B) @galaxitesideblog - Tumblr Blog

something something to be loved is to be changed

i think being able to identify and deconstruct an irrational feeling should make it go away. i literally solved your riddle puzzle master can u let me OUT the damn TORTURE LABYRINTH

vent art to unpack tkmorrow or smthn idk

#we are #uhhhh #gonna be okay #scared to open the DID convo w the therapist but might be necessary #more than i am in a completely bad state it’s like just enough of a corner of our mind is convinced everythign is doomed that we are like #idk #derealizing as a whole #the only blind goals and motivations we have are wanting to figure out income somehow despite being tbis sort of a state of just #fuck all end all #and the paranoia about falling asleep is creeping back #like well sleep throufh an emergency #miss the sirens and the call to run #i want to sleep. i do #it’s like i. can’t #or else

im going to yeah

#dude.txt #ohhhh man

indie-hills

Details on my Villain Waterboy!

He's not all that bad :) he meets Flambae at a bar and he scares off some guys for Herman, and our boy is determined to help Flambae back. (Warning for SH scars further down)

And here's him trying to help Flambae while completely ditching his job.

But you may be wondering: why does he look so down in the animation? Which I would like to highlight some amazing responses to the hints I dropped.

He has no funding. His grandmother passed seven years ago, and he is 27 now. He is struggling to be in a good place mentally, but he's made progress. One thing he believes is that he can never be anything good or heroic, but he tries. For her. Even if he has already done terrible things (not out of malice, but more necessity) His self-esteem is nearly nonexistent. Overall, he doesn't really know if he is good or not, so he's stuck between believing he can't help and trying desperately to.

Flambae is probably one of the first examples he has seen of a hero that used to be like him, but he changed so he could help others. Herman doesn't want a light like that to be snuffed out so he will drop everything to help.

Herman had all the potential to be a hero. All he needed was something to fight for. Unfortunately, when his grandma passed, he lost that.

That's why I think Robert could redeem him AND ILL MAKE A PART 2

iwillbitenotongue

knew from a young age that i was weird and unfixable

lyraeon

who taught you that suffering in silence was noble, and how would you shutting up have benefited them?

lyraeon

this also counts for all those times you kept your mouth shut and didn't complain because you were being polite, and people would gladly have changed things if you had just asked. your suffering was not noble. you do not get a cookie for it, you do not get a tally mark next to your soul's score for grinning and bearing it. your suffering serves no purpose. break free of it. you deserve comfort.

nxeity

death is a scary thought but i cant stop thinking about it

#dude.txt #yeah #haha yeah

kosmogrl

clacy2812

The Kofi voters really want to lick him thats for sure

gets in my head about mom pointing out the dishwasher twice

#silly how can you have such severe inability to take care of things daily #this is not a symptom of something surely it’s a fault somewhere deep inside #i feel like i’m stupid for not trying to use the dishwasher but there’s no space to do anything in ways that make sense #twice as long to do half as much per two hours #three hours #cant even be on our feet for 3 hours without hitting the ceiling #if this is our job we suck at it #system assigned caregiving crisis #melk.txt

day 5000 of having major stupid issues that make me feel like a whiny selfish baby

#jay.txt #there is a hopeless void that opened in me and won’t close #i want to have promises fulfilled i want to believe people mean what they say #matters too much and feels stupid that it mattered at all

thefluxsystem

You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?

The emotional amnesia.

Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.

You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.

It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?

And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.

watching someone do Not The Best coping mechanisms as a guy with too many opinions is crazy hard i want to bonk tbis guy on the head but that won’t help him at all

#jay.txt #in sys drama #if you could even call it that #not saying who for privacy but like. nooooo don’t develop damaging coping mechanisms you’re so hot and cool and sexy haha #burdened by knowing ab the system goings on but not being able to get out of my little zone to interact directly w people #its like passing notes through the system it’s maddening #i will learn to get to more than my spot and the front room but i think rn im still in the agoraphobia era #i also can’t judge too hard on coping but i think i’m just worried for the guy #parasocial relationships in the system more at 5 #if i can get ahold of him i wonder if he’d let me talk to him about stuff #thinking back to our therapist once upon a time who sucked but said that any coping is better than none but i do want to like #make sure he knows he’s not alone ??#once again the fact we’re in the same sys and i feel parasocial as hell is nuts #im cut off from so much of the system so it makes sense i guess #anguish posting on a tuesday

having a bad time with our thoughts and it is sucking so bad

#over the course of the day it’s like i’ve managed to convince myself i am truly holding people back in life by being so disorganized #idk #jay.txt

i dont even know how to make this funny or light hearted they way i am just personally spiralling about never letting myself hope for things. any time i do hope for something is a plague that i didnt allow. a pathogen that breached every barrier. i feel better constantly expecting nothing than i do getting let down. i hate wanting and hoping and if i can cut it out of myself i will. ill be grateful for everything i get but at least i wont hope for it

#jay.txt #youd think it wouldve stuck some point in our childhood that anyone and everyone can and will let you down #everything that you want is received more easily if you never expected to get it whatsoever

it is realizing how much i allow people to let me down and dampen my hopes o'clock

#jay.txt #guy who is doomed by the narrative to suffer #what if i just never trusted any promise again (again) and also never got my hopes up (itll always fail #ill always get them up anyway #and then theyll fall harder than i can handle)#back to writing things to comfort myself like an insane little freak

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