Hemp, marijuana, CBD and delta-8: What’s the difference?
Hemp, marijuana, CBD and delta-8: What’s the difference?
Marijuana and hemp are often indistinguishable by look or smell because they both come from the cannabis plant. The difference amounts to how much of the psychoactive compound THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol, they contain.
Marijuana is classified as a cannabis plant or its derivatives that have a THC concentration of more than 0.3%. If the substance has less THC, it’s considered…
this is just me rambling and needing to put into words some concepts about stuff and things which may be upsetting to peeps, but its 2am and i need to word this out somewhere, so figured here is appropriate cuz it was all sparked by a dream and thats what this blog is for, so yeah just ignore if you dont wanna read some personal things, obvs dislaimer that all this stuff obvs isnt directly applicable to everyones situation, just my own
I think I finally may have realized why its so hard to talk to people and explain my childhood to them and how it affected me
its much much harder to conceptualize a lack of something than a surplus of something, as something that is existent in your life, as something that happened to you, when logically that it didnt happen is the problem
for instance, a person who is abused is more likely to realize the abuse if there was something tangible and negative done to them, so like the stereotype abuse
they were hit or molested or screamed at or constantly devalued, its easier to make the mental connection between “person hit me/traumatized me, now i have an ingrained trauma reaction when people raise their hands to me” and that sentence is readily understood as a logical cause and effect process by people who havent been abused, so its easier to get other people to understand the direct effects of that kind of abuse, ie its easier to talk about and conceptualize with and expplain to people who havent experienced it
but whats harder as a victim of it, is conceptualizing neglect as abuse, and the effects that that sort of abuse has on you because of it
its just, so much harder to explain to someone that because you were never shown affection as a child, you never had healthy emotional expressions directed towards you in any sense, you couldn’t do the “monkey see monkey do” thing that children and their brains are built to do, because people think of these intangibles things as inherent to humanity, they just assume that emotions and their expressions and emotional regulation is a skill people are literally born with, no matter what kind of parenting you have
they talk about babies first smile like they are born knowing how to smile, they dont realize a baby only knows what it has been shown, if youve never smiled at your kid, they dont learn to instinctively smile when theyre happy, sometimes they even fail to recognize that they feel happy in the first place because they never to make the instinctive connection between smiling and being happy
like when most people feel things, the emotion shown in their body language is instinctive, you dont choose to actively smile, you just do, you dont choose to cry, you just do, you dont choose to blush, you just do. because theyve been able to observe those reactions healthy in the people around them
and its even worse when the more tangible abuse is thrown on top of it
when youve been directly trained to not display emotion for fear of physical abuse, when any sense of self is actively cut down and snuffed out by the people who should be encouraging it to flourish, when you are actively denied and isolated from opportunities to observe anyone who can do these things in healthy ways, when every genuine emotion is pretty much gaslighted out of you or back at you so you constantly question even the ones you can identify if they truly what you are feeling or if youre just putting on an emotional front to get something from someone because thats the only function emotions ever had for your or your family for a solid 20 years so you cant tell if your genuine or manipulating
so its so frustrating to try to answer the question “well what did they do to you? if you dont live with them anymore then how are they still affecting you? they cant get to you”
cuz yeah they're not doing it now, but they did, they did for a long time, and what they did over that long period of time had some permanent or at least some extremely long term effects that i cant just stop now that its not happening anymore, if i could put it into a simple cause and effect sequence thats easy for you to understand, trust me i would have done it a long time ago.
Asking them how the abuse effected “me” requires being able to define what “me” was “before” I was abused. If youve been raised from birth to think abuse and its affects on you was just how life was and there wasnt another way to live, how are you supposed to answer that question? the answer is not easily, and not easily conceptualized in your own head much less put into words for others. you only figure out that your doing something “wrong” when someone who knows the right way points it out to you, and after its pointed out its hard to remember all those times because your habit is and continues to be the ‘wrong’ way of doing
brains arent these magics thing that change on a whim because you want them to, they are physical organs that are constantly being affected by their environments just like any other body part, and they control somethings that are thought of as nonphysical but actually are, emotions are chemical reactions, memories are physical connections between brain cells, behaviors, habits, attitudes etc these are all things the brain does as a physical organ
but because the majority of people have magical beliefs in the concept of a soul, they think the magic soul does all these things instead, and dont really grasp how much of these things are in control by a heavily traumatized physical organ
tl;dr I had a dream i was being followed by a person who was questioning everything i did or said or remembered or thought or felt, every reaction i had they wanted to know why, and if i couldnt explain it to them quickly enough they denied that it was real or genuine and that i must have been faking it, they specifically asked me about my ‘weird’ reactions to things as well, and if i couldnt explain the weird way i was feeling that wasnt like how normal people do things i must be lying, i wasnt actually abused/wasnt feeling like that/wasnt actually thinking my own thoughts
the direct irony here is the mystery person was just an amalgamate of my memories of my mother
Basically though I was being targeted by someone in torment like being sent bones that freaked me out. I had two detectives (one reminds me of that chick with botox that looks kinda like the kardashian mom, and the dude looks like the guy from the Soup) who were helping me solve what was going on.
Turns out my mom wasn't over the fact I accidentally killed my sister by bouncing her off the trampoline on the roof.
신기한 우주복을 입구 우주를 날라다녔다.. 신기한 것들이 정말 많았다.. 달 까지 가볼까하다 옆에보니까 외계인등리 테이블에 앉아 있길래 가서 말을걸어봤더니 무슨 내기를 하잰다. 그래서 거절하구 다시 날라다니기 시작했는데.. 갑자기 호철이형이랑 고깃집에서 엄청 먹다 승수형이랑 강남역에 갔다가 자동차 타고 질주를 하다 이상한 언더그라운드 단체에 초대를 받고 갔는데 우리를 쫓던 나쁜놈들이 쫓아와서 사람들 다 죽이고 잡아갔다.. 우리두 잡혀서 어느 큰 배를 타고 해양을 하는데 누군가 배를 공격해서 아수라장이돠고 나랑 승수형이 나서서 배를 구하고 쉬고있는데 깼다.. 대채 몇게의꿈을 꾼거야..
