#drunk tales

[murder0us-0wl]

Drunk Bakugou: icyhot. I gotta tell u smthn, you cant tell ANYONE

Todoroki: ok?

Bakugou: i like deku. DONT TELL HIM OK?

Todoroki: ………when did you start liking him?

Bakugou:. . . 8 years ago?

Todoroki watching Bakugou pet deku’s hair as he lays passed out on his husbands lap: . . . I wont tell anyone

[rezdoggz]

Getting drunk for Halloween! Send me in your scariest stories!!

[widevibratobitch]

So yeah, I just remembered a thing from yesterday, my friend's b-day party...

So in the middle of the party, when everyone was already in various states of alcohol affected, I suddenly stood up from the coach and went straight to the kitchen where a few people were chatting. So I come in and am like EVERYBODY IT'S IMPORTANT do you wanna hear a joke? And they look at me like ??? and do you know what joke I told? Get fuckin ready, Polish followers, because you're the only ones who are gonna get it.

Przychodzi Eliza Orzeszkowa do lekarza, a lekarz...

...nad Niemnem.

(Eliza Orzeszkowa goes to the doctor, and the doctor's...

...on the Niemen.)

Kurtyna.

I'm a disappointment.

[what-is-this-random-stuff]

The fact that I am still awake right now is hilarious to me. Especially considering that I confessed my undying love for Ben Hardy to my housemate. I love drunk me hahaha!!

[dellalyra]

Apparently I made popcorn at 2am then proceeded to cry over how much I love my dog and he’ll never know

[trashy-greyjoy]

@ravenbellclarke oh girl ok. 

so i was talking to a guy on tinder for like 2 weeks maybe, snap chatting him too so i THOUGHT i knew what he looked like because i THOUGHT snapchat was reliable (plot twist its not). and he wanted to meet me. 

now I'm not stupid. so i was house sitting for my father in the city over the summer and he said i could have people over as long as i cleaned up. so i had like 3 people there and he wanted to come over. now i was drunk™ (not like to where i was stumbling or out of it, but like i was loud and giggly). but i talked to my friend and she said shed watch out for me if i drank anymore or he tried to be a fuckhole. 

so he finally gets there and i open the door and i swear to fucking gawd, this fucker looks about 12 FUCKING YEARS OLD. he's like 4 inches shorter than me, has the patchiest, grossest flesh colored “”””beard””””, and this shit head HAS BRACES. like... did he steal his moms car to drive there he looked sooooooo young.

anyway, i didn't want to be a bitch and like kick him out right away, i walked him to the table where everyone was playing poker (a table that included my ex but thats besides the point) and my best friend was sitting there trying so hard not to laugh. 

so he's there almost 2 hours it felt like (probably shorter but it felt like eternity) and he doesn't say a fucking thing. like i tried to talk to him to be nice and he'd just nod. (** he was also aware that there were other people there**)

after a while everyone besides him and my best friend went downstairs to play video games and then, my best friend left to use the bathroom. now here i am, drunka and uncomfortable™ trying to not pay attention when i feel a clammy, cold hand on my thigh. so i just like pretended not to notice. and then he starts kneading my thigh flesh like a cat. like just awkwardly squeezing my leg. and then. 

then. he's like “hey” in the weirdest voice ever. and i look up and he just like tries to kiss me. and i moved away but he like caught the upper corner of my mouth WITH HIS OPEN MOUTH. and when i mean open, i mean like he just opened his mouth and put it on my face. it was so bad. 

now i hate confrontation. i hate it so at the time i didn't want to kick him out (lol this was like a year ago so id definitely throw him out a window now) but anyway.

so my genius, drunk, ass was like oh man i gotta go to the bathroom and i went in there and texted my best friend to bring me a glass of water. and she came in and basically, i pretended to get sick by making puking sounds and dumping the water in the toilet and then sending my friend out to tell him i was sick and he should leave......

but.

yeah.

it was a long

awkward story.

[rezdoggz]

Liquor acquired, time to make sangrias.

[rezdoggz]

I got drunk last night and was using sign language instead of speaking and apparently was being really annoying so that’s fun.