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Lovelorn | k.s.j

Summary: Being in love is hard, and having faith in someone when you think they are keeping something from you is even harder. When Jin does something to break that faith completely how will you deal with it?

Warning: Cheating!!!, angst, like a lot of angst, mentions of sex having, language, kinda fluff (Jungkook and Hobi are great friends), Jin is a dick head - sorry :(

Word count: 7k

Sitting alone in the lounge room you were contemplating what to do. You had the overwhelming feeling that Jin had been hiding something from you, that he wasn't faithful but that couldn't be true because he loved you and you loved him. This thought wasn't random, there had been signs and the feeling kept pulling at the back of your head like a child pulling on its parents shirt for attention, but you ignored it; much like a parent mid conversation, but it kept getting more obvious, like he was just getting lazy, but still you pushed through. The thought of confronting him or going through his stuff had crossed your mind but you didn't want to be overbearing what if it was just your anxiety kicked into high gear and you were just overthinking this? You would look foolish caught going through his stuff and coming up empty handed so instead, like a deluded love sick fool you brushed it off and decided to continue as you had been and pretending everything was fine. If you had just been more honest with yourself in that moment, if you had just been more realistic with yourself in that moment, you would have realised that you were more afraid of what you could possibly find. Deep down you knew you weren't being foolish that there were heaps of red flags and that you should trust your gut like you normally do but the crippling fear of losing something good was much more crushing to you than the idea of Jin cheating, but that was your mistake, that was the moment in which people would have called you an idiot.

Telling your best friend wasn't an option either considering that Jungkook was also a friend of Jin's and talking to him about this wasn't something that seemed like a good idea, he would most likely back his friend up. Though to Jungkook's credit he was incredibly earnest and loved you dearly, hell you two were practically raised together he was the guy who decked your school bully in the face when he found out you had been getting bullied, he would have most likely comforted you and helped you through this but you decided to be a fool instead. Tricking yourself into thinking that your best friend of many years wouldn't help you or realise Jin's recent behaviour was one of the silliest things you conjured up, but you weren't being honest with yourself and after the fact you realised that but right now you truly were a fool in love, even more that that though, you were a fool in love with love.

A YEAR LATER

An obnoxious bleeping starts coming from your phone, rolling onto your side you blindly reach for your phone on the bed side table and knock something off, you completely ignore it and glare angrily at your phone. It is 12pm and your room is completely blocked out from the midday sunlight, Jungkook is calling you, he does that a lot lately, call you at around 11 or 12 to check on you and make sure you are out of bed. Begrudgingly you answer the insistent ringing, there isn't any point in not answering, he will only continue to ring until you answer. "What do you want Jeon?" you snap at him, which isn't called for he is only being a good friend. He is used to it by now though and it shows in the way he answers "Well hello to you too sunshine, I am calling to make sure you are out of bed before noon but by how grumpy you sound I take it you were still sleeping", you laugh a bit bitterly "yeah and what gave that away Sherlock? you need to stop checking in on me every day, I am doing okay, I get up I shower, I function, I am not a child that needs constant care", he only makes a small humming sound before saying "yeah well, no offence chick but you are still asleep at noon and I know you are not functioning because you haven't left the house since last Wednesday when I made you go grocery shopping and it is now a Thursday". You let out a huff through your nose and replied with a snarky "You don't know that! I could have left my house and you just not know about it, bitch", he laughed a bit at your outburst and said "if that were true you wouldn't have gotten so defensive, child". You pouted a tad at that because you knew you had been had, "whatever loser, also just because you are a couple months older than me doesn't mean you get to call me a child!". You could feel that shit eating grin through the phone screen he always had plastered on his face when he would tease you, "mhm and when you start acting like an adult I will treat you like one, NOW, my get together tomorrow, I am forcing you to come". You really didn't feel up to going out but he is insistent on you going for some reason, "Kook I told you, I am not going, especially since he will be there and I know it has been a year but I cannot stand to look at him", he paused for a bit on the other end as if waiting for you to talk more, before continuing "well missy, you will be happy to know that he cancelled last minute, he said he's got a da- a- uhm, he has a prior engagement he had forgotten about and can't make it. Which luckily for me means that my very best friend can come". Giggling a bit you ignore his slip up trying to push it to the back of your head, "You don't have to butter me up Kook, if he can't make it I will gladly show up, besides I miss everyone heaps", you smile softly thinking about all the boys and how much you have missed their playful bickering. He pipes up over your thoughts of the boys, "yeah, well they all miss you heaps too Y/N," his voice has a touch of sadness to it "but I am glad you are coming and they will be too", you can hear a small 'WOOOH' in the background and you recognise it as Hoseok. You laugh a tad and ask "I assume Hoseok is included in the group of excited?", Kook lets out an amused breath of air, "yeah, he’s staying the night because he claims that his heating is broken but I think he just wants to take the good snacks before tomorrow". A loud "HEY!" comes from the background and you laugh a bit harder, Kook says his goodbyes and you thank him for checking up on you, truly you are grateful for him checking in on you even if he is a pushy brat.

