R O Y A L T Y

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.If you realize that you have enough; you are truly rich. Yasmin. 21. 

[sinnorita]

I’m breaking up with you because you’re ugly (to me).

- also conservative

- super cultural

All sound nice but then I’m not me anymore.

People pressuring me for marriage: friends.

Anyways I like another boy but he’s at work and hasn’t responded to me yet so I feel bleh.

I want attention. All the time. Even though I’m busy.

I can’t wait for Ramadan.

[sinnorita]

Haha u like a boy

I’m so funny and cute honestly.

I like a boy. Not that much to the point where I’m trapped but

I think about him sometimes

Our life would be perfect

He’s funny, funnier than me

But when he hasn’t texted me back in 4 hrs I worry for what

I don’t like him much but I’m a bit 👀

Anyways no two people text each other 24/7. Fastest way to lose interest.

It’s better to miss me than know me too well.

Also Matias texts me once a week and he’s in too deep. Poor kid. Poor me.

[sinnorita]

Lol dating as a Muslim is a trip

One boy I love but can’t marry

Another unmatched me bc I’m a feminist

Another .... I’m just procrastinating the breakup.

Another I miss even though I know he’d ruin my life.

I think I need a reset button.

[sinnorita]

Basically

- this world is meant to hurt you and if you know the cheat code to survive the pain, you win

[sinnorita]

Its funny how emotional I get over something that’ll be explained in 24 hrs

[sinnorita]

Mood.

I’m being dramatic but by one form of income has now ceased, aH for all its benefits and help but I knew that time was coming. I feel like it’s a breakup.

On the other hand I just did an engagement and that went well, so there’s that.

One door has closed but iA I’m gonna start working hard on surviving financially til I get a job iA.

I’m going to apply to a lot of jobs, freelance, pump my blog, and do more photo shoots til then.

Allah swt won’t give up on me so I won’t give up on me either.

[therelatableimages]

[gabrielalauren]

he is in laaaaahv! so cute ☺

[golden-but-gone]

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER 💖

[borisgf-deactivated20181003]

This is so fuckigng cute can this happen to me

[sinnorita]

Do not weaken.

Do not be sad.

You’re the most High.

So do not weaken

and do not grieve

and you will be superior if you are [true] believers.

[sinnorita]

I should write a think piece on why you should be optimistically faithful on the unknown.

Niwal saying “Allah won’t leave me homeless” and hearing the trust and strength in that statement made me realize I need that level of faith.

See: Visionaire.

[sinnorita]

Waking up with anxiety today sucks.

I might get an interview, or I might not.

I might be broke today, I might not.

I might get sick today,’I might not.

Ya Allah take care of me and soothe me during this time.

[sinnorita]

I applied for this job via referral and did pt 2/4 of the interview process.

I think I did really well but I’m worried I’m not gonna get it just bc of past experiences. I’m afraid to be excited or feel confident.

But my trust is with Allah and if it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be. I just hope something better is out there for me.

And if it’s meant to be, I really really really hope it is and I find out soon and the rest of the process is smooth.

May this please be my last month of brokenness inshAllah.

[sinnorita]

I think I’m gonna take a step back from opening up to people. For like a month or so.

[sinnorita]

I’m mentally exhausted from being pryed apart by people who aren’t me.

[sinnorita]

Final thoughts.

Just because I discovered “patience” tonight as my ailment does not mean I will be patient for a week and get a job.

It could take two weeks.

Another month.

Maybe a few months.

Maybe a few months for an okay job before a few months til my perfect job.

Allah knows best.

But all I know now is that 1) the cure to my anxiety, frustration, and saddness is patience and 2) writing helps.

Anyways, I hope I pass this test. I hope I reap the rewards of my patience in this life and the next, and I hope I crack this game called life.

[sinnorita]

Three ways to practice patience

Don’t complain.

Don’t harm your body.

Don’t let your soul be displeased or frustrated.

[sinnorita]

Maybe I should pretend that all things that fail, when never really real.

Job rejection? That wasn’t even a real job and Allah was testing me with its offers.

Lover rejection? An Angel in disguise who was there to teach me a lesson.

Hangout rejection? That location/restaurant/activity wasn’t ever gonna happen anyways.

Travel Opportunity fail? Shit idk, maybe that country don’t exist irl.

[sinnorita]

Ok, so turns out I might be impatient. I think I’ve told people that I have given up on duas altogether, and yes this might be true. I still make duaa as if I hadn’t but deep down I don’t feel the same as I used to. I used to be fully invested in my duas and they used to work so well. I would design my life through these duas and when one failed, I was fine! But now, 5/5 of my duas this Ramadan failed and still are failing, which make me even less inclined to make duas. But if this advice is correct, of Allah withholding my duas from me because no only did I feel rejected and sad about my duas not working, I went and declared duas not working for me. Altogether. Maybe the test lies in would I continue to make duaa and accept my fate, or would I give up? So far I’m failing. I don’t want to be attached to any more of my duas and therefore it’s easier to believe duas don’t work for me. But I know I’m not an oddity. If they don’t work for me, they won’t work for anyone. And if they worked last year, they should work every year. Allah doesn’t change his rules, but rather I change my beliefs. I need to start believing in my duas and believe that Allah knows best. But most of all I need to learn how to deal with a rejected dua (given I have the worlds most specific or time sensitive duas) and how to regroup and move on. But now, a rejected dua later, face the crossroads of this. Do I, apply to other jobs (yes) and not get attached to any of them (probably for the best) and not put my eggs in the basket of maybe being disappointed again. Or, do I continue to make passionate duas with the chance that Allah knowing best, I may not get it. And if that happens, to bounce back and trying again for something else. As easy as it is to say the latter, I worry I’m not emotionally adept just yet. I need to learn how to be passionate yet unattached iA. The job that rejected me was a remote position that I was so qualified for but had training in Vietnam. Sounds crazy but perfect for me. The job was closed by the time I submitted it. Obv it wasn’t meant to be, Alhamduillah. If this was just another test, I pray I pass. Maybe I would have hated Vietnam. Maybe I wouldn’t have liked the job. Maybe the wouldn’t have liked me and sent me back early. Maybe another job is waiting for me that I’m better suited for. Allah knows best.