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@Thebeastisyou asked what my favourite Dorian Gray adaptation is and the answer is far too long to be put in an ask. Plus I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me this so I’m really sorry for the monster post about to be unleashed.

(As a quick bit of background- TPoDG has been my favourite novel since I was 18 and in my final year of undergrad I took a paper on European lit and their adaptations. My friends and I decided to go above and beyond which is why I have seen a frankly absurd amount of Madame Bovary, Anna Karenina, Frankenstein, and Dorian Gray adaptations. I haven’t seen every adaptation of TPoDG but I have seen most and written papers on them so whoo!)

First of all, let’s talk the straight (heh, but also unfortunately true) adaptations- 1945 and 2009. When my lecturer introduced the 1945 film he said that it was both a good Dorian Gray adaptation and also just a good film. He was wrong. Okay, that’s not quite true. I think if I had never read the book I would have found it a fine film and I know what they were going for but oh my gosh is Dorian boring in this. They were trying to have him be this living statue which certainly makes sense but a really important part of Dorian’s character is that he is not a living statue. Everyone tries to make him a piece of art in spite of how very alive Dorian is. And then there is the 2009 film. This was the film that made me want to read the book. Such a disappointment. There were some good things in here, such as the implications surrounding Dorian’s abuse and at it’s a pretty film? Not as pretty as a Dorian Gray film should be but literally none of them are. I will say that Ben Barnes should have been a really good Dorian but they just take away most of his personality. There are flashes of Dorian but most of the time it’s ‘oh I’m pretty and evil and I’m going to mope about my immortality’ shut up Dorian mopes about a lot of things but in the book he doesn’t even realise he’s immortal. A Dorian who is barely fifty does not get to complain. But the real problem with this film is Henry, who has gone from this inescapable ball of charisma to a guy having a midlife crisis. They also somehow manage to strip most of the sexual tension out of Henry and Dorian’s relationship which is just not on. Honestly if you want to see Colin Firth’s Henry Wotton watch Kingsman because that is a lot more accurate. Also both of these films have Dorian redeeming himself because he’s in love with a female relative of Henry or Basil and hahahahaha screw that noise. Also none of them actually stick to the plot of the second half of the book and instead add a bunch of nonsense. Points for actually being set in the 1800s, negative points for almost everything else. 1945 is technically a better film, but 2009 has more eye candy and is just more fun. Basil is pretty good in both.

Now, for Speculative Adaptations we have two big ones. There is really no competition between them. Penny Dreadful is a good show, though I find season two an absolute slog and let’s not talk about that finale. On the Frankenstein end I highly recommend season 1 (Seasons 2 and 3 are rubbish for Victor characterisation but slightly better for the creature). Dorian is very clearly there as fanservice because they have no idea what to do with him. None. In season 1 his relationship with Vanessa is interesting but they talk again once after that. In season 2, why was he there? Aside from, you know, ‘Dorian Gray is evil aren’t you shocked!’ And in season 3 he’s just hanging out with Lily being bored. I don’t know why this is, like, at all. I mean it’s not like a show where the main bad guy is The Devil would have anything to do with a character who sold his soul to the Devil. Who already is shown to have an eerie similarity to Vanessa, who is meant to be the Devil’s bride. What impact could this character ever have on the plot. Also Reeve Carney was good the first time I saw it but when I rewatched I quickly realised he was a) not young enough and b) not good enough at hiding his American accent. So without hesitation the winner here is The Confessions of Dorian Gray. This is a radio series by Big Finish (all hail) with the very basic premise of ‘what if Dorian didn’t kill himself at the end of the book’. ‘And is also not a fictional character’. This is my second favourite adaptation over all for one very simple reason: BEST. DORIAN. No contest. There aren’t even runners up (sorry Ben, I love you but not your best). Alex Vlahos is charming. Witty. Cheeky. He perfectly conveys the horror of everything Dorian gets dragged into, and the exhaustion of being immortal and being utterly alone. But this Dorian also gets high and yells at the monster of the week for interrupting his narration. Starts a rock band in the 60s that he names after himself. Flirts with German soldiers shooting at him. Has his boyfriend read excerpts from The Picture of Dorian Gray as foreplay. This is the only time where Dorian has even remotely come close to what is suggested in the book and it is glorious. Also, because this is very important- this Dorian is, above and beyond, bisexual. As in this is the best bisexual rep I have seen so far. In seasons 1 and 2 they alternate between the gender of Dorian’s lovers basically every episode, while season 3 focuses on male relationships and season 4 focuses on female ones. (I haven’t heard season 5 so can’t comment- this also seems to have an episode based on the book). As an adaptation I would like more book references but I absolutely love this show. Though, and I cannot stress this enough, do not listen to it in the order the episodes were released. Season 3 should have been released after season 4, what were they thinking.