The next morning, well it’s past noon but that is not the point, you wake up and begrudgingly push yourself out of bed with all of the will power you possessed at that current moment. Moving over to your bathroom you shimmy out of your shirt and shorts and hop into the shower, turning the hot water on almost all the way so it practically burnt you alive, you happily scrubbed at your skin humming some new tune you made up on the spot. Once you finished washing yourself you walk over to your closet to decide on what to wear for Kooks get together, you settled on a simple dress that went mid-thigh and had long sleeves, once your outfit was sorted you walked over to your mirror and started doing your make up. You finished getting ready and saw it was still too early to head over to the party, moving over to the couch and sitting there you waited for an appropriate time to head off, settling in and turning on some mindless tv shows for a few hours. By the time 6:30 came around Jungkook had sent you a text asking if you were ready, you replied with a quick “yes, be there soon, loser” and got off the couch walking to the front door and grabbing a denim jacket off the coat rack near the door and walking over to his place.

…

Arriving at Jungkook’s place you walk up the apartment steps and to his front door and just as you’re about to knock, the door swings open to reveal a very happy – and very tipsy –Hoseok. You giggle as he stumbles a bit to the side to let you in, looking up at him you say “started on the drinks before I arrived I see, Hobi”, he looks down at you and smiles brightly before he pulls you into a big embrace and replies “you were taking so long to get here,” he pauses to pull away and look at you as he says “I have missed you heaps though, Y/N”. You smile at him warmly before you smoosh his cheeks together and say how much you missed him as well, which in turn gets you a large toothy grin. Spinning away from you and taking your hand in the process – and stumbling a bit – he tugs you towards the lounge where all the boys are being rowdy like usual, they all greet you happily fighting to get a hug from you, other people amongst the six look along amused and some of them introduce themselves to you which you return slightly awkwardly. After the bombardment of greetings Kook walks over to you and pulls you into his side, he smiles down at you and asks how you are. Telling him you’re doing good and getting better gets him off your back for a while, at least for the rest of the night anyways, he gives you a big smile and a thumbs up – cheesy dork – and moves to seat you with himself and the rest of the party goers and everything goes smoothly for a few hours. But all good things must come to an end, right? Because just as you are feeling great, happy to see all your old friends and making a few new ones the fucker himself walks through the door without even knocking, prick. Everyone in the room pauses to look up after hearing the door shut and you feel like time has stopped and anxiety is slowly creeping down your throat and leaving a sick feeling in your stomach. You look over to Jungkook with a panicked look on your face, one which he mirrors perfectly. You feel like all the effort you have put into getting here just flushed down the drain while last year's events slap you in the motherfucking face.

