Mo Xuanyu? Oh, no. No, it’s not. This is ME, my autistic, introverted ass, trying to recover from being social this Saturday. I am exhausted. As in lying-on-my-sofa exhausted. It-could-be-7pm-or-7am kind of exhausted. Nine-hours-of-good-sleep-didn’t-fix-it exhausted. Coffee-and-ADHD-meds-no-longer-help exhausted. Unable-to-attend-workout-class-I-looked-forward-to exhausted. And I had a nice time this Saturday. But. BUT. Being autistic and introverted with ADD it doesn’t fucking MATTER if it was nice. Not when it concerns energy - or rather, the lack there-of. Mostly, I therefor choose not to attend things that could very likely be FUN but also certainly be absolutely DRAINING. Today, my head and body are paying the bill for me having a good time amongst other people and I know it wont be done with the payments until at the very least this weekend. To my brain, there is no such thing as gaining energy while having fun with others. Can I gain energy while having fun? Sure. But only on my own, in an environment I control or can be pretty sure wont get overloaded with people’s noises and impressions - like a forrest. Do I regret participating in said social event this Saturday? No. But I also know I will not be able to participate in anything like it for a very long time, months probably. I’m so tired I feel like I’ve accidently taken a dose of xanax instead of my ADD meds. So yeah, that’s ME on that picture, trying to sleep-walk myself through the day, dreading the fact that I will have to be a bit more social this work week than usual - with a NICE person who isn’t to blame AT ALL for this! - and being endlessly envious of extrovert people who’d be energized by this.
