know teachers could receive Howlers. It was Mrs Potter. She was screaming at him for making Harry’s bones disappear and who does he think he is, Mrs Pomfrey is way more competent than him in this matters, how does he dare touching her son, if he ever does something like that again she’ll march to Hogwarts and punch him in the face and vanish his bones and make a tea set out of them (I’m not sure that’s possible). Harry says he also received a letter from her and she told him she sent one to Dumbledore and she’s going to rant about it in a column. She’s furious. I don’t give a week to Professor Lockhart before he’s smashed to pieces, pushed into oblivion or burned by dragon’s fire.

More here : http://archiveofourown.org/works/6300841/chapters/17860660