Last Year

You constantly felt anxious about your current situation, Jin was distant and obviously losing interest in you. Which was always one of your fears, that he would get sick of you and the age gap and go after someone more mature and prettier and has their life together and thinking like this wasn’t getting you anywhere; especially when you were too chicken to even ask if he was cheating on you. Though you pretty much knew the answer at this point. There was always constant buts, maybes and what if’s, like but maybe he isn’t, maybe he still loves you, what if you were just being ridiculous. You were in a constant state of denial even though you were a smart girl and knew the telltale signs, it really was ridiculous how far you were pushing this whole denial thing. It took you walking in on him to realise how stupid you were being.

It was a Friday after work and you had told Jin you were going out with friends and wouldn’t be back until late but everyone flaked last minute because of the rain and you were frustrated by it, seeing as you really needed a night out and a drink... or six. You thought since everyone flaked you would just go home and maybe hang with Jin, though he probably wouldn’t want to, he would probably come up with some half assed excuse to sit in the other end of the apartment away from you. You let out a half sigh and half grunt as you walked up the stairs of your apartment complex, the damn elevator was still broken and was becoming a real inconvenience. Your day was just not so great and you were becoming increasingly more unhinged with your anger. Despite your anger you felt the need to walk into your own house as quietly and slowly as possible, as you walked through the threshold you felt like something was off, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it and if someone asked you to explain yourself, you definitely wouldn’t have been able to put it in a way anyone would understand. Even so, as you stood there looking down the hallway you felt inexplicable pain a feeling of uneasiness settling over you and that’s when you heard it, the moans. You paused halfway down the corridor when you heard them again, you wanted to leave; everything in your body pushing you to leave but you wanted so badly to know who the dickhead was cheating on you with. So, despite yourself you turned the knob and walked in and nothing could have prepared you for the sight you walked in on. There in your own bed was Jin and your sister going at it, you were shocked still, no words could form in your head, and when you had processed the scene a bit more your eyes welled up in tears. They hadn’t noticed you in the doorway and were still fucking like wild animals, your sister yelling like a bloody banshee, the tears in your eyes started to fall and you turned around and slammed the door behind you stomping off down the hallway. In the room you could hear Jin curse and stumble over himself to get out of the room, he walked out into the kitchen where you were standing, trying to collect yourself. Scrubbing at your eyes and turning around you could see he was about to open his fat trap, holding up one hand effectively stopping him from getting the chance, hearing his excuses was the last thing you wanted to do that night. If he wanted to talk, he had all those months to do so and he didn’t, making him forfeit his chance to in that moment. Letting out a sigh and standing up taller you said to him as calmly as you could “what do you want from me Jin? Because you don’t want my companionship, you clearly don’t want my body, you don’t talk to me anymore, hell! You barley even look at me”, your voice was starting to crack, it was making you feel weak, like you weren’t angry but oh were you angry. He thought your were done but you so weren’t, he started to open his mouth again, “uh!,” you held up your hand effectively shutting him up, “I am so not done, I have been sitting around this house, I have been working and I have been putting my faith in you for the past however many months”, your hands were waving about, like it would get your point across better. “And I have had it! I will not sit here and let you string me along, I am not here for your amusement Jin!, I AM A PERSON!, A VERY ANGRY ONE AT THAT!”, you dropped your hands, your sister was coming out of the room and down the hallway, she was apologising “Y/n I am so sorry, please forgive me, I’m so sorry” she kept repeating the words like they held more meaning the more she said them, she even had the audacity to cry. The tears were threatening to come back and you did not want to continue to cry in front of them, moving over to your purse you picked it up and headed to the door, they weren’t worth all this effort you were expending and all you wanted was to curl up in bed and cry but you couldn’t even do that because they had tainted your own fucking apartment, Jin kept trying to stop you but your weren’t having any of it, “Y/n, please, stay and talk to me” your sister a meter behind him still crying like she’s the one who was cheated on, you made eye contact with Jin “No, there is nothing to talk about” you gave a very tight lipped smile hoping to be facetious but there were still tears spilling from your eyes. You walked to the door before turning last second and storming up to your sister, you slapped her across the face, hard, the resounding crack prominent throughout the room; the sound it made satisfied you. Your sister was shocked glued to the spot saying nothing, you squinted at her “no words now huh?”, “Y/N!” Jin made a move towards you to restrain you but you pushed him off, “DO NOT, touch me…”, you trailed to the door and opened it, stopping in the doorway you tilted your head back “you two deserve each other”, and with that you left; the door slamming behind you.

