been pondering and I think i've come to understand; I'm ideologically a femme in the historical/personality sense, but definitely come off exclusively as a futch (if not a soft butch) at work and in public settings where i'm still not the most comfortable being perceived in my femininity
i'm very gender queer and love fucking around with perception and expectations, still nonbinary, but when it comes to expressing my femininity outwardly... i can be very hesitant
It's so interesting, the process of deconstructing gender from fear, perception, etc.
i think this year i'm focusing on continuing to de-program the idea of doing femme "the right way" and also finding ways to express it that make me feel powerful !!
on another note, i know i can be so playful and gentle that i'm afraid people won't take me seriously unless i perform masculinity to a certain extent. i have plenty of anecdotal evidence of this being the case. so, I suppose i occasionally mask just how femme and gentle i am with a certain outward appearance to balance it out.
i know i'm not the only one who feels these things right? lol
am i making sense T-T