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i want to be feminine in a masculine way, i want to be masculine in an androgynous way, and i want to be androgynous in a feminine way

#hnghgg i want all the gender while being perceived as none #trans #nonbinary #gender #dude.txt

because of zoom meetings and stuff, i’ve been looking at people’s faces a lot more, it’s interesting! i normally spend less than 3 seconds looking at people’s faces because for some reason it seems that the only acceptable time to look at people is when they’re talking??? which i don’t understand even remotely.

whenever i try to look at someone’s face when they aren’t talking they always ask me “what?” after like less than a microsecond?? idk what to respond to that other than looking away because i’ve tried saying “nothing” many times but then they always further reply with inquiries about what i’m doing looking at their face as if it’s weird to even look at them?? as if it’s my fault faces are interesting?? i can’t focus on processing visual information while talking so obviously i have to do it when i’m not! it’s become so standard to be either scolded or excessively questioned when just looking at people that i just don’t anymore or feel weird about it!

but anyway, because people can’t call me out for staring at them on zoom and stuff i’ve been looking at faces more and it’s honestly kind of surprising seeing what people look like. i don’t think i know what my family looks like when i’m not looking at them lol