That night you had no where to go, so you went to the one place you knew you would be welcomed and comforted, Jungkook’s. And truth be told, you were glad you went there. He was the only man you ever trusted whole heartedly, apart from Jin but look how that turned out. Your trust in relationships and others had significantly fallen after that night, not just because of some boy but because your own sister who you had been on good terms with and had always loved and trusted did this to you. She was your big sister and you shared everything with each other but the fact that she could do this to you at all was unforgivable and as far as you were concerned she was no longer your sister. Her betrayal cut deep, you were never really on good terms with your family; in fact you were quite estranged from them. Your sister was always on good terms with the family though, in fact she was quite the favourite - she kept her mouth shut even if she disagreed with some peoples values. However, even if the family disliked you, she payed it no mind and was always there for you. And as you continued to grow the family had also grown, they had grown to be displeased with you. It wasn’t because of anything you were involved with, you weren’t a drug mule or anything but you had strong opinions and you weren’t one to stand by and listen to the stupid shit that old men spouted about. You had a big mouth and that left you the black sheep of the family, your ideals didn’t line up with theirs so you had been unofficially kicked from the family. You were still invited to big family events like weddings and birthdays, but it was rare that you would go and the invitations were just a show for the family friends. Now you were certain you would never see the family again, not after slapping her, she may be the cheater but she was also the golden child.

Jin had tried to contact you that night after you left, he called, texted, so did your sister, but you had switched your phone off and been crying into Jungkook’s shoulder. He had been patient and waited for you to stop crying before he asked for a proper explanation, he was a good friend like that. You had been trying to explain yourself but all that came out was choked sobs and garbling that resembled words, he had managed to pick up words like, “cheater”, “he cheated”, and mentions of your sisters name. As he waited he got increasingly more worried about you, he comforted you as best he could, shushing you and telling you to “just breathe and tell me what happened, darl”. It took the better half of an hour to get you calm enough to explain what had happened. As you explained what had happened Jungkook’s worry had slowly morphed into one of anger, he couldn’t believe that his own friend would do this to you, hurt you like this. He felt responsible, after all he was the one who introduced you to Jin.

The next few weeks were you staying at Kooks, he kept saying it was the least he could do. Jin wouldn’t leave your shared apartment and he wouldn’t stop messaging you, he kept texting shit like “I know you’ll need your stuff back eventually and when that happens we will talk”. You didn’t wanna bother Kook so you started sneaking back to the apartment when you knew Jin wasn’t there and taking stuff back slowly. You were going to find a new place, you couldn’t live there anymore, the hard part was getting all your shit back. Jin had started to notice and came knocking on Jungkook’s door, it took him a while to realise you were staying here but he figured it out and when he did you were the only one there, Kook was out getting snacks for the movie night you were going to have. Jin had resorted to pounding on the door and yelling at you, “Y/n! C’mon I know that you’re in there, you wouldn’t go anywhere else, I was willing to wait for you to come to the apartment but I’ve noticed you’ve started to take your stuff back, please talk to me”. You couldn’t bear to look at him let alone hold a conversation, you had started to cry without realising. When he arrived you were in the kitchen, you had started walking to the door thinking that Jungkook locked himself out but the moment Jin started talking you knew you were wrong. He started to talk more and you were already at the front door, you placed your back against the wall next to it and slowly slid down with your hand over your mouth muffling your crying. He was letting up on the knocking, slowly turning it into occasional loud bangs, you could hear him let out a loud sigh, “listen you’re being ridiculous, come out here and talk to my face like an adult, let me explain myself please, I- I love you, just please talk to me”. Him telling you to act like an adult made you angry, like he was being an adult when he fucked your sister, and the ‘I love you’ made you angrier. When you heard the words you had actually audibly scoffed at it “If you loved me Jin you wouldn’t have cheated, I don’t want your explanation, it doesn’t mean anything to me”, your voice was small but he could hear it. What you had said caused him to hit the door, at the sound you jumped, “Y/n, you’re such a fucking kid sometimes. OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR-” he started to yell but was cut off, Jungkook was back from the corner store. You couldn’t hear what they were saying but you heard Kooks angry mumbles and then you heard him tell Jin to “fuck off dude, you’re not making this any better”. Jin had seemingly relented and left. Jungkook watched Jin walk to the elevator and watch it close before he unlocked the door and walked in, as he walked in he looked down and to the left and saw you there, trembling slightly from your crying. To him you looked so small and fragile, curled up in yourself with tear stained cheeks. You looked up at Jungkook shaking slightly, he reached down for you and pulled you up into a hug, which you returned. Grateful to have Jungkook in your life and also feeling guilty for uprooting his for the past month and a half.

