#dune joke

[victusinveritas]

[pflaumenratte]

a very long adaptation of a famous joke to the realities of dune

baron harkonnen suddenly invited the atreides to giedi prime — to show off his bravado, casually flaunt his weapons, and, of course, mock his old enemies. or maybe even extract a secret or two. you never know with those treacherous harkonnens, right?

naturally, the atreides were wary, but they came. otherwise, there would be an interplanetary scandal, and they couldn’t possibly admit to being afraid of the harkonnens?! they stay for a day, then another, then a third — no one has been found with a knife in their throat, the food isn't poisoned, no one has shoved the duke off a cliff, the baron is suspiciously friendly, and he hasn’t even slipped any snakes into their boots.

on the fourth day, the duke and the baron are having dinner, making small talk. they’ve knocked back some kirana brandy and are already cursing the padishah emperor. around them, of course, the entire harkonnen guard stands at attention, guarding the siridars’ peace and diligently not listening to their treasonous chatter (though piter de vries is carefully eavesdropping through a special spy hole).

suddenly, the doors burst open with a bang, and kudu storms into the hall, looking absolutely deranged — eyes bulging, hair disheveled, uniform crooked and half-unbuttoned, dagger in hand, and an overall expression like he’s just been electrocuted. He bursts in and shouts:

— who threw a boot onto the control panel?!

everyone freezes. the baron’s fork stops mid-air. the duke halts with his glass halfway to his lips. The guards stop breathing entirely.

kudu's fury only grows:

— WHO THREW A BOOT ONTO THE CONTROL PANEL, YOU IMBECILES?!

silence. the guards begin to seriously consider mass and immediate emigration to another planet. the baron, slowly grasping the situation, sets his fork down and pales with rage.

and then — duke leto atreides, in a moment of atreides pride arrogance, flicks an invisible speck of dust off his impeccably tailored uniform and declares in a weighty tone:

— this, if i may say so, is a perfect example of your eternal harkonnen negligence. and this is precisely why you've been losing to the atreides for centuries. back on caladan, we would never—

— THERE IS NO CALADAN ANYMORE!! kudu roars. — I AM ASKING FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU PARASITES — WHO THREW A BOOT ONTO THE NUCLEAR CONTROL PANEL?!

[daily-dune]

Randomly seen on the internet

[daily-dune]

Smoothest Pick-Up Line ever.

[daily-dune]

I'm sorry I laughed so hard.

[daily-dune]

Daily Dune, now with Cat Jokes. Original Source, http://imgur.com/gallery/iUt8LCJ/ Trusted Site for the win.

[spinesaw]

The Known Universe is ruled by the Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV, my father. In this time, the most precious substance in the universe is the pre-workout. The pre-workout extends life. The pre-workout expands consciousness. The pre-workout is vital to space travel.

[neverbreaker-blog]

||salusa replied to your post: bless the maker and his water sneezes his water all over your face