It is 01:49 on the first day of freedom except I’m moving straight into fluffcember *eyebrow wiggle* but shhh I have no idea how long I will keep up with that xD (yes it took me that long to decide on an excerpt shush)
...and I am tired...
but also happy?
I wrote maybe 35k that can actually stay in the story. Which are words that I like, which I am going to keep. Which is far too little considering that this is what my final statistic looks like--
But then I remembered something!
I also did a lot of worldbuilding lore, and I figured out my DAMN PLOT, something I WAS STUCK ON SINCE MARCH, and my characters make so much more sense now, and I had a breakthrough regarding the changes I made to the characters, and how it’s going to affect the ending, and ahhhhhh the ending is WORSE now, but ALSO SO MUCH BETTER, and more meaningful, and asdkfjsldf
I may be dissatisfied with how many words actually ended up in the manuscript, but I shouldn’t discount all the words I used to discover things about my world, and to explain it to myself in ways that made sense, and to have an actual reference library of my own world that I can look at when I forget details. Before, all my stuff was... partially from 2014, partially still accurate, some of it from 2016, some of it from last year, pieces of all of them still right, but most not ... and some files are still like that.
BUT I CLEANED UP SO MUCH, AND IT MAKES SENSE NOW.
I can’t discount that.
So while I may be very dissatisfied with the wordcount that ended up in my manuscript, I got damn far in terms of transitioning into the third draft, and making it easier for myself in the long run, AND FIGURING OUT THE DAMN ENDING. :’)
AND I WROTE A TON OF WORDS!!!! Even if most of them are stupid. XD
So heyyyy
Excerpt
Here is a smol excerpt, from Elinor’s POV, below the cut... It’s very first-draft-y, and I’m still not sure about her character voice. Or any of that. But this is the gist of it, and I hope you like it :’)
You do not wait when you get summoned by the Regulator.
You dress in your best clothes, get your hair tidy, make sure to polish the Mask, and then you leave. You make sure not to run so you don’t sweat when you get there, but you do walk fast.
You do not let the Regulator wait.
My thoughts are in shambles when I arrive at his estates. I’m still not over meeting my sister and mother, but even less over… the other thing.
Can’t even think about it. Too much tied to that, too much pain, and—
Take a deep breath.
You can do this.
…I can do this.
While the rest of the city is basically a collection of houses stuck on top and next to each other, sorted into Levels and made to stabilize each other into tower form, Level Eight isn’t quite like that. It’s more like a million individual rooms than houses, haphazardly called Asimdrium. I still think it’s not an actual word, but everyone calls it that, so I guess it’s one now?
The only place that doesn’t fit is the sprawling complex belonging to the Regulator. He rarely leaves it, only adding to all that mysticism… and now he’s summoned me here. I never much thought about him before—everyone meets the Regulator once in their lives, during the Testing, but few see him again after that.
What does he want from me? And why in the dead of night instead of at a more reasonable hour? I have to get up early tomorrow. It’s not fair—
He’s probably busy. I shouldn’t question him like that.
… no, in fact I mustn’t. He’s the most powerful man in Merreadon. The second most-powerful one in the entirety of the Empire…
And he knows my name.
Alright, to be fair… he knows everyone’s name. Still, he does not summon most people to his office at such a late time.
I take a deep breath—
…I hope it's not connected to Ben…
—knock on the door to his office.
Nothing moves, and nothing happens. For a few moments I just stand there, heart straining against my ribcage, fluttering like a caged bird, trying to escape with every iota of its feeble strength.
Close my eyes.
Take a step back.
He will answer my knocking.
He summoned me.
It feels like ages until the door finally moves, basically noiselessly.
I kind of expected there to be someone else, a secretary, maybe, someone like that.
But no.
It's the Regulator himself, in all his scary glory.
He is the only one with a Mask quite like this, this… creepy. He is also the only one with such an imposing presence, or, well, at least here. There must be others in the other big cities, or at least in the capital cities of the different provinces.
“Good evening, Elinor Arborea”, he says. His voice is calm. Basically inflectionless. For a moment I have this really weird scene in my head in which he stands in front of a mirror, practising how to creep people out the most, testing around with the way he says certain words. Of course he's much younger in that scene.
…though it's really hard to tell how old he even is, exactly? And somehow that gives me hope. If he's not dead yet, the rumours must be true. There must be a way.
“Good evening, Regulator. Sir”, I say, trying to sound as dignified as I can manage. I kind of fail, but, well, I haven't had time to practise in front of the mirror, either. You have to take what you can get, right? And I don’t even have a mirror.