Another month passed and you had found an apartment that was perfect, you told Jungkook one morning about it, your laptop in front of you on the breakfast bar in his kitchen - living with him resulted in him mothering you, making you get up in the morning, cooking for you. This morning he was wondering around making breakfast for you both. You loved him but you felt like you were a burden and you didn’t want to be holding him back, he may be mad at Jin now but they were still good friends and you didn’t hold that against him, you knew he wouldn’t stay mad at Jin forever and you didn’t expect him to. So, you bring up the apartment, two bedroom, one bathroom, good size and relatively cheap - for how good it was anyways. You looked at his moving back as he cooked bacon on the stovetop, “it’s good Kook, roomy but not too much room so I feel alone, it’s in a good spot - near yours actually, couple blocks at the most, I haven’t applied yet because I need the rest of my stuff back but I think I will get it and I want to give you your apartment back” he hummed an acknowledgement, he knew you thought he wanted you gone but he actually liked having you around he liked having you as a roommate, he also liked being able to keep an eye on you, you lacked motivation, sometimes you were filled with apathy and indifference and sometimes you were overwhelmed with your emotions and filled with anxiety with no seeming cause. He knew these things about you so he liked being able to give you the push you needed and to just be there when you needed someone to rely on. He wanted to talk you out of leaving, to just wait a bit but you seemed determined and motivated for the first time in a while so he decided to be supportive but he was mostly sold because the place was only a couple blocks from his. He took the bacon off the stove and put it onto two plates, he turned around and put his hands on the kitchen island and looked at you “So, it’s close and cheap and what you want?” He asked, raising a brow at you. You smiled back at him “yep, it’s close, cheap, and what I want. I just need you to take Jin out or something this weekend and give me the day to get my stuff together, there shouldn’t be much left in there”, Jungkook kept his eyes on you seemingly thinking over the idea before he stood straight and clapped his hands together, grinning a bit “I will do you one better darl, I’ll kick him out of the place for the day whilst we collect your shit”. You giggled a bit at his enthusiasm, he was happy to see you laugh, “You don’t have to Kook, I can do it, you’ve already done so much for me” he looked at you pointedly “think again chick, if I can’t keep you here under my watchful care, then I sure am helping you move your stuff”, you opened your mouth to protest but he was prepared, he shoved a bit of bacon in your mouth and said “it is final, I’ve decided” he laughed and you laughed too while eating the bit of bacon.

