I just want to preserve this dream I had, and there is nowhere else I could do that but here.
Just a little background, I have a huge crush on this Thai actor named Vachirawit, or famously known as "Bright." I first saw him back in 2020 on a TV show, and since then I have become his follower. He was the one who saved me when I was in my darkest days, and he brought a smile to my face every time I see him on tv. I once dreamed to see him in person after I graduate as I plan to visit Thailand, but I didn't think that dream would turn into reality sooner when they visited my country for a fan meet event.
Anyway, last night, I dreamt that he was having a concert here in my country. A friend of mine tagged me along to see that concert, although I was having a hard time because I couldn't dare to face him. I heard rumors that he was about to get married to one of his female assistants, and it definitely broke my heart, like I have every right to feel that way. I thought it was just my fangirling heart, but I knew something deeper is going on (in that dream).
But I went to the concert with my friend anyway. I thought I'd have to see him at least. While at the concert, I was looking for the woman they were referring to be his fiance. I wanted to see if she could support him like I would if I were to be in her place and if she would cheer and be his number one supporter even in a place like this.
I knew her face, I knew who she is. And I cannot find her anywhere near him, or at least in the front seat. That was when I started wondering if the rumors were true in the first place.
Moments before the concert had ended, I told my friend that I would go for a walk. It was an open concert, the venue being on a beach and by the seashore. My friend had asked me if I really wanted to leave before finishing the concert, but I was determined to get Bright out of my head and take a breath of fresh air.
I saw a lot of people enjoying each other's company, playing volleyball on the shore, or just dipping on the beach. Seeing all this made me feel a bit better.
I came back to the stage, only to find out my friend looking through his phone, and beside him was none other than... Bright himself.
I was so surprised to see them together, so I walked up behind them and asked what was going on.
My friend, who saw me in pure shock, told me that she had been calling me nonstop right after the concert. But I couldn't care more about what she was telling me because my eyes were fixated on Bright.
And he was staring at me too. Those beautiful almond eyes were staring at me. I must have done something good in my previous life to be the receiving end of those intense but soft stares. I then realized that it was not a look of curiosity, but something else.
It was a stare of longing, with a hint of sadness. The familiarity of that gaze was made known to me when I remembered how I look in the mirror whenever I think about him. His eyes flicker when he saw me walking towards him, his lips shaking as if he was trying to find the right words to say. I noticed how he held his arms behind him, as if he was restraining himself from doing something he could later regret.
"What's going on?" I asked my friend even if she was still in the middle of explaining to me what had happened. I didn't understand a word she said, and I want her to start all over again.
She took a deep breath. Beside her, Bright smiled at me.
And from that moment, I already understood what was happening before my friend could even speak. The memories came flooding into my head like a strong current of waves, pulling me deeper and deeper into the vastness of it all.
"He was looking for you!!!" My friend said. She couldn't contain her excitement. She was wondering what was going on too, but she was just too happy for me that she didn't even dare to ask any questions.
"Do you... want to go for a walk?" Bright asked.
I smiled. "Yeah, I'd love that."
We started walking by the seashore. He was smiling at himself, and I couldn't help but smile too. "How have you been?" I asked.
His eyes widened when I popped that question, but his smile got even bigger. He reached for my hand and locked his fingers in between mine. I didn't protest. I finally know why I had been longing and dreaming for this day to happen.
"It's been a while. I've never been any better. God, I missed this," he said before he lifted my hand and pressed it to his lips.
I took a deep breath. I have been walking in this place just moments ago, but I didn't realize how beautiful the view has been. The sun was perfectly shining upon the sea, and the waters were a perfect reflection of the blue sky. The people around us kept throwing glances as we walk by, mainly to look at this beautiful man walking beside me as he glowed graciously like an angel. He has always been like this, even before. I remember all of it now.
We sat on the sand and stared out at the sea. We were so close to each other, skin-to-skin, and I knew this is where we both belonged. We didn't lose sight of how we used to be like before, and we both waited for this day to come.
He covered me in his arms, while his hand reached for mine. He was taking it all in, trying to absorb the moment as much as he could. I did the same. I wanted to just freeze time and stay with him here, forever.
"What happened to us?" he asked. His tone was melancholic, his breathing getting heavier each time.
"We transcended time," I answered. I rested my forehead on his.
He chuckled. "We did, right?"
I softly laughed. "Yeah. But you gotta admit that I found you first," I said, a bit boastful of that little achievement.
He kissed my cheek as he cackled. "I silently wished you wouldn't bring that up."
I held his cheek and pulled him closer to me as if this intimacy wasn't enough. In fact, it isn't. And it would never be. We have to make up for the lost time that we should've stayed like this. But I don't know if could do that. And I'm afraid to ask.
"But I have to give you credit. How did you know it was me?" I asked.
He brushed his nose on my cheek and gave it a slight peck. It sent shivers down my spine. "I always knew. I did not forget. I was just searching for the wrong country, that's all." He took a deep breath and pulled me closer to him by the waist. "You were the one who forgot."
I was ashamed, but I admitted it anyway. "My mind did. But my heart didn't. When I first saw you on tv two years ago, I longed for you since then. I thought it was just a major crush on some tv actor, but I was so wrong. I've always thought you would make a good singer, I didn't think you would be one in this lifetime."
"I guess you made that happen. You kept telling me to become a singer, so I did, for you. I thought it would be easier to search for you when you hear my voice. I thought you would come to me instead since you've always got a knack for finding me whenever I'm lost. And you did, once again," he answered. And that made me smile.
"Only a little too late?" I asked.
He closed his eyes as he rested his head on the side of my neck. We let the sound of the ocean hitting the shore take over the silence between us. The thing I feared the most since earlier was slowly creeping into this invisible distance between us. I wanted to stop it from coming and destroying this magical moment I have with the love of my life.
"I'm so sorry," he said. I started feeling his tears flowing through my skin.
I held him in my arms. "Shh... It's okay. You don't have to say anything. This is where we were supposed to be now," I said, every word coming out of my mouth feels like a knife stabbing me.
"But I don't want to. I don't want to. I want here with you. I don't want to go back. Please, don't make me. I don't love her. It was just a front by the management to boost her career. I love you, it's always been you."
I didn't speak. I kissed his forehead instead. I could hear his frustrations and fear of being trapped in a situation he never wanted to. I feel sorry for him, for the both of us, but at the same time, my heart skipped a beat when he said the last line. Oh, how I missed hearing those words.
He continued his silent cry on my shoulder, but I just stared at the sky. It was so beautiful especially with him beside me. I hope someone up there in the clouds is looking down at us, painting a perfect picture of us at this moment.
"I guess time still beats us," I sadly answered.
"Let me stay with you, please."
It hurts so much that he has to beg to stay with me. I would've said yes, there's no other answer for that of course, but it would be wrong. This is no longer the time and place where we belonged. This moment right here is just a glitch in the matrix. Just a frozen point in the universe where the impossible was made possible for a very short period of time before everything goes back to where it should be. This is that short and thin gap between dusk and dawn, where the world revolves unusually changing its mechanism, giving time for the bizarre stuff to pop into existence only to be washed away once everything goes back to normal.
We were never meant to meet. It's just our hearts' most powerful desire, and the universe' kind consideration to grant it for a while.
"We used to watch sunsets like this, do you remember?" I said. I don't want this to be a time for tears. I want this memory to last at least in my mind and heart permanently, enough to give me deja-vus for the next lifetime.
"How can I forget. I love watching sunsets with you," he answered. He sniffs his nose to allow more airways as he recovers from his tantrums.
I looked at him and smiled. "I'm so sorry for realizing it a little too late. I could've saved all this from happening." I said without giving any more effort to keep my tears from flowing.
He brushed his thumb on my cheek. "This is so much better than living the rest of my days not meeting you in this life at all."
I nodded as I rest my head on the palm of his hands. "I promise, I'll be the one to look for you in the next. I promise that I will find you in time, so you wouldn't cry again as you did now. I'll be the one you'll marry, and we'll be together at last."
He chuckled sadly and kissed me on the side of my lips. "Okay then. You better realized by now how impatient I am. Don't take too long to find me, or you'll hear me cry across the world."
I laughed. "Okay, crybaby," I said.
"And if I get tired of waiting, I'll be the one to find you. And I'll make sure to look everywhere now, even outside of the country I'll be in. I'll make sure to find you, and you better be ready to marry me right away," he said. His lips were so close to mine that I could feel his breaths in between his words.
"I do. I do. I'll say it now so it would create the red strings that would connect us in every lifetime."
"Then, I do too. I take you as my wife. My one and only wife, the love of my life. All we got to do is to put each other's rings in the next lifetime. Don't you dare forget about me ever again."
Then we kissed. We waited for the sunset before heading back to the venue and gave each other one last sad smile. No goodbyes, that's the mistake we did in our previous lifetime, and look at where it brought us now.
I watched him as he got inside the van, and saw the woman I have been searching for earlier. There was a look of worry in her eyes as she saw another woman with him, but she didn't say anything. She continued to watch us give each other an embrace, and after a while, she turned away without giving a fight.
It was hard to let him go, but we have to do what we have to in this lifetime so we could be rewarded in the next. And we both knew what we have to do.
That's when I woke up with immense sadness in my heart.
Aside from Bright, I am also a huge fan of alternate universe theories. In fact, I love the series "The OA" on Netflix (you should watch it, it's so good) and other theories about possible life in another universe. They say "sky is the limit", and I guess it could be taken literally as well since, beyond the sky, there is a massive space we haven't reached yet. There could be another world out there where we also live as ourselves, and our dreams are a connection of what has been happening there and in the world we live in.
I didn't know what this dream means, but it gives me comfort that in another universe, maybe Bright and I are connected or that we personally knew each other. Maybe in this universe, I was just meant to be his number-one fangirl. I just wanted to keep this dream alive.
P.S. My close friends knew about me remembering every detail in my dreams. I thought it was a normal thing to happen, but they told me they usually forget their dreams the moment they open their eyes. That rarely happens to me, because I always remember the details in my dreams. I sometimes use them as fuel to make good plots in my stories, and the results benefitted me almost all the time.