I can't tell what he thinks at all, I can't even see his eyes behind the Mask. It's like there's a shadow clinging to it, hiding every sign of him being an actual person. Maybe he isn't one? Has anyone ever seen the Regulator without Mask? Maybe he's dead. Maybe he's just a walking corpse—
“You know already”, he says. For a second, I am terrified that he can read my mind, and that he’s addressing my corpse-fears. Then I realize that he must be talking about Ben. No…
“Yes.” My heart is going mad. I can feel it. It won't be long until it escapes.
“In that case I will spare you the explanation.
As you probably know very well, you are a talented and hardworking young woman, showing great promise within the Asimdrium. I have been paying special attention to you for a while now, and today that might… pay off. For both of us.” He pauses. I have no idea what to say, and besides, there’s only dread and fear inside of me. I wish I’d never come.
“Your brother is of… let us say, special concern to me. I have a proposal to make that will let both of us get what we want.”
He stops talking. I get the disconcerting feeling that he's staring at me from deep within his Mask.
I've never felt more uncomfortable. Except maybe at the Testing, don't remember much of that, though. It was a long time ago. This… it feels like he's staring through me. Into me. As if he can read my thoughts just by looking at me. As if he can hear my heart. I feel laid bare, on a far deeper level than mere nakedness.
“Alright?”, I ask carefully, trying to suppress the tremor in my voice, the fluttering traitor living in my chest, the shiver running down my spine, like tiny frozen spider-feet.
“I want you to go home”, he says, and for a tiny moment I think I have died and gone to the Eternal Sanctuary, that things will be alright, that I will get to go home—
“… sometime during your evenings, and to then report back to me on how your brother is doing.”
It doesn't matter that I can't read his face, his voice, or his body language.
He paused like that on purpose.
It tells me several things about this entity, this mystery, this man—because now I know for sure that he's still human underneath all of that. Maybe he's no longer the person he once was, but he's still unmistakably a person. A petty person who likes playing with people, in fact.
Which is something of a relief, to be quite honest. Who knows what to expect from an animated corpse, or some other kind of inhuman creature posing as one?
It still doesn't explain his eye-shadow but I guess that must be a Regulator speciality.
“You want me to go home in the evenings to check on my brother because you want to keep an eye on him and can't go yourself?”, I ask, doing my very best at not mentioning the word spying.
“Exactly”, he says.
~~~
But also, if you got this far. Let me rant a tiny bit. XD Dreams is going to be very long, I think XD I made a handy graphic:
Let’s hope I manage to cut some of those 35k words. XD or make the rest shorter XD
(yes that is my excel outline, it escalated a bit, but it helped immensely in figuring out how elinor impacts things, especially with the timeline, I usually just have an unsorted doc with notes in it aaahhhh)
especially since this is Part One: Dreams in more detail :))))))) AKA, just the red part.
I doubt Draft 3 will be less than 200k, to be honest. Whyyyy
I got tagged ages ago by both @authordai and @jaimistoryteller for Heat, Fall, and Vivid, and another time by @authordai for Fresh, hair, black, watch, caress AND hate, tall, pour and friend. Also by @cirianne for concerned, stone, decide and tough.
These are a lot of tags I’ve procrastinated XD Thank you all for tagging me, though :’D
These are from three different POVs, Ava, Ben, and Amber/ Emma
Heat
The world snaps into sudden sharp focus, the overlaying effect gone. Iuri is holding me in her arms and Azrae stands right next to us, looking at me with worried eyes. They reel back when I start to glow, the fiery heat spreading from my chest — probably my heart?— to my hands. Then Iuri starts laughing, a helpless, relieved sound.
Fall
And even though the panic is blooming in my chest, making my hair stand on end and my heart race, I fall sleep. Because sometimes there’s power in words, and afterwards I’m never quite sure if I dreamt it all or not. It doesn’t make sense, but then so little ever does.
Vivid
“I think you had a very vivid dream, Ava”, Papa admits finally, “but I know how real dreams sometimes feel.”
I stretch my tongue out at him. “I know”, I say grimly, “It sounds stupid and made-up, but it wasn’t a dream, and the monsters were real, too, but you never believed me then either.”
Fresh
The monster turns around and sees Emma, and then it opens its mouth in a hug grin (so many horrible white teeth). They’ve got hooks and they’re probably longer than my hands! I shiver. The mouth is far larger than it should be, and it glows, too (like the eyes). Are those even eyes? Maybe they’re just holes cut into its skin? Evil red, like fresh blood, only glow-y. I’ve never felt this cold, not even during winter!