True to his word Jungkook had managed to get Jin out of the apartment for the day, you don’t know how he did it, all you know is that he had gone over the day before and told him. When you asked him he put on his best suburban white mum tone and said “I had a few choice words with him, Susan, don’t worry about it, a few choice words, mmhmm” that made you laugh quite a bit and you dropped the subject since he obviously wasn’t going to tell you what he had said. So, there you were getting all your stuff, the place felt so foreign to you now. You had loved Jin in this apartment and he had loved you, so fully and with grace and those feelings of loving him felt so out of place now. When you think of him your whole heart fills with pain instead of love and you can’t help but stand in the middle of the lounge room and stare at nothing for a bit, lost in what used to be your own house. Jungkook noticed and pulled you to his side “hey, we won’t be here long, just for the day, yeah? And then we will get you into that swanky new apartment” you gave a lopsided smile at that and gave a quiet “yeah”. With that you two got into the groove of collecting everything and taping it into a designated box, moving up and down the stairs - damn elevator still broken - and to Kook’s car and filling it, you had one more box to take down the stairs. You lifted it and Jungkook took it off you and started running out the apartment “HEY! Don’t drop it shit head!” He cackled as he jogged down the steps. You looked around the apartment one last time, a sense of finality washing over you - tears welling up in your eyes, you walked out and locked the door. You took the key off of your keychain and slipped it under the door, you wiped at the few tears that managed to escape and started walking down the steps to Kooks car. Jungkook was leaning against his car waiting for you, trying to be all cool no doubt. Walking up to him and laughing you said “stand up straight you loser, you ain’t fly”, he laughed a bit at that “no fooling you is there?” You smiled up at him and he pulled you into a hug and swayed you a bit. Just as he let you go Jin’s car pulled up next to Jungkook’s, he leant down next to your ear “get in the car, I’ll talk to him”, thankful you pulled away and got into the car just as Jin was getting out of his. Kook walked up to him and Jin tried to push past him, Jungkook pushed him back a bit by a hand on his chest, they were far enough away for you to not be able to hear anything they were saying.

Jin wasn’t happy that Jungkook wouldn’t let him talk to you and Jungkook wasn’t happy about how insistent he was being. Jin looked at him “she is my girlfriend man let me talk to her!” Jungkook squinted at him “was she was your girlfriend, you fucked it up when you fucked her sister” Jungkook pushed him back a bit more to get him out of his space “truth is Jin, you weren’t good to her, hardly were, you didn’t and you don’t deserve her and I can’t think of any time in the future when you will” he stopped for a moment to let his words sink in more. He wasn’t done though “Listen Jin, you’re a good friend but if it came down to it I’d choose her, we were practically raised together and I always protected her when we were kids, I’m not about to stop. So, you leave her alone from now on and I will try my damn hardest not to judge you for what you’ve done and continue to be friends… deal?”. Jin paused for a bit, to Jungkook it looked like he was going over his options he was just given, he looked to you in the car, you were looking at Jungkook and then to Jin - making eye contact with him before you turned away quickly - he made up his mind at that, “yeah, man deal, whatever, you have her if you want her that damn bad”. Jungkook scoffed at that “for your sake, I am going to pretend I didn’t hear those stupid fucking words leave your mouth” and with that the conversation was over and he walked over to the car, getting in and driving away.

As you drove in silence you looked over to Kook, he looked so tense, his mouth drawn into a straight line. You poked his side lightly “everything okay Kook?” He looked over to you for a second and gave you a small smile before turning back to the road, “yeah, darl, everything’s peachy”. What he said caused you to sigh a bit, you felt so guilty about the strain this put on his relationship with Jin, you turned to look out the window “I’m really sorry Kook”. Jungkook’s frown deepened at that, you thought this was your fault and it was in no way your fault, you weren’t the one that cheated. He placed his hand on your knee, “Y/n, this is in no way your fault, yeah? As far as I am concerned, he did this to himself” you glanced over to him, he pulled into his apartment complex and parked the car. As he set the car in park he unbuckled his seat belt and then grabbed one of your hands, moving his head to catch your eyes, forcing you to maintain eye contact, “Really, Y/n, I do not blame you and you certainly should not blame yourself, okay?”, you couldn’t hold his intense eye contact and looked away. As you moved your face away one of his hands moved from holding your own and came up to your cheek and moved your face back to make eye contact with him, he wanted you to see the sincerity in his eyes, “okay?” He asked again, more insistent than the last. Holding his gaze you gave in, tears welling in your eyes again “…okay” you all but whispered, you sniffled a bit and Jungkook moved his hands away while your own came up to wipe your eyes, “ugh, I’m so sick of crying” you gave a humourless laugh and Jungkook pulled you in for a hug and mumbled into your hair “it’ll get better darl, I can’t tell you when or how but one day you’ll wake up and it will hurt less then the day before and it will continue like that until it doesn’t hurt anymore”. You sniffed into his shirt “thank you, Kook, so much”, he squeezed you a bit before asking, “for what?”. You held him a bit closer “everything, for always being here for me”, he pulled you off of him and smiled at you “always”.