I’m about to listen to the Christmas episode and based on the trailer Dorian nearly gets murdered by Santa. I am so very excited.

But the actual, best adaptation, runaway winner, is Dorian Gray directed by Duncan Roy and released in 2006. This is a modern adaptation. It is New Queer Cinema. It is amazing. And it is so difficult to find that I had to email Duncan Roy in order to get a copy (he directed me to UCLA who, because the director gave me permission, let me watch a limited time stream of it). I have seen this movie once. That once was a religious experience. Let me explain why.

First, I saw clips of this film on youtube. In these clips, I quickly realised three things: one, in spite of the time period this is the most faithful adaptation of the text (as in they add things but what is from the text is essentially lifted straight off the page. Fricking heck). Two, this film was the most intoxicating thing I have ever seen. And three, Dorian Gray adaptations live and breath off of the strength of their Henrys. And Christian Camargo as Henry Wotton is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. If you’ve read the book then you know Henry is That Guy. He is a prick. He is hilarious. He is sexy. He owns the room and you are just orbiting in it. He is very clearly Oscar Wilde’s mouthpiece (but not in the way you expect, see my academic article theoretically coming after I get my thesis done goodness help me) but is introduced passed out drunk under his piano while his maid vacuums around him. And Christian Camargo knows Henry. He gets Henry in a way I don’t think anyone really has. And that is that Henry is not being serious. Henry does not believe what he says. And above and beyond- Henry really freaking cares about Dorian. You can argue about whether that is platonic or romantic, but it doesn’t change the fact that Henry is very emotionally tethered to Dorian. Because this film goes very hard in a way the other films only dream- Basil worships Dorian. Henry knows Dorian.

There are a lot of debates about Dorian Gray as a character. Almost all of them settle on ‘Dorian Gray was abused’. In the 2009 film, this is isolation and physical abuse. The novel suggests something was there but makes nothing clear. The 2006 Duncan Roy film takes what scholars have been suggesting for years, based on Dorian’s character and the themes of the novel, and shows Dorian as being the victim of long term sexual abuse. It is implied that Dorian is not the Grandson of this wealthy lord but instead someone the man bought from a sexual slavery ring (or both, possibly both). Either way, Dorian is confirmed to have lived a while as a sex slave. Henry is the only one who knows this, and the specific way this affects him. This part of the plot is both where the film differs the most from the novel, but also how it brings out the themes of the novel. You know, how adaptations should.

In the novel, the ‘good deed’ Dorian uses to redeem himself is to not sleep with a woman who he is infatuated with. Essentially, he doesn’t want to do to her what he did to Sybil. Fair enough. In this film, Dorian’s ‘good deeds’ are killing the boys trapped in this sexual slavery ring because he wants to give them a peace he never had. That is murkier and also shows Dorian to be a much more interesting and redeemable character than a thousand forced het romances. This film is also the only one outside of the novel that remembers Dorian is very mentally and physically ill by the end. Like, hallucinations and collapsing all over the place and just very much not okay. In the film Dorian freaks out in a supermarket and Henry is the one to take care of him. It’s implied that this has been happening for a long time. And that is what the book implies would have happened to because that is the relationship the book shows between them.

Also this film, while not gorgeous, goes hard on aesthetics. Basil lives in a re-purposed prison with pretentious quotes in neon on the walls. Dorian’s ‘portrait’ is actually an installation of television screens with videos of him on it. It is the only adaptation that keeps the book Henry gives Dorian, the discussions of whether or not art can cause a person to behave in immoral ways (which may be *ahem* relevant today) and the difference between fascination and endorsement. You know, THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE BOOK.

Other fun things: Basil and Dorian are both HIV positive. It is surprising how many post 80s adaptations don’t think of this. Dorian gets an actual sex scene with a man, which is a freaking miracle. More sexual tension between Dorian and Henry than is possible to stand. Related, is the only time the flower scene has made it into an adaptation even though it is both really freaking important to the plot and also one of the most erotic scenes in anything ever.

Oh, and Tainted Love plays over the credits. Because Duncan Roy knows what the people want.

So yes, at the end of this very long (I am so sorry) post, I will proudly declare that while there is no perfect adaptation, Duncan Roy’s 2006 film is pretty damn fantastic. Let’s hope that someday soon it will be viewable to us all again.

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