Hair
“I know, kitten”, Mom answers quietly, also ignoring my presence, and tries to smooth down her hair. It doesn’t work. Ava’s hair is the killer of no less than five combs and three hair brushes, and its death toll would have been much higher if Mom hadn’t stopped trying.
Black
Then I notice what she’s holding, and somehow it makes everything worse. There’s this black plushie-cat that Grandma made for her when Ava was still a baby, and there haven’t been any nights when she hasn’t clung to that. Tonight she has my Pillow, too. It drives tears into my eyes and I just stand there stupidly, trying to think of something to say.
Watch
I take the coward’s way out and say nothing. I really want to help, but only … slightly. I also really want to play, to think nothing serious for a few hours, to just watch the animals, watch the gardeners, have fun.
Caress
“I—”, he whispers, then visibly shakes himself. “Thank you, Bennie. I— I knew that you were still there. I am so proud of you. My little boy…”
He caresses Sleeping Me’s face, and then he stands up and leaves. Smiling widely through the tears drying on his face.
Hate
“I hate the Asim”, I whisper angrily as we’re climbing the stairs. Papa stops abruptly and looks at me in alarm. I cross my arms in front of my chest and look back defiantly.
“What? They broke you when they took Elinor and now Ben is — hurt — and they do nothing! It’s all their fault!”
Tall (don’t have that one)
Pour (don’t have that one either)
Friend
Now I’m frowning, too. “She’s your best friend! And Niall, too! They’re not the kind of friends who’d leave you behind after a fight. Sure, maybe Amelia will be a bit angry at you for a week. But in the end you’ve been friends for half your lives now, that must count for something! And Niall? He’ll never leave you. I’d bet anything on that.”
Concern(ed)
“Good morning?”, I repeat, trying unsuccessfully to force my uncertainty away. Something must have happened, something bad. Does it concern me, too?
Stone
The longer we walk the darker the path seems to get. The stones get older and more black, rougher, more and more spiky, with less plants growing on them, and even the mist around us seems to change. At first I don’t even notice it because the transition is so gradual. Then Azrae pulls out a small stone, turning it in their palm, until it suddenly starts to glow brighter and brighter. And only now do I realize that the world has grown dark and scary, and that I’m no longer in the place that I knew before.
Decide
She looks up for the first time, eyebrows drawn together. “Ava, get back from the hole! I can just about see you falling!”
I shake my head stubbornly and wisely decide not to tell her about the adventures Ben and I had, climbing up the trees in the Sanctuary. “I can sit here as long as I want, and I’m going to stay until you tell me why. Why are you fighting again? You were hugging in the hospital! And now you’ve gone back to shouting and being angry?”
Tough
I can’t let go. Not when there’s still hope.
I can’t betray them like that. Have to remember that when times get tough. Have to remember that there’s always hope, even in the darkest of times.
I’m tagging all of you back ( @jaimistoryteller @authordai @cirianne) and also @romenna @writin-maaagic @sincerestaffect @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword @asttralhell and @fynniana to find me read, cat, tree, rock, dream and cloud.
Thank you so much @desperatlytryingtowriteabook for tagging me, I’ve wanted to do this tag game since two weeks or so when I first saw it xD
RULES: Take a section of your WIP, however long or short, and google translate it until it’s utter nonsense. Tag as many people for as many languages you translate it through.
All right! :D This excerpt is a sort of mini-flashback, when Ben first met his future second-best friend, (after Jessica, of course)! Let’s see what google makes of it XD
BEFORE:
“He started it!” Jess’ eyes blaze with indignation, and if stares could kill the other boy would drop dead.
“I’m sure that he didn’t mean it that way”, Dad says calmly, still holding her arm to keep her from charging again. “What’s your name?”
“Con… Connor”, the boy says meekly. His hair is ruffled and one eye starts to swell. I know how he feels but I still side with Jess. Connor is an idiot, and he deserves it.
“Did you provoke Jessica or was it an accident, Connor?”
“I… didn’t mean to provoke her”, Connor mumbles lamely.
“I suggest that you all make up”, Dad tells us, looking at me meaningfully.
“But I didn’t even fight!”, I protest but his gaze makes me shut up.
“You could have mediated but you didn’t.” I frown but then I nod reluctantly.
“Ben”, I tell Connor, holding out my hand. He hesitates but then shakes it.
“Hello, Ben… She’s quite… uh… strong.”
I nod proudly. “She has two older twins. Sometimes people laugh at them.” Like you. But I don’t tell him that.