Another couple months later and you had been set up in your ‘swanky’ new apartment as Jungkook kept saying. Everything was comfortable, you fell into a bit of a slump though, after everything was comfortably in and you were living there, you had lost motivation, no goal for you to strive for, you started falling into a bad sleeping pattern, up all night and asleep most of the day. You kept quiet about it though, you didn’t want to bother Jungkook, he’d already done so much for you and you didn’t want to worry him more. That being said, it didn’t take him long to catch wind of your little rut and so, he made a habit of calling you and making sure you’re awake. As well as coming over at least a couple times a week, unless he was busy. You had made it explicitly clear that if he wasn’t going to stop checking in on you, you cannot and will not take priority over other plans. He had begrudgingly agreed to your term.

Back To The Present Fella’s

Yours and Jungkook’s expression mirror each others, he moves a bit as if to shield you from Jin. Jin hadn’t noticed you were there yet but the way he was looking around made it pretty clear he was checking to see if you were here. Tugging on Kooks jumper you whisper into his ear “Don’t do anything, I can just pretend like I never saw him”, Jungkook looks down at you “You sure?”. Giving him a slight nod you turn your body into the group to join in on the conversation again, when you look across the room you see Hobi looking at you. He mouths “are you good?”, bless his soul, even in his intoxicated state he checks in on you. You chuck a thumbs up and throw a little wink his way, he giggles a bit at that but next to you Jungkook can feel your nervous shaking. Even if you are trying to convince your brain you’re fine, your body is not having it, the spike in anxiety is causing you to shake and you can’t do anything to stop it. You hate feeling like this, he makes you feel so emotionally weak. The idea of talking to him kills you inside because you know if he sees you that is exactly what he is going to do, you haven’t told Jungkook but he still calls and messages sometimes. It’s gotten rare but he still does - mainly small apologies or short talk to me’s and you never pick up his calls or listen to his short voicemails - you didn’t wanna drag yourself deeper down the pit; you know he wants to explain himself but what is there to explain. Talking to him will only hurt you more and in the long run it’s a bad move for you both. However, that fact doesn’t stop him from placing a hand on your shoulder and asking to talk to you. When he places his hand on you, you freeze shocked and when you hear his voice you curl in on yourself. Jungkook turns around to look at Jin, getting ready to tell him to piss off. Stopping him, you get up off the couch and move away into the kitchen. There are significantly less party goers in here and it’s a quieter place for you to tell Jin off for hopefully the last time. You square yourself up hoping that if you make yourself look physically okay that you’ll feel okay as well. Frustration was building up in you, you were getting better, it was going slowly but you were improving and you were doing it on your own. It wasn’t fair that he could walk in and tear that all down, you wouldn’t let him do that, not this time and not ever again. He followed closely behind you and stopped a bit behind you to give you space. You turned around to face him after giving yourself a bit of a pep talk. You look him dead in the eyes and keep your voice as calm and unwavering possible “are you going to say what you want to say? Because I’m getting sick of this Jin” he looked back at you with as much defiance as you had looked at him with. He started to move closer but stopped when he saw the fire in your eyes practically daring him to try and come any closer, he looked down and sighed and then looked back into your eyes. “Y/n, you may not believe me but I really am sorry it came to you walking in on us like that, the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you-”, you cut him off “Okay I’ve heard enough, even if I did believe that you didn’t want to hurt me; which to make it clear, I don’t, that’s exactly what you did, purposeful or not, I don’t think you regret what you did I think you regret getting caught. I think you’re here looking for some type of validation or blessing from me for you to continue to fuck my sister”. You paused to glare at him to see if your assumptions were correct and in the way he was fidgeting you guess you were spot on, “You may not have to forgive me Y/n, but you have to at least try to talk to your sister, she feels awful about what happened”. He said that like it meant anything to you, like it was some God given fact that you have to forgive your sister, “Good, she should feel awful, Jin, you both should, you did a horrible thing to me and I don’t have to forgive either of you for shit. You fucked around together and are feeling guilty and looking to me for some type of redemption or forgiveness but if I’m being honest I’m not feeling real forgiving, I’m not in the mood to forgive either of you and I highly doubt I ever will be”. He was getting increasingly more frustrated and when that happened he tended to say nasty shit just to take you down a peg, to belittle you, like you didn’t have a point or a right in what you were saying. You looked at him firmly “Go ahead, Jin, say what you really want to say” your voice had unintentionally gotten louder and Jin’s did the same, “You’re being so goddamn SELFISH Y/N! Your sister is your family! She deserves to be forgiven”. As he said that you suddenly realised he never defended you like that, not even when you thought you were both in love and you could feel your heart break a bit more at that. You looked down to gather all your thoughts “I didn’t think she was like my family but I see clearly now she is, you know what my relationship with my family is like and you know damn well I don’t owe anything to any of them let alone her, not now anyway!” Your voice was rising in noise with each word. He was starting to get furious, on her behalf and it was only serving to piss you off more because you know damn well he wouldn’t do this for you, “You wanna know why I cheated Y/n! Because you’re a goddamn child who knows absolutely nothing, you aren’t mature! She is better than you and that’s why the family fucking hates you and adores her! SO FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMN LIFE ACT LIKE AN ADULT!”. What he said shocked you to your core, he knew about your fear of him liking someone more mature and he had always told you that you were the one he loved, that you were enough even if you were younger but in this moment you see just how much of a liar he his. The comment about your sister being better than you was also a hit below the belt, he did it on purpose, you were always a bit jealous of your sister being the golden child and it hurt to always hear your family say how much better than you she is but to hear it from him as well, well it felt like your world had collapsed.

