hello please rank the shitheads on our patented Dumbness Scale. (well, rank them again. for The People.)
WHAT A GOOD QUESTION THIS IS THAT I DEFINITELY HAVEN’T ANSWERED BEFORE.
Some general rules about the Dumbness Scale for the uninitiated (which is………..literally everyone who wasn’t in my car on Saturday):
The more self-aware you are, the less dumb you are.
If you think you’re not on the dumbness list, you are probably pretty close to the “Most Dumb” end of the list.
The shitheads’ Dumbness Scale exists in universe as a series of post-it notes in a particular order on the wall in Washington’s office. For a long time, no one can figure out what they indicate until one day Laf is meeting with Washington and he switches some around the the lightbulb goes off in Laf’s head. He manages to keep it secret for all of five minutes before he excitedly explains to everyone how he cracked the code.
Martha is Displeased when she finds out about it, for sure.
In order from Least Dumb to Most Dumb (on average, they shift around sometimes):
Herc
Eliza
Molly
Burr
Laf
Angelica
Alex and John in a constant tie for last place*
* Alex and John are the rare exception to both rules one and two–they are very self-aware regarding their dumbness, but deffo belong on the bottom of the list and know it.
Laf, Molly, and Burr switch places most often. Alex and John switch places least often. The summer that Peggy stops Alex from Making Bad Choices ends with Washington making a post-it for Peggy, putting it about six inches above the top of the list, and then taking Alex’s post-it and putting it in the bottom drawer of his desk all by itself.