“Oh”, Connor just says, but he’s smiling now. Jess still looks like a stormcloud. She has a few bloody scratches but nothing like Connor’s eye.
“You’re still an idiot”, she tells him from the safe distance enforced by Dad.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that”, Connor says. They eye each other warily. Then Dad releases Jessica. She rubs at her arms and stalks back toward us.
“Saying mean things to them isn’t fair”, she says grimly. He blushes, then nods.
She smiles. “Okay. I think I like you. You’re good at punching, too.”
AFTER: first to Uzbek, then Korean, Finnish, Slovenian, Vietnamese, and finally Latin. I love this game so much xD (also I screenshotted all the in-between stages because they were amazing, too)
"He started it!" Turn away your eyes, and Jesse was the hatred of the country, which slew death, if I have another young child was.
"I'm sure he does not think very seriously," he said, one hand to keep her calm. "What is your name?"
"... Jenkins," the boy said happily. His hair began before his turn and swaying. I know my feelings to the world. How stupid.
"Jessica is an accident or a swift and corner?"
"We want to encourage her," said corner.
"I invite you," he said.
"But I did not fight" against him and stopped.
"I can not move it, but I can not." I'm not in love, but I do not want to.
"I took my hand and bastion delay the sending and receiving.
Hey ... ... and he is not strong.
I am a nurse. "Having twins and sometimes people smile," like you. I do not say.
"Oh," Corner said, now smiling, he said. It is not, however, seems to be the world of the storm. , After having left a lot of blood, nor did our eyes, however, a Message View Connor.
"You are still a fool." Can safely say to his father.
"I'm sorry, but I do not think so," Corner said. To protect him. He betrayed his father, Jessica. She looked rise us.
"It is fair to say that suits them," he said with anger. The move melting away.
Smiled. "I hope you like to believe.
Said Corner. Or Jenkins? No-one knows...
I have to tag 6 people! @sincerestaffect, @prismalicht @dreamywritingdragon, @fynniana @romenna @theprissythumbelina
I got tagged by @prismalicht, thank you so much :D I think I got tagged in this before but last time I did it for another story soooo :D Here we go, for Dreams and Shadows! :D
Here are the rules: Go to page 7 of your WIP, go to the seventh line, share seven sentences and tag seven more writer-bloggers to continue the challenge.
There’s no disbelief, not yet. They’re still too tired, and they just take it the way they are told.
The Asim have abandoned Ben. (They’ve actually done it. No hope for my
brother. What now?)
A few doctors come, push Ben’s bed past us.
I’m tagging @lynnafred, @peculiarsphere, @malakaldeen, @reeseweston, @sincerestaffect, @zwergis-spilledink and @merigreenleaf, hoping that you haven’t done it already (and are alright with being tagged, of course, I managed to lose the list with tagg-able people.) :D
Aaaalso, I’m working on all the other tag games, even if it might not seem like it x’D
Thanks for the tag back @albatris and in general @unfocused-overwriter :D If you want you can feel yourselves tagged back, too xD I love this tag game so much!
”Emma”, I whisper, and my voice cracks in the near-darkness, ”I really, really hope he gets better. I want him to come home so badly…”
She meows gently and crawls a bit closer, burrowing her face against my neck and then shifting so that she’s pressed against me. I breathe gently, carefully.
(Ava POV)
Tomorrow
We will see each other on Threnn... I don’t think I can wait until then. I smile, quickening my step. I will see Benji tomorrow, I think, after class. I just hope we’re right, and that Benji will live.
(Elinor POV)
Sleep
He turns away, looks over the endless rolling planes. It’s getting dark, the sky turning purple and pink and gold even though there’s no sun. A thousand small lights drift sleepily through the air, some close, some further away.
Somehow they make him sad.
(Ben POV)
Quiet
The doctor looks down me, back at Mama, and then she grimaces. ”I really don’t think—”
”He’s her bloody brother”, Mama snaps. ”They’re so close that I sometimes wonder how they haven’t grown together by now.”
Doctor White takes a small step back, and I snicker. (Quietly.) Only Papa hears. He still shakes his head and I stick my tongue out at him but he doesn’t even see because of his stupid strings.
(Ava POV)
Ocean
Under an iron grey sky, there is an island—barely more than a sandbank—that rises out of the vast expanse of the ocean.
All the colours have been leached away by the leaden mist, draping low across the world.
(Ben POV)
Pale
Mama isn’t crying, but her face is pale and drawn, only partially visible through her curly dark hair. She doesn’t even notice me at first.