Your eyes welled up in tears and Jungkook ran into the kitchen having heard the yelling getting louder, he looked at you and he seemed he was about ready to rip Jin a new asshole. Looking at him with wide eyes and shaking your head slightly you turned back to Jin, your tears were about ready to fall down your face and you knew once they did they wouldn’t stop, so trying to be strong you said to him with a sad and broken smile on your face “That was a low blow Jin, I am not a child just because I don’t agree with you and won’t listen to what you say, that doesn’t make me a child, it makes me independent”. Sniffling a bit you move past him and to Kook you lean up on your tippy toes to whisper in his ear, “I’m going home, thanks for inviting me over Kook, I had fun”. You kissed his cheek and moved to the door, unlike last time you shut a door on Jin you weren’t angry, you were hurting, you felt so much pain that you felt like you were going numb. Just before you shut the door you turned back to Jin with tears slipping down your face, “I really did love you, and you didn’t love me at all and the only thing that hurts more than that is the fact that you can’t even admit you never loved me” you shut the door quietly and left.

When you had left Jin felt like the absolute worst person in the world, he felt terrible for what he said and he felt even worse because he knew everything you had said was right. You didn’t owe him or your sister anything, the look on your face when you left crushed him. You were so incredibly sad and still trying your best to hide it, the sad smile on your face as you told him you had really loved him ruined him. The big sad eyes that shed tears as you told him that you knew he never loved you shook him deep, he had tried to love you. You were amazing to him, strong, you took care of yourself even when it seemed like you were going through hell. He knew he didn’t love you but he felt like he could try and at some point your sister had become so much more alluring to him and he dropped you but he also didn’t want to let you go, he was selfish and arrogant. When you had walked away and he saw just how defeated you were. He realised that he did that to you, he took the strong, independent girl, he admired and crippled her soul and he will never forgive himself for that and with the way Jungkook was staring at him he could tell he never would either, Jungkook kicked him out after you left saying that if he didn’t get the fuck out he “wouldn’t be responsible for any injuries you sustain staying in this house”.

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