She’s reading Ben’s very first diary, from when he was really small. There are pictures drawn in there, too. He showed it to me, once, and together we laughed about all the things he wrote. He was really weird when he was small, very different from the Ben I know.
Mama looks up when I approach.
Her eyes are red-rimmed and hollow. There’s something soft and helpless about her face.
For some reason, it’s terrifying to see her like that.
”I’m here to help”, I say, helplessly. ”With Ben’s room.”
(Ava POV)
Purple
Some of the rocks are more black, some almost blue, some almost purple. Their colours are banded across, but red is dominant.
The longer we walk, the less they look like random spikes, and the more they start to appear like people, like monsters, like things somewhere in between.
(Ava POV)
I’m tagging @brookswriting @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword @ardawyn @pheita @raiswanson @kittensartswriting @nanaschreibt @romenna @kainablue @fatal-blow @eluari but only if you want to, of course <3
your words are: fly, wonder, broken, drink, amused, river
I got tagged by @sincerestaffect to find the words “exhaled”, “gently”, “light”, and “shadow” in my wip, thank you so much! And as always these are from Dreams and Shadows.
Exhaled:
I have one “exhales” so that’ll have to do. From Ben’s POV, when his Dad visits him for the first time.
“I mean, I could try and explain myself. But that will help nobody. I managed to keep myself from doing that the last two days, I can do it today, too.” He breathes in deeply, closes his eyes, exhales harshly through his nose.
“You must be bored of me by now… and I don’t even know if you can hear me, or if you’re even still here at all. That’s… that’s why I brought—” His voice drowns at the end, cut off suddenly by tears. I can’t see them because he hides his face behind his hands, but I can hear them. Can hear his sorrow, can feel it. Ruin, I can feel it!
Gently:
Almost all of my “gently”s are when someone’s crying XD So this is one of the other times, from Ben’s POV.
Then we continue upward, out onto the roof, and then another small staircase that’s right on top of the metal framework of the glass dome encasing the city. The view is absolutely astounding. We’re slightly above the trees now and it’s like an ocean of treetops, swaying gently in the wind. For a moment I have a horrifying vision of the trees turning into water but then I blink and it’s gone. No, I will not give in to that anymore. I’m over it. I’m going to fight, and I’ll stay. No desperation or no fear will get me down. No.
And then we reach her destination, and suddenly things start making sense, because it’s a pigeon coop. To be exact: The city’s carrier pigeon coop.
Kiyera takes care of the city’s carrier pigeons.
Light:
This is from Ava’s POV right at the beginning. She can’t sleep because she’s afraid of the monsters under her bed. Also, “Emma” is what she calls Amber, the family cat, from when she was very young and mispronounced Amber all the time.
Something jumps onto my bed. I cry out, my heart is beating quicker than it ever has before. It’s real, they’re real, I can feel them on my bed, the blanket moves, they’re coming closer and closer—
I pull my blanket over my head, cry out again, try to pull away—
I open my eyes, stare at the darkness in confusion. The monster purrs.
Emma.
They’re all still there, glowing eyes and glinting teeth, but so is Emma, and she’s different. Emma, standing on my bed in the empty space next to me, has eyes that are blazing with a strange, golden light that drives the monsters back. She looks at me, just looks, and I hear something, a quiet voice. ‘She is under my protection. Leave, before I make you.’
Darkness:
Also Ava’s POV, a few days later. A very different kind of monster, this one!
The monster turns around and sees Emma, and then it opens its mouth in a hug grin (so many horrible white teeth). They’ve got hooks and they’re probably longer than my hands! I shiver. The mouth is far larger than it should and it glows, too (like the eyes). Are those even eyes? Maybe they’re just holes cut into its skin? Evil red, like fresh blood, only glowey. I’ve never felt this cold, not even during winter!
There’s a sound like metal grinding on stone and then bone white claws slide out of the darkness. They’re longer than the teeth and they’ve got hooks, too. I find myself stumbling backward as Emma attacks it with a fury and power I’ve never seen in her. They’re just a ball of hissing darkness now, both of them, with random flashes of white claws or teeth, and I can only see because one of them glows red. I inch closer. (Stupid, but I can’t resist.)
Oh, these were fun! Also rather long excerpts... hope you enjoy! Thank you for tagging me :D
So, for my... taggees:
Find me the words sun, book, steel and shadow!
@prismalicht @romenna @madmooninc @lynnafred @sincerestaffect @zekethegm @merigreenleaf @theprissythumbelina @authordai @scarvenartist @dreamywritingdragon :D Only if you want to